You're kidding, right? If your soon-to-be ex-wife is so manipulative that she'd cut you off from her younger son if you don't provide housing and support to her ADULT children, you should really just be done with her and cut ties with the 14-year-old now. 

No, no, no. Those adults are not yours or anyone else's responsibility. They need to band together and get a jobs and find a tiny apartment to share. They need to be held accountable and work for a living like everyone else. 

The MOST I could see doing just to ease the transition would be offering to pay a deposit on a place to live for them. They still have to get approved and have rent, but the little help at the start might make the shift easier and stop this ridiculous line of thinking. This would be a one time only offer. 

Absolutely not. Those adults are not your responsibility. If they don't want to be homeless, they will need to get JOBS, like the rest of us.

I cannot even imagine why you would consider enabling them, especially when they are the problems. Do not let your wife manipulate you into this.

Ridiculous.

Do not allow the two skids to move in with you.  They will not be homeless. Their mother can let them sleep in her living room if she's that concerned. And if she's not, why should you be?  Make a clean break, and do not under any circumstance allow the older boys to move into your home. You will regret it and it may be difficult and expensive to evict them.

Did I read this correctly?

But my two oldest stepsons have decided they can no longer live independently.

So they have been independently living (as they should be) but all of a sudden, just as their mother is divorcing and moving, have decided that they need to move home? Not even their mother has to legally house them at their ages. You certainly don't!

This is NOT your problem. In fact, I think you should plan to sell your current home and pick something more affordable.

Do not let your ex use your YSS as leverage to obtain housing for her ADULT sons. If you think the mortgage is expensive on your own, just wait for how much an attorney will run you to evict your seemingly lazy, greedy stepsons.

To even consider this.  There her kids, she made them this way. She did not parent them.  She made them lazy. Not want to work, or to live independently.  You are going to let these kids upset your life.  Kids you will have no control over. Just because you want to have sex with there mother every now and then ?  
 

Just Say NO.  SK go with her.   What hapoens if you meet someone.  How are you going to explain your living arrangements.  Telling her she can't sleep over because of your ex's kids.

Tell her the 14YO can stay with you and she can put bunk beds in the second bedroom in her hme

Your ExWife must be smoking some good sh!t. I can't even imagine how she could ask such a thing from you. They are not your kids. Grown kids or not this is her problem and not for you to even waste a minute of sleep over. She needs to get it together, get a bigger place, or have a air mattress in place for her kids. There is no way in hell you should be inconvenienced by this......something that has absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

Wishing you much healing as I know this is a difficult time and transition for you. You deserve happiness and once you eliminate all these toxic people from your life you'll see positive changes.

Wishing you all the best! Cheers to new beginnings.

The youngest is almost an adult.  Let him know he can keep in contact with you.  Block the rest, they are users.

Wow, your XW is playing you like a fiddle. I'd bet money that she thought she'd move in the boys and squeeze you out of the house so she could move back in. And don't think she hasn't plotted that - people do evil things in divorce, especially if they feel they are the victim (even if they aren't).

It's your house. They should all leave unless you want them there. You don't, so grow a pair and kick them all out.

NOT happening.  If you open that door, it will never close; squatters have more rights then owners.   They all go the moving date.  I would make it clear now.

I said NO to my YSS54 asking to stay with us "a couple of days," because he had a fight with BM and wanted to get away from her home for a few days.  He had come to stay "a couple of days," before, more than once.  Never again!  When I said NO, DH didn't say a word.  Sulked a couple of days and got over it.

My SS54 has and still lives on the street, homeless, most of his life; the other part of his life in jail.  His choice.  He has had more "second chances," then I can count.   

Offer to take your YSS for a guys day out often.  If your ex refuses to let him go, that is on her.  Saying no now will save you money and it will pass.

Good luck.

You are divorcing, and she no longer wants to be with you. It is really unfortunate that they moved back in so recently, as another poster said, that may have been planned (or maybe not). Even though they have been a part of your life for 10 years, these adult leeches are not hanging on because they love their step daddy, sadly it appears they just want to use you for whatever they can get. As the marriage is ending, they need to relocate as well. Agree with other posters that couches and blow up bedding can be arranged at mommas new place.

Good luck, please do take care of yourself through this process. I fear you will not be able to get rid of the OSS's if they stay past when your wife moves out.

are bringing girlfriends in, one of whom you have to accommodate dietarily? 

What if YOU DECIDE THEY CAN LIVE INDEPENDENTLY, AND NOT ONLY CAN THEY, BUT THEY WILL!

~This strain of BS catapults it to an entirely different calibre.~

The relationship paradigm has shifted. Divorce means you are under no obligation to be a "family" any longer.  I regret to inform you that you will most likely not end up remaining friends with your soon to be ex. If it appears so from her, believe me her walrus fangs will come out soon enough. She may "play nice" to get what she wants, then let you have it. Having her "kids" there gives her the "right" to come and go as she pleases. Some people get vindictive and take things out of the marital home after things are finalized, or worse.

These adult kids are not your problem or concern. Separate your emotions from the reality that is materializing. These are 2 people who have failed to launch and as long as someone provides them a place to live and cooks for them and makes it very appealing, they will NEVER leave.

Having to explain to the potential new women who  may come your way in the future that YOUR EX'S ADULT KIDS, NOT YOUR KIDS, ARE LIVING WITH YOU WOULD BE A COMPLETE TURN OFF, and if I were one of them, and learned this tidbit of information, I would run like my ass was on fire, and stop drop and roll hadn't been invented yet.

