You are here

TILs

VicLee's picture

Submitted by VicLee on Mon, 08/31/2015 - 11:13am

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

Steps are toxic because all inlaws are toxic. Small town they lived in forever so influence is strong there. Long ago when husband used to act totally like them, told me everyone in this small town hated me. Now says it wasn't true, but the scar Ames me feel alienated as does knowing how much toxic inlaws and therefore skids hate me. With no support from husband of course it will never change, and their long-time friends and acquaintances think this is my fault, my imagination, whatever. I don't want a divorce because I changed husband somewhat, so much work put in. And his family wants us to divorce. I hate to let them win. But I realize I would "win" too with perhaps being on my own. We have a daughter together who tho they rejected and hurt her still chose denial the last few years but seems to be admitting the truth again now how bad they are. Private counselor says get out but we all know that's a giant step.

VicLee's picture

Submitted by VicLee on Mon, 08/31/2015 - 11:15am

P.s. Not every single person in town has turned against me over toxics lies. One girl told me ppl,we're taking bets to see how long I could would last in that family!

VicLee's picture

Submitted by VicLee on Mon, 08/31/2015 - 1:22pm

Would others be able to handle thus situation better than I have? Would anyone stay in it?

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Mon, 08/31/2015 - 1:31pm

Your counselor is right. Unless you have your DH's backing the prognosis looks grim. And from what you wrote, he needs to change a heck of a lot more before he would be worth staying with. Many times women will stay in an abusive situation because of finances. If this is the case with you, start saving now. You are doing no favors for your daughter by allowing her to witness all this abuse toward you.

VicLee's picture

Submitted by VicLee on Mon, 08/31/2015 - 1:44pm

Thanks so much. U know how it can get when someone is surrounded by toxics. And it's nice to have an outside opinion.

AVR1962's picture

Submitted by AVR1962 on Mon, 08/31/2015 - 2:12pm

My husband did the very same thing, let me know the bad things his family was saying abut me right from the start and that really hurt our relationship in the long run. I am not sure why men do this instead of telling their family that they love the person and ask them to please accept them. I felt I tried but I didn't feel the trying was as mutual. Even though my inlaws could not a say a nice word about my husband's exwife I felt very much like the 2nd, unaccepted, wife. Eventually I went my own way without the family as a part of my life.

VicLee's picture

Submitted by VicLee on Mon, 08/31/2015 - 2:29pm

Thank you for replying. . I'm glad you had the strength to leave and are happy now.
Early on I told toxic mil you hated his ex, now un hate me, yet my first inlaws would take me back in a heartbeat, so who do unthink has the problem here? Of course no reply!