>he wasn't going to come over and sit next to me because it might offend his stepdaughter <

Forget about EVERYTHING ELSE YOU WROTE. Based on this little snippit I cut and this alone, HE IS NOT RIGHT FOR YOU.

Get out. Get out NOW. Heck, build yourself a time machine and get out yesterday.

You're second to the wife, I mean step. You'll always be second.

Just admit to him you made a mistake to avoid arguing or pleading and move on.

Your instincts are telling you something is wrong. Trust them.

This is hauntingly familiar to me-but at any rate-run!

You are legitimating their relationship by appearing to tolerate it in public. Leave and let them develop their relationship into the full-blown affair stage. It's coming, believe me.

Several things rang massive alarm bells with me and if you are honest with yourself they are with you too, otherwise you wouldnt be double checking here whether you are being paranoid or not. I know you probably in one way hoping you are wrong, but are not. These types of behaviours from a disney dad towards a partner are EXTREMELY unattractive and undesirable however although he *may* view this girl as his daughter, she is not, and in a sense it makes it worse and I personally would be even less able to contend with it.

Red flag number one: he is already warning you verbally about where you stand, by informing you he will break commitments with you in order to accommodate his sd20 :jawdrop: does he want sex this centuary?! If I were you I would feel my libido drying like a pool in the sahara. Red flag two: he then demonstrates how important you are (in FRONT of sd20 :jawdrop: ) by childishly refusing your offer, and while this discussion may have been made with a joking tone, the fact he was serious about your response would really again be insulting to you as his partner.

Do NOT move in with him, do NOT make financial commitments with him. OH has already demonstrated to sd20 that she will come before you, she knows this and you need to realise what this means for your relationship. You will have to fight for your place, your OH is placing you as competing females for his attention and sd has been given the nod that she is the alpha female - the place reserved for the alpha males MATE!!! :sick: wrong on so many levels because unless your OH sees her in a sexual capacity (sorry if I am wrong, but it makes you wonder) and you are just part of the scenery then this is NOT her position in the family and no something any woman will put up with long term imo. The fact sd knows she is top female and she is considering moving back in with OH (um why? Why is a non bio adult skid wanting to move back in and it makes me suspect is she only deliberating over this because she knows you also may be moving in?....) she would make your life hell, along with OH, through smugly enjoying the experience of OH choosing her over you through multiple scenarios, that many SM will likely guess can and will occur. Been there, done that kind of situation.

You are only just beginning down the stepfamily road and because of that, I would geniinely urge you to reconsider this relationship as it is. It is NOT viable unless OH makes hard changes, demonstrates he really has changed for a considerable time (beware being tricked) and is open to this. I cannot express to you how hard it is to really get your partner to break such dysfunctional and unhealthy mindsets, as in most cases they will make out you are the one with the problem (after all everyone else is happy, as they would be as everyone else is having their needs and wants fulfilled while yours is stampeded over), they will NOT accept they are damaged and are damaging you (please realise by remaining with someone so screwed up, and OH does have issues, then they are in turn damaging you by hurting you, manipulating the situation, turning it on you and sometimes using an arsenal of abusive tools-am not suggesting your oh is this way but its usually the lay of the land).

Also realise that if you continue as normal within your relationship with OH by making yourself available to OH, when its convenient for him (remember sd20 will come first if she clicks her fingers)esp when he acts and says these awful things then you are condoning this behaviour. You are sending a message to OH that its ok to say x and do y, when its NOT. I firstly would inform OH that you have expectations of what a respectful relationship involves, being informed you are second to sd20 is not your idea of a perfect man. No excuses are acceptable when it comes to this (he will drag out the ole carcass of "she is my child..."blah bloody blah), that you too have the right to be happy. This does not make you happy nor is it healthy. You must then back it up with actions, this is REALLY REALLY important. Make him work for your presence, he doesnt behave? He doesnt get to play with you. Sd20 is more important? Too bad, as he obviously isnt bothered about a passionate sexual relationship and sd cannot provide this! I would also consider attempting to see if OH will have counselling as a couple, he can prove his "love" by working to keep you through trying to see if he can work tochange and save your relationship, if not then you will be miserable and I would urge you to think of your options. Is thjs what you want for your life? As believe him when he shows you who he really is

I would end this relationship tout de suite. When he asks why, tell him it's because you don't want to date a man that is already in a relationship.

Leave it at that.

I'm so sorry but you can find someone better.

Weird it is!!! Get out of this relationship. There are plenty of men around who are worthy of you - not this guy. Ask yourself if you want this crap to continue after you are married to him - because it surely will.

My SD sleeps on her dad. Entwining her limbs with his when they watch tv. He has let me know that both of his daughters come first. When I have gotten up she has lept into my place and refused to get up. My DH gives all 3 of his kids money regularly even though we live paycheck to paycheck. If one of them wants a ride somewhere he has cancelled plans with me to drive them to the store or the movies. These are all adults. None of them owns his own car. One works part time. 2 do not even have jobs. Major co-dependency going on. Don't make the same mistake I did. Leave now. Save yourself and your sanity. It won't get better.

I totally agree with everyone else. I have been married for seven years and have a mini-wife SD22. I will always be second with DH. She doesn't even live with us, but she is still in control. We recently went on vacation with all of our blended family, and it became even more apparent to me that SD22 is first in DH's life. They have an enmeshed and unhealthy relationship. I have talked to him many times about it, but he doesn't understand the tremendous rejection that I have always had to endure. I would get out of your relationship before it's too late.

All of this for a kid that isn't even his? :?

Do not move in with this freakshow.

My first thought was weird bordering on incestuous. I hate to say this but maybe they have/had an incestuous relationship. If you proceed further into this relationship know that you cannot change him, her or their dynamic. He's letting you know how it's going to be. Incestuous or not do you really want to constantly deal with their strange dynamic? Plus SD may move in with you too....yuck!