Please, just put yourself first for ONCE, I promise you that you'll never regret it. This will be hell on earth for you. 

I'm with Sammi~buy her a couple of air mattresses for her "guest bedroom/living room" for a housewarming party!

The purpose of the problem is to give you SOMETHING EXCEEDINGLY BETTER. Remember, the tolerance of your problem is the author of your future.  I firmly believe the magnitude of your pain is an indicator of the victory in your future. You've suffered greatly, let the healing begin by washing your hands completely of these people.

You are her 3rd casualty, and sadly, she will keep right on pillaging through mens' lives. She is the common denominator in relationships, not you, but if you do not take this seriously and exercise your rights, this will end in disaster.

Let DW take care of her own problems.  When you are separated, make it total.  Then start enjoying your life.

Nine years of marriage down the tubes because of a 19 yr old???  Have you and the wife tried to work it out? Have you sought counseling?  It seems like such a shame for the relationship to end over a young man who is at a launchable age.  The kid can enlist in the military, go to colllege, or work on a ranch or ski resort somewhere far away. 

I'd tell your wife you want to work it out with her and the youngest. Let the older two get a small place together and learn to adult.  You love the youngest child and it sounds like you still love your wife and want to stay close. I say give it another try, all marriages go through bumpy patches. Maybe you can live apart for a bit and still be a couple. 

Hubby and I have been married almost as long as you and your wife. Our marriage almost ended over his oldest son. I'm so grateful I set boundaries, got counseling, and stuck it out with him.  We have a pretty good life together despite his cranky son.  

Can you put the brakes on this?  Divorce isn't always the answer. 

Not your kids not your problem there bio parents need to worry about where they going to live and who gonna feed them. Not your problem anymore. 

These are your STEP "children" that have caused hassle and you say are partly the reason for your marriage ending. They are legally adults and yet now you are debating allowing your ex to leave with your favourite and you keep the two problematic ones? 

I mean, without sounding rude, are you listening to what you are saying? You have zero legal responsibility to these "kids".

When mum moves out she takes her kids with her, even if that means you removing them and their possessions on the agreed date. 

Also arrange to have the locks changed that same day. Do not allow ex to have ANY access to the house else you will find she or her offspring have moved in whilst you are out. 

You are husband 3 and been together 9 years and her youngest is 14? Have you not stopped to consider there is a reason shes gone through 3 husbands? I'm all for the fact that people can make mistakes, but generally people learn, unless they are actually a bigger part of the problem.

Be aware this is highly likely to be game playing. You love the 14 year old, so shes going to use that and punish you with her other kids that you dont feel the same bond for. Then she will remove the 14 year old from you anyway, as again you have no legal rights (or responsibilities) 

Put your misplaced guilt behind you by telling yourself that kicking them out is the best and kindest thing you can do for them. By doing that, you will be making them launch and become fully-fledged adults. It really has to be done - for everyone's sake!

Take a walk to your local courthouse and see if you can't get the documents you'll need to evict them - the chances are you can do it yourself without a lawyer...

your exwife is solely responsible for her kids, not you not ever!!

my 3 skids (2 sd’s are miniwives), ss has continually told hubby that me and my 2 kids with hubby are strangers. Heck me and hubby are planning to buy a home together in my country in the next 5 years, the youngest skid will be an adult then and no way will any of the skids be in my home ever...they have done so much to break up our marriage and sabotage our lives and toy with their dad’s emotions and even harm my kids then justify their batshit psycho crazy and narcissistic pas mum too and somehoe her batshit craziness is my husbands fault...

if my husband died tomorrow, i’d walk away and want nothing to do with skids. They have continually made it clear we are not family in any way until it benefits them and they can milk the dumbasses in the world that they’re the half siblings from heaven

Love supposedly means "never having to say you are sorry."  Divorce means you can say "GTFO" to skids.  Why you would buy your wife out of the house and continue to raise her adult children confuses and astounds me.  You do realize that you no longer are beholden to this woman and have to please her, right?  You are husband #3.  Her "Friday night with friends" more likely than not is working on husband #4.  Save yourself, dude!

' I am expecting to have repurcussions for not telling my wife first'

You didn't need to tell her first. SS25 is an adult and as it's him who won't have anywhere to live, then it is him who should know this first. I still think STAround's suggestion of keeping the 14 yr old and letting the older 2 'share' at mom's is by far the best idea. She can't argue then that they have nowhere to live.

You could still be married. 

I agree with the others this will tie you to her forever.  While I understand the hurt of loosing the younger child if you stay connected to her you're likely to loose yourself!! Cut ties, make the older kids move out.  Maybe try a no strings attached to her relationship to see the youngest.  If that doesn't work he is 14 and 4 years away from making his own decision to see you and he could come back into your life then.  

Difficult yes and I am sorry for you!!!  But don't let her take any further advantage of you!!!  Go find someone who is worth your time!! 

This isn't even worth a thought.  If STBXW is moving out on her own she can support her spawn.  The eldest two are not your problem nor your consideration.

The youngest will engage with you as he continues towards adulthood. Once he is 18, his mom has no say in a relationship that you and YSS have.

Take care of you.  You know the eldest two are wastes of skin.  Let them figure it out on their own time, their own dime and in their own space.

Enjoy the start of your new life adventure shod of that shallow and polluted gene pool.