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Should I just accept and let it go?

MsMad's picture

My SD 917) lives with use permanently and we have all lived in the same house for 12years now.  I don't know if I'm asking/expecting too much for her too not be rude, sarcastic and talk to my nastily.  Any thoughts?

tog redux's picture

I think after 12 years, it's reasonable to want her to be respectful to you in your own home. I assume, though, that your DH doesn't insist on it? If he hasn't before, he isn't likely to start.

MsMad's picture

No, my DH has never insisted on it.... a lost cause? She I just act/say what I think and feel? 

hereiam's picture

Why does your partner allow this?

Take back the power in your home and tell her, yourself, that you will not tolerate that behavior. Don't let her make you feel uncomfortable in your own home, either.

Twelve years? Why does she think she can act like that? Because your partner has never taught her any different.

My SD (now, 29) knew better than to be rude and sarcastic to me. She knew that not only would her dad not stand for it, neither would I. And yes, she was a little intimidated by me! I didn't take any crap.

MsMad's picture

My partner has definitely never taught her right from wrong with manners and respect towards me

shellpell's picture

You deserve to be treated with respect as an adult in the home. I also wonder, where is your partner in all this? He's part of the problem if he hasn't nipped this in the bud after 12 years! This is no way to live. If nothing changes, I would leave. Love yourself more.

MsMad's picture

My best friend  says the same about my partner shellpell - i have had thoughts of leaving but it is harder with lockdown (I moved in to what was technically his house )

Rags's picture

Zero tolerance and total confrontation of SKid disrespect.  Post the standards of behavior that you demand and will enforce in your home and then enforce them.... Hold both your mate and his progeny responsible to comply with those standards and agressively apply misery inducing consequences for any choice they make to violate the standards.

Tolerate no crap.

a88ie's picture

Lol you and me are twin flames. Are you a scorpio venus im dying to know as this is how I roll and at one with the zero tolerance. I had one drama with BM and the kid was straight up banned until he learns respect. Havent had the waster here for over a year and happy. 

 

My partner had qnoopsie kid planted on him and the BM controlled his life. Yea that sh*t didn't last long. He's an unwanted child and I'm so lucky my partner is on board. BUT if he wasn't id just leave. If any kid comes cheeky with me I dish the immediate consequence out. Adult's too lol. They get told. I take no ones shit lol. I don't like kids and I'm not afraid to be honest about it. 

 

 

Rags's picture

Actually I am an Aquarius raised by parents who set and enforced standards of behavior and performance.  Having a dad who is a US Marine added to that model.   Their sons were expected to behave and perform to their capabilities.  The only option we had in our childhood was to be respectful of our parents.  Particularly we had no choice but to be respectful of dad's wife.  That she was our mother was only incidental to that absolute truth.  To disrespect mom was a near life ending choice.

Not a complex concept to understand.  

The number of people who struggle with this concept is mind boggling to me.

BethAnne's picture

Would you let anyone else be rude, sarcastic and talk to you nastily? Do you think it is ok for this girl to be rude, sarcastic and talk nastily to anyone else? Relatives? Teachers? Cops? Friends? Servers?....

No you shouldn't. Don't accept that kind of behavior from anyone, she doesn't have to like you (or anyone else) but she should be respectful and polite.

Start standing up for yourself, it seems no one else is going to. 

Personally I  would not be with a man that tolerated me being treated thatway by anyone - he has little respect for you if he has accepted/ignored this.

CLove's picture

of something. No, do not just sit on the sidelines eating multiple ch1t sandwhiches. She will soon be 18 and ready for launch.
You have been on this board a LONG time (11 years?). Please take the advice given, because if Lazy A$$ doesnt launch and you do not stand up for yourself, this will continue making you unhappy.

Your partner is not standing up to her at all, you are the scape goat for whatever she wants to give (or not give) you. Previously no birthday acknowledgement and being told you are "just the girlfriend".

Id start standing up to her and thinking of snappy responses. And planning an exit strategy.

Harry's picture

As in no cooking, no cleaning, no taking her anywhere. No money spent on SD.  

Stepdrama2020's picture

12 years of this and your DH does nothing? 

Starting today you can do lots!! You take ownership that this is also your home and that nobody especially a snotty SD can treat you poorly. Since you found  your new assertiveness rip your DH a new one. 

The only thing worse than a disrespecting SD is a disrespecting DH. He has shown her for 12 years that it is ok to treat you bad. Get flipping postal on him. Show him that you mean it.