Stepmom/wife is keeping kids apart.
I'm the husband who remarried. My wife and I have a 5mo old daughter together. I have a 8 yo daughter from previous marrage. Everytime my daughter comes over to visit on my weekend, My wife takes our 5mo daughter and goes sees her Moter. At first I thought it just worked out that way at that time. Now I am seeing it every time. My daughter is asking me when can she see her step-mom (she loves her) and her little sister. It's been about a month since she has seen her and it is tearing me apart. I asked my wife when she was comming home and she she said late sunday night. I told her that Megan wanted to see her and Lendi. My wife said "oh well, i guess that's tough". I love my wife but I can never let her alienate my daughter because of her own issues. I'm afraid I wont have any choice but file for divorce just to get my daughters together and build a relationship. I am finding out alot of things about my wife that I never knew before and it puts our marrage on very shakey ground. example:
She calls her mother a pot head.
She was doing pot while she was pregnant with our daughter.
I think she still does.
She is constantly running everyone down and alienates everyone including me.
What should I do?
If it comes down to a divorce I will definatly fight for full custudy as I feel she doesn't need to be around drugs.
This turned into a nightmare and I don't know what to do.
wife, daughters
Please get your wife into counseling. She could be suffering from PPD or something. I'm very concerned about the drug use by her and her mother? Is that true as far as you know?
At first, I saw myself in your initial sentences. When my DH and I dated, I tried NOT to be around his kids too much as he was having a very hard time w/ them because his ex was doing her best to turn them against him. They were also not respectful of me and I thought they needed time before I was shoved at them all day long. I thought about others I had heard about who dreaded seeing their dad because his gf was always there, so they had no alone time w/ him. I was hoping that was the case here, but it's apparently far deeper than your wife giving you and your DD time to bond and reconnect.
Is your MIL someone you can talk to about this or is she, in fact, a drug user, too? Is there anyone in her family who is level-headed and can lend you support? If not, you desperately need a third party to help you avoid another divorce.
What you are asking is completely reasonable and I'm sure your older DD is confused as to why she is exed out of her sister's life. Most kids her age just adore having a baby around. Could you tell your wife that your older dd wants to help her w/ the baby? Is your older DD respectful of your wife?
Try w/ all your ability to get your wife to go to a counselor ASAP. Usually, women feel much better if you can get them to talk and open up. Ask if your dd has offended her in any way and then set a date for the Sat. of your older DD's next visit WELL in advance - like now. Say, "Honey, I know a lot is going on and you have been rather isolated at home w/ the baby, but it's very important to me and the girls that we plan some family functions, so I'm planning a trip to the zoo/lake/park so we can all relax and enjoy the nice weather." See how she reacts and keep us posted.
Good luck.
Dana