Fuming slightly - would you be?
Forums:
hi,
After a weekend of doing what she wants , my SD15 still managed to get me and DH annoyed last night. I made sure she had clean school clothes (but didn’t iron them) and she still talks to me like crap, calling me a ‘snitch.’ That was when my volcano erupted, after finding a bra of mine and my promarkers in her room.
#pissedoff
Am I over-reacting and being over sensitive - especially as I have no bio kids?
C x
Why are you doing her laundry
Why are you doing her laundry? Why does your husband let her talk to you like that?
He had a go at her for her
He had a go at her for her behaviour yesterday, but tends to laugh at her childishness. Should I not worry about her laundry do you think? I do it more as I’m at home while my partner works.
She's 15, not 5, she can do
She's 15, not 5, she can do her own laundry.
Being disrespectful to adults and stealing is not "childishness".
Thank you
Thank you
SD9 and SS12 do their own
SD9 and SS12 do their own laundry sometimes. If not, my SO does theirs. I assure you at age 15, they will each be doing their own and my SO will not lay a hand on it.
HELL yes. I have SS11 and
HELL yes. I have SS11 and Sd13 and damn right they can do their own laundry. Sd literally doesn't get out of bed and does nothing to contribute (not that I want her scrubbing floors, but her room and bathroom laundry and mess shouldn't be my problem) SS luckily is helpful and I've got no issues with him, but I've started disengaging entirely and let my SO know that if he doesn't think they (she) need to do anything for themselves then it's up to him.
I'll happily show them how to use the washer, but that's the extent. If she doesn't do it, then it's her own problem if she doesn't have clean clothes. Sucks to suck!
Did your mom do your laundry
Did your mom do your laundry at 15? Mine sure didn't. I was doing my laundry by 11. She can do her own. Try not to over exert yourself with her and just do your own things.
Thank you. I think that is
Thank you. I think that is it, I am from a very close family and had my mum doing my laundry as she did everyone’s in the house (dad and 4 siblings). But I always put it in the basket regularly, so never ran out of clothes or had the urgency to do last minute wShing. I did more myself afte4 16.
I second the comment about
I second the comment about her school clothes. When I was home on maternity leave and DH was working, I only did SD's clothes if she put them in the hamper. She never did, so DH often had to wash her clothes late at night. Not my problem. At 7 years old, if your kid isn't able to throw clothes in the hamper after being told repeatedly that's where they go, that's a parenting flaw IMO. I choose not to fix any behaviours caused by parenting flaws from BM/DH.
My husband is a good dad, very attentive and playful, but he's not so good at the aspects that involve teaching routine, cleaning, etc. and when I get on her about things of that nature, I'm told I'm "always nagging her" so whatever. She can grow up with a filthy room and dirty clothes all over the place lol not my problem. But anyways, growing up, I never stole anything from my parents. I would never think to take my mother's bras. That's weird.
Thank you! Did you not feel
Thank you! Did you not feel bad him wash8ng her clothes late at night after working? As that is what I feel.
thank you for our advice and experience with SD’s behaviours
Your situation does sound quite similar, as my partner is generally a great dad and loving and caring - obviously, there are some areas where he falters more. I am of the same opininion of leavin* SF to grow up smelly, with dirty clothes and disgusting bedroom.
the stealin* is something else! Attention seeking??!!
Nope, I didn't feel bad. I
Nope, I didn't feel bad. I did everything in the house when I was home. I made sure he had clean clothes, a clean home, dinner when he got home. But if SD didn't do her part (which is very small - put clothes in the hamper and keep your room tidy) than that was on HER. Not me. Plus, now that he's staying home and I'm working, he gets much less done than I ever did lol.
It's really hard, because a lot of dads don't have the same instincts or concern we do about teaching proper habits, routine, and cleaning. SD was never taught how to take care of herself - from cleaning her room to putting clothes in the hamper to getting herself ready in the morning without constant reminders. Hell, even reading - nobody has taught her that. My husband plays with her a lot and spends a lot of time with her, but it's not in his nature to think of these things.
My son, on the other hand, is 15 months old and he already has a beautiful bedroom that I designed to help make things easier. He's got an area where he can grab his own clothes, his own hamper, all his toys and books have a special place to be put back. Once he's old enough, he'll be taught the things he needs to know to keep himself and his living space organized and clean.
If I'm being honest, SD didn't have bedsheets on her bed for the past year! I just finally put some on the other night because I was tired of turning a blind eye to it. At the end of the day, my BS will grow up very, very differently than her but that's ok. They have different parents and I'm doing my best to not feel guilt over what SD is lacking in the parenting department.
