Drop insurance?
Hi All,
Just had a huge falling out with SD23 and SD19. They are insured under their BMs plan but her coverage is not a good as mine. I have completely removed all financial support and told DH that we would have to split up accounts b/c I would not pay anothet penny toward anything for his ungrateful entitled spolied selfish immature kids. I am done! I've continously been the "bigger person" and no matter what, I have forgiven everything they have put me through, repeatedly.
Finally, I done! I am letting loose and living up to some of the things they say about me. If they are going to act like I'm terrible, i am at least going to let off a bit of steam b/c I will be treated the same no matter what I do. DH doesn't want me to drop them off my insurance but its an extra 400/mo to keep them on. Their Mom already has insurance and they are both living with her anyway. I have gotten so upset this time, I'm kinda going scorched Earth this time around.
If DH wants you to keep them
If DH wants you to keep them on your insurance, he needs to pay the extra 400.00, or each of them pay 200.00 (God forbid!).
Our finances are combined and
Our finances are combined and we are doing Dave Ramsey together. So we would need to separate our finances to do that. I just want to get our debts paid off asap!
Do it! I dropped SDs two
Do it! I dropped SDs two years ago (or three now?) when they were 11 and 13. Never regretted it! BM and/or DH would never remember to pay me back. It's stellar coverage and it was a total of $90, yes $90!, A month! So now BM pays (it's also in CO that she pays BTW) I think over $250/mo. Well, too bad.
It was also around then DH told me she expected, expected!!, me to help pay for their college. Oh I Laaaaaughed....
Same here! SD19 told us that
Same here! SD19 told us that we were rich and how much we made a year. She assumes I have to pay for her college. Not so much if you are a complete rotten snot to me!
So are these skids insured
So are these skids insured under both their mom's policy and your policy? If so, do you know which policy is primary? Putting aside whether you want to insure them, is it worth paying $400 a month to keep them on your insurance if they're already covered on BM's policy? (This of course would depend on how bad BM's coverage is, as well as the health of the SDs).
I absolutely would NOT pay myself to keep them on the coverage. If you have your husband reimburse you for the monthly cost of the insurance, does that send any message whatsoever to the skids? In the scheme of your relationship with your husband, does it matter? It seems to me that your issue isn't so much the money as it is the skids benefiting from your good coverage when they treat you like shit. If that's the problem, and the message you're trying to deliver - that they can't treat you badly and then expect you to do a thing for them - then drop them from the policy. If it's a money issue, then let your husband reimburse you for the cost.
Exactly. While my coverage is
Exactly. While my coverage is better, the skids are relatively healthy. Guess all the meaness keeps them healthy!
Exactly. While my coverage is
Exactly. While my coverage is better, the skids are relatively healthy. Guess all the meaness keeps them healthy!
They’re grown adults and they
They’re grown adults and they’re takers. Off the teats, I say.
They have BM's coverage AND
They have BM's coverage AND they are both old enough to get jobs that provide even the most basic of healthcare coverage. If they are in college, most colleges have student health centers for the minor stuff.
They won't be without health care. If DH doesn't like you dropping them, then he can pick up a second job just to pay for their portion. Seems pretty straight-forward to me. You don't need to be the responsible party for ADULT SKs.
In a follow up, OP says they combine finances
I disagree with picking and choosing by item, combined or seperate.
So that means she gets no say
So that means she gets no say in how her employee benefits are used?
Even if the insurance were free, it's still her decision on whether she wants to have her benefits cover other people. She doesn't. So long as she doesn't prevent her husband from covering them on his insurance, then she is totally within her rights to say "nah, not my responsibility".
If this is going to be a sticking point, I'd actually recommend she split finances from her DH.
I agree
They should seperate finances.
It seems that you think she should get the ONLY say. Can he say his salary should not go for her a share of her manicures, pedicures, hair styling, etc.?
I'm not even sure how to
I'm not even sure how to formulate a response to this. These aren't minor children, or are they going to be left without healthcare coverage. OP has supported them into adulthood, something she didn't HAVE to do. Unless her DH paid a commiserate amount toward a bill solely in OP's name, a larger share of her income has gone to subsidizing her DH's share of individual expenses than her income has.
Unless her manicures and pedicures, or some other hobby, is $400/mo, her DH is getting a sweet deal. That sweet deal used to be tempered by having polite SKs. They aren't polite, so now OP is pulling the plug on the already-unbalanced support she was providing to BOTH DH and BM. She is saying she is DONE being disproportionately responsible for healthcare costs for ungrateful adults.
To compare that to getting manicures, which she is entitled to get by working for her own income, is, well, not comparable. More apt would be if DH said he no longer wanted to help pay for his MIL's nursing home bill because she was awful to him, or OP wanted to stop paying for his weekly golf outtings. You're saying it's okay for OP to be disrespected but suck it up to pay the obligations of two other adults because her and her DH happen to share a bank account. Basically, verbal abuse isn't really abuse so long as someone is also sharing your finances.
And this is why people remain in unhealthy patterns because, so long as they are getting something out of it, they shouldn't complain or change.
Everyone is forgetting
Everyone is forgetting something here. She is his wife, whether she has a job or not, and has every right to manicures, massages, or whatever the hades else she desires to do. She owes no answers for those things to an ADULT SK!
Drop them
save the money. Not your problem. Save the $400 in your own account
I'd drop them off my
I'd drop them off my insurance in a split second. It is your health insurance and you have a right to do with it whatever you want. I would just drop the selfish, entitled adult brats off it immediately and not even look back.
After the way they've treated you. Tell your DH they have insurance via BM already and if he feels the need to over-insure them, they are his brood, thus his problem.
You should not have to pay a single cent toward anyone who treats you this way.
good luck.
I have used the same
I have used the same insurance company for home and auto for over 40 years. Dh is eligible to use USAA. And if he uses it then his son could also get his own policy.
I did not choose to change my long term relationship with my insurance so Ss could get cheaper insurance. And when I checked just one policy USAA was not cheaper for me anyway.
Thank you
It is so nice to talk to people who understand what I am going through. As of now, DH is super supportive and understands how I feel. He wants me to wait until January to drop them, but I think I should do it now. That way it is a clean break and I am not responsible for anything for either SD any more! I really do feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and the resentment melting away.
I think you should do it
I think you should do it right now too. Why waste another 4 months of money on them?
But can you make changes at
But can you make changes at times other than annual enrollment? Most insurance doesn't allow changes outside of the plan cycle date...
Yes
Yes I would drop them, you are not leaving them without coverage. But you probably have to wait until your company’s open enrollment time.
Don’t blame you one bit! And
Don’t blame you one bit! And your husband shelling out the dough effects you, too, regardless of whether the finances are separated. I’d be scorched earth, too. Time the spawn grow up.