My asshole stepson is ruining my marrage and thinks he is head of the house.
Over the years I have had several issues with my stepson. He is probably the haughtist person I know. My wife thinks he is gods gift to a mother but she lets her love for him influence her actions and thoughts. I have gotten rid of him several times out of the house and boy I screwed up big time by letting him back in the house because I thought it would be better. NOT.....acctually i is several times worse and now he is trying to break up out marrage. and my wife had said and given me an ultimatum he stays and we help him or I go.....I cant believe it and this whole thing is totally stunning to me as to how she can sacrafice her marrige for her kids esspecially when she sees how he treats me calling me a MFer in the house and disrespecting me and just blaintly being a punk 21 yr old and Im at my wits end here because this is destroying my marrage.
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Wife doesn't know what marriage means
A 21 year is old enough to have his own place. Your wife is wrong to put her child first before her marriage, she should go and marry her son then. Being first priority is your lawful and biblical place, a marriage can not survive if you don't put each other first, that's altering the will of God. SS will never respect you if he sees that his mother puts him first before you and she does nothing to discipline him. You and your spouse should put each other first even before children you have together (bio kids) that will make the children know their place and respect and honour your relationship. She is stupid to want to leave her marriage over her kid, who will soon have a wife he will put first above her. Unless if the ultimatum was just meant to frighten you. You let her know that she is free to leave, you dont need a wife who chooses a child over you. Does she not know what she signed up for when she said "i do" to you? She has to respect you as the man of the house and submit to you not her child. How can she allow her child to ruin her marriage? For better for worse? Does she not know what marriage is about? If she ever gets on life machine, you are the one who will decide whether to switch off the machine or not, and not her son. Because the law acknowledges the spouse above any one else, mother, father or children. So why can't she do the same. What does the child have to lose by moving out and having his own place? This woman is taking you for granted and putting you at second place in her life.
The only exception I can see
The only exception I can see to letting a 21 yr old stay at home is that they are enrolled in college with at 2 classes and working. They should have chores and rent/ be responible for something financially in the house. Is your SS doing anything with his life? Other than being an ass? Would it be possible to flip the ultimatum on your DW and have terms layed out for SS to live there?
Your wife is emotionally
Your wife is emotionally married to her son. You are being used for the physical things her son can't provide: money and sex, namely. Your SS isn't the only one ruining your marriage; your wife is doing an equally bang-up job.