Very sad that her kids are so terribly selfish.

They should want their mother to be happy.

I do agree with Echo, also. You should ask why she is allowing her kids to dictate her life and if that is really what is going on.

Her kids are holding her hostage, and now they're holding you hostage, too. You're in the same boat as you were before.

Life is too short. I was widowed at 34 and waited three years to date. I wasn't ready. Clearly she is and they aren't. This would be a deal breaker for me. She is older and really she should want to be happy at this point. In widow world it is called our "Chapter 2". She needs to start hers. Kids will be angry for awhile, but they will get over it.

If she breaks up with you over this, then it wasn't meant to be....

She's their mother and deserves a little respect during this time in her life from her children, sister and everyone. If she's too scared to rock the boat then the two of you don't have much of a future. Do you really want to be in relationship with someone who lets their children dictate their love life?

Good luck cuz you're going to need it if you persist in this.

Aw, man. I would be soooo sad if my parents moved on so soon after they widowed. Just me being honest.

I hate it though, because I think everyone deserves happiness. It may just be too soon for the adult children, but you both are well-past grown and can do what you want to and that's a fact!

It sounds like a mess though, sneaking around and hiding, etc. If you are really serious about this woman and considering marriage you may not be happy for the rest of your life because her grown children WILL interfere, and if she is not willing to "go all out with you" she may just be lonely and using you for company.

Have fun though...nothing wrong with that

Slow up cowboy. Let her come to you. I don't know what her marriage was like and maybe she was biding time. Anyway it sounds like she's got a case of the guilts and needs a bit of room to sort herself out. Worry about what family thinks is bs.

If you don't let her grieve her marriage she won't get into a good place with you.

My husband was a drinker when we got together. He didn't stop until about three years ago. What does drinking do? Freezes everything. I've spent the last two years with him working through his grief over losing his mother AND his last marriage. That's not easy. At all.

For both of your sakes, please just back off. Let her grieve. Then if it's right you can try again.

You'll know when she is ready; when she stops hiding you.

Good luck

NO ONE can decide for someone else how long they must grieve the loss of a former spouse.

It's not the right of the adult offspring or any other outsider that is telling you to backoff.

You can't please everyone no matter what you do, so why not embrace life instead of death and be happy with the here and now? A new promising relationship.

When I married a widower three years ago, it made the both of us so happy we can't imagine it any other way. It was meant to be!

If the adult children want their parent to hang onto someone that is dead and gone, then they don't really care about anyone's happiness but their own.

At the end of the day, you're not telling your adult children who they can and cannot marry, are you?

The new lady in your life needs to start considering YOUR feelings, and if she's so wrapped up in what other people might think then she has too much baggage. If she's not ready to take it to the next level, introducing you to her family, then you are not in an exclusive committed relationship with her. Sounds like you need to have "the talk:" that you are free to date other people because you are searching for someone special in your life that is free to enter into the kind of relationship that you are seeking.

I love the disrespectful comment. We heard that one from step-son-in-law.

He said it about his mom who was widowed (for several years) and started dating. He said it to me and DH who both have deceased spouses. Absolutely no realization on stepSIL's part that he was ranting about his mom's disrespect to two people who had been widowed and dated.

Your lady friend is going to have to understand that at 60 you don't have to have your children's permission to date. At 60 you don't ask your children's permission to marry. If things progress to marriage you should consider a prenuptial to protect your assets from her children.

It sounds like she's not ready. 6 months after 40 years of marriage is not long at all. My parents were married for 50 years, and he waited about a year before dating again. I was never against him dating, but he did have a couple of women try to take advantage of him and his money. After the first one, I became very cautious about accepting his subsequent girlfriends. I did want to see him happy, but I didn't want him to end up on the streets, and he was close to ending up that way if I didn't step in.

My mother passed away 8 years ago now, and my father is living in an assisted living facility, and he found yet another new girlfriend within weeks of moving in. She's sweet and I'm happy for him.

Give it time. She needs time to get over her marriage, and really, what's the rush? You can't rush a relationship even if you want to.

^^^Yes, bechers. Furthermore, at 60 you feel the end of the road coming at you a lot faster than it did at 39. 6 months seem less certain and certainly less disposable than ever before. Sex and intimacy seem at a higher premium than ever before, too.

OP and his lady-love do not need anybody's permission to date or fall in love or just cling to each other in the storm of life.

It has been a huge upheaval for her and she may be unable to face the potential trauma of telling her kids simply from emotional exhaustion. She may even be wrong about their attitude. They may be relieved to see her comforted and settled in, if she'd give them a chance. Or she could be right on about them and doesn't feel strong enough now but will in time face them.

I have told my DH if something happens to me he is to find someone else right away because he deserves happiness. If we had any mutual kids I'd tell them, too.

I met a lady in her 80's who married 3 WEEKS after the death of her husband. She was living in her home, independent, handling her own affairs. At 80-whatever she knew she didn't have a minute to spare of being miserable when she could be happy.

My mum is a widow, my darling dad died almost 3 years ago after 42 years of marriage. She was nowhere near ready to date only 6 months after, could barely speak his name without tearing up.

I'm honestly torn as to how I'd feel in this situation. On the one hand, mum is only 65, she could live for another 15-20 years, that's a long time to be alone. But, rightly or wrongly, my dad was her husband, and no one else should fill that role. I think I'd be ok if they dated, even went away together, as long as they didn't get married. Ridiculous I know, but I'm just being honest.

As for what I'd do if mum did meet someone? NOTHING. My brothers and I have already agreed that we've have to deal with our feelings between the three of us, and not involve mum. It's not our business. Mum is a grown woman. I can also tell you that she would never allow my brothers and I, or anyone else to dictate how she lives her life.

Dude, dude, dooooood. You are way too much in the shit. If you two work together, people already know you are together. Body language will shout it to all who look.

It's now sounding suss.. If it were me, I would think she was using me for company and just stringing me along!

Have some self respect and demand a plan or leave it alone until she is ready to proclaim your relationship.