wedding invites or announcments
not sure how to feel..wedding announcements for sd21 will read daughter of BM and step dad AND my husband- her Dad...no mention of my name- even out of respect as her Dads wife...and he and I have been married longer than BM and her SO....SD and I dont have a relationship unless she wants something; but are cordial at this point. SD and her Dad are not close either. She is off and on w/her BM. neither her SF or myself "raiserd her" but she has been around him more than I. anyone else have this experience? Part of me doesnt care because I disengaged a few years ago and cant have it both ways so I feel a bit hypocritical; I get she doesnt want to ack. me as her stepmom and its her day...but seems disrespect to her Dad at the same time me being his wife. she probably doesnt want to acknowledge him either but will be asking for money im sure....all the in laws LOVE me (hate BM)- so I think they will find it rude as well..she has no relationship w/anyone in my family at her. he brother ss12 does consider me a step mom and introduces me as such.
So this is probably what I
So this is probably what I can expect when SD(27) gets married next year. I'll have my guard up. She is spiteful and petty and once introduced me as "my dad's wife." Another time she invited company over and she didn't introduce me at all. I was crushed and caused a big ruckus about it. At this point, nothing she does surprises me and I don't expect too much.
IMO, people who are mean and spiteful and petty get that same karma in return. I have seen my SD go through more challenges in the last few years and I think it's because of the way she has treated me. She has shed tears, and been devastated over and over again by one problem after another. Karma is a spiritual law (you reap what you sow) and when you violate it you will pay. This law keeps me on the straight and narrow and prevents me from exacting revenge on her or being petty, mean spirited or spiteful to her in return. I know better, but sadly she doesn't. When I think about her getting married, I smile because I'm reminded of how much conflict she's caused in our marriage and I know the power of karma.
It was a petty move, and your DH should have mentioned it to her, but that's another story. Go to the wedding and enjoy yourself and going forward . .don't expect too much from her . . this way you won't be hurt or dissappointed.
I hope you are right about
I hope you are right about that karma thing. I've been married for 20 years. I have been excluded from all family gatherings including wedding that involve my husband's grown up children. I have had the pleasure of paying for part of these weddings, but not welcome to attend. I insited my husband attend because I won't have it said that I kept him from attending or walking his girls down the aisle. I didn't want to punish him for their lack of class.
There is a wedding coming up at the end of February in an exotic location. The daughter getting married invited me which I thought was very kind of her, but one of the other daughters found out and sent me an e-mail telling me I was not welcome to attend and that everyone in the family hates me. In twenty years I have laid eyes on his kids less than 4 times. I have no relationship with them and am not interested in having a relationship with them. I've never been mean to them or treated them badly. His ex-wife would hate any woman he is with and made sure they hate me, too. I know it has nothing to do with me but it has caused a lot of pain in my marriage.
I will continue to take the high road as much as possible in a bad situation, but I really hope that what comes around goes around.
Lord, I sincerely hope my
Lord, I sincerely hope my name is NEVER on any of the SD's wedding announcements! I don't want anyone to know I'm linked to them, or their crazy BM in any way! Just keep me out of the insanity!
it's really her choice, but
it's really her choice, but if you absolutely MUST have dh ask her what's up with that, i'd maybe stress your opinion, if she cannot include you on the wedding invites, then you two will not assist with the financial aspect of the wedding....that's what i'd do though
I agree complety with: "Going
I agree complety with:
"Going to an occasion that is being used to make you feel excluded and publicly humiliated is NOT being the bigger person; it's being a doormat. Truth is, being a "bigger person" to people who are small and petty means absolutely nothing. Zero. All it means is you get hurt -- and that is exactly what this SD (and maybe the mom) wants".
Too me it is a matter of self-preservation.. I would be so pissed I would go to a hotel with a spa and get a massage, nails and pedicure--
Tell your DH--you will not go where you are not wanted...If I did not have the money--I would find a way to get it..You do not deserve this AT all. Be kind to yourself---
I guarantee when my SD19 gets
I guarantee when my SD19 gets married, she'll only have BM and DH on it. When she graduated from high school, BM bought a yearbook ad for SD. I know DH refused to pay for any of that ad. In spite of this, BM put in it "Congrats SD! Love Mom, Dad, Dog, Cat1, Cat2" So I wasn't so upset about not being included since DH didn't want any part of it himself. What pissed me off royally was the inclusion of the dog. The dog is Dh's and mine. Not BM's at all. She included MY dog but not me. I never said anything to DH because it's such a small thing, but it still eats me up. Now that I'm pregnant with our first child, I can't wait for SD's college graduation and walking around within sight of BM with her ex's son. Spiteful and petty, yes, but I can't help it.
Eeek! Another thing I hope to
Eeek! Another thing I hope to miss! I am starting to think that SD would put on HER invitation BM and BM's new beau and PROBABLY leave off her dad and I all together!
I would sure hope that I didn't have to have my name linked to the crazy BM...or even on the same page!!!