Thank you! Did you not feel
Thank you! Did you not feel bad him washing her clothes late at night after working? As that is what I feel.
thank you for our advice and experience with SD’s behaviours
Your situation does sound quite similar, as my partner is generally a great dad and loving and caring - obviously, there are some areas where he falters more. I am of the same opininion of leaving SD to grow up smelly, with dirty clothes and disgusting bedroom.
the stealing is something else! Attention seeking??!!
Well, I guess there is a
Well, I guess there is a thing like division of labour if you are not working and bringing in any money... But why DON'T you have a job? Is this a temporary thing or what?
Division of labour goes ALL
Division of labour goes ALL ways in the house. It's not all on OP because she's home. Her stepkid is 15 - she needs to take on some of the labour too. She can do her own laundry.
Thank you
Thank you
I work from home and pay half
I work from home and pay half of everything!
I started doing my own
I started doing my own laundry after my mother turned my favorite Fair Isle sweather into a doll size. She explained that it was my fault for throwing it in the hamper and that I could do my own laundry going forward so I could ensure it was done to my liking.. that was age 12/13 I believe.
To be honest, I actually think it's good parenting to teach kids how to be self sufficient.They should learn how to wash clothes.. make a meal.. clean a bathroom.. run a vacuum. even learning to do things like changing a lightbulb are skills they need to learn.
Thank you - I agree that it
Thank you - I agree that it is essential to learn skills for independence. Just unsure how old for different things and if I was being mean (obviously not the latter now I think).
i started getting her to make her own dinner and that took a step for my guilt feelings, I am starting to realise it’s not being mean and selfish of me.
No...it's teaching her
No...it's teaching her valuable life skills and boosting her self esteem in the process.
Despite all the research that shows humans are designed to feel good about themselves when they're actually able to accomplish things and be of some value to someone...i.e. that we get our self-worth from actually having some worth in the world...we somehow still have parents doing everything for their kids in their mid to late teens and beyond. It's insane!
Thank you - I won’t feel
Thank you - I won’t feel guilty for make ng her independent a,nd responsible for herself.
BTW she doesn’t even ,ask her own lunch as it’s too much effort - DH bails her out!
lol.
lol.
Love it, ESMOD.
I started learning to cook very young when I realized my mom was terrible at it. Served me well later...just had to unlearn how to cook for 8 people and scale it back to just me (in grad school / in my twenties) and just 2 later on for me and DH :)
It isn't so much the laundry
It isn't so much the laundry but the lack of respect. If your SD appreciated you doing for her it would be a non issue.
But the fact that she is stealing from you AND being disrespectful - well I would stop. Let her father deal with her. And let it be known that she created this for herself.
Want the luxury of you helping - then act like it.
as I am her dad’s girlfriend
You’re so right wight with the lack of respect. Ido so much for her and get zero respect! Her reply the other day was that she only has to like me as I’m her dad’s girlfriend....!
Well...my mom always did the
Well...my mom always did the household laundry...or one of the kids would throw in a load, too. But I came from a large family and we had a high-capacity washer and so it was just more efficient to do larger loads all at once rather than trying to schedule the machine.
However...ironing? Ha! The extent of my mom doing the laundry was tossing it in the washer, tossing it in the dryer, and separating it into baskets. We had a laundry chute in the upstairs kid bathroom separated light/dark and it was our job to put our dirty clothes in the shoot which went down into the laundry room. We also had color-coordinated baskets and hangers. My mom would separate dried clothes into the baskets, throw in some of our hangers, and put our basket on the stairs for us to take to our rooms and deal with.
She never folded, hung, ironed, put our clothes away for us...gathered our clothes from our rooms. If it wasn't in the wash, it didn't get clean...and that was entirely on us. Even at 5 we were folding and putting away our own clothes.
Thank you - I definitely feel
Thank you - I definitely feel less guilty reading these comments. Butidont want to cause friction in our family.
Nope, you are not over
Nope, you are not over sensitive. She is a thief. Apply appropriate consequences.
You are not causing friction in the family. The thief is causing friction in the family.
Needed a re-read
I needed to reread this thread I did a while ago. I am totally at the end of my tether with life and don't know what I want or should do for the best.
My SD Is now 17, she had no job and does nothing basically. She just enjoys winding me up, and with lockdown I'm getting dragged down, she does what she wants when she wants (typical teen). She has lost all/any respect (if there ever was any) for me and takes over the room, acting like the centre of attention. She even winds me up taking my dog out for walks without asking. My partner says it's the family dog but we got it because i wanted it and am the one who has and will be around for it. I feel like a mis-fit in my own home.
thanks all xx