How do I approach hygiene issue with child’s father
So now that it's flu and cold season I'm starting to notice something I don't really know how to bring up to my boyfriend in a way that doesn't sound preachy.
His 5 year old just started kindergarten two months ago, and since school has started I've counted her being sick 5 times in these two months. Seems like a lot to me, but I get that kids are full of germs etc. The problem I see is that I never see her washing her hands. She also still sucks her thumb. A lot. Not just at night but all day if she's watching her iPad or sitting on the couch. Then I see her pick her nose etc and touch everything. Recently I have started trying to set a good example and wash my hands immediately when we get home from somewhere and before dinner and all that. I also ask her if she's washed hers in the hope that she will pick up on my lead. How should I approach this subject with her father however? Just mention that she's been sick a lot or also mention the thumb sucking/germ spreading that way as well?? I work in health care and can not afford to be getting sick from her every other weekend and risk putting my patients in danger of getting sick.
Also side note I mentioned it to my boyfriend once and he laughed and said haha I never get sick. Karma has it he came down with her illness the next week. Dumbass!
I don't think it
I don't think it is preachy to tell her father that her thumb sucking and nose picking leads to spreading illness. It is a basic biological fact. A 5 year old is going to need much more than gentle suggestions and a good example. Telling her that it is time to wash her hands or putting a good squirt of hand sanitizer in her hands and teaching her hygiene is necessary. And her father may not be concerned about the health issues associated with constant thumb sucking but has he been informed of the high cost of dental problems if she does not stop?
Kindy kids are gross
And if this is his kiddo's first foray into a classroom environment, she will catch every bug out there. It's normal, but it will get better.
Your best bet is to do your best to teach the kiddo. Model good handwashing, tell her picking her nose is gross, etc. It doesn't sound like Dad is concerned. I would not push on the thumbsucking. She'll give that up when she's ready and pressure likely will make it worse.
It's a little concerning that
It's a little concerning that you can't bring up something this basic with him - ie, "she needs to wash her hands more, kids are germy, can you ask her to wash before meals" etc? Would he get defensive about something so simple and obvious?
I don't think he would get
I don't think he would get defensive, I just don't want to say something if it's not my place to. I've read some stories on here and don't want to over step any boundaries. We don't live together or anything but I am there every day so it is a legitimate concern about catching all these germs!
I would just do it
I would just do it educationally then, since you are in health care - "Hey SO, did you know that pushing your DD to wash her hands more often could help all of us get sick less?"
kids are germy.. they can get
kids are germy.. they can get sick A LOT.. even with decent age appropriate handwashing/hygiene. Especially for the next few years. My SD's were 5 and 9 when I met my DH.. and it wasn't until the younger one was maybe 12 or so that the germ train seemed to really slow down. It sucks too because what may be a minor sniffle to a child can knock an adult for a loop.
I might continue to model good handwashing and make it fun.. sing a song to make sure she does it long enough. Her dad can do more than that if he wants.. but the thumbsucking etc.. that will probably not happen overnight.. and not sure that is a hill to die on for you at this point.
So does your DH wash his
So does your DH wash his hands after he uses the restroom? Does he wash his hands before he eats or serves food? Does he brush his teeth daily and floss? If he can't be bothered to do these basics on the daily I doubt he is going to worry about teaching his kid these things on the daily.
I had to address severe hygiene issues with sd9
when I met dh sd9 (she was 8 at the time) had never showered, brushed teeth, washed hands, etc on her own. Dh mom was doing it for her. She was getting a bath once a week with baby shampoo because dh elderly mom thought that was normal. I had to bring it up to dh on my second week of dating him that this was unacceptable.
I gently told him that kids Do not automatically know how to wash hands and take care of their hygiene, that these are learned items. I asked him if I could teach her these things in a practical lesson and asked him if he could implement the hygiene routine when I’m not around. He agreed and thanked me for noticing because he didn’t notice the child was dirty until I said something.
I swear these men are blind and lazy when it comes to child rearing. Tell him your concerns and present your solution for addressing said concerns so he doesn’t have to think about it, his only job in this case is to implement. Just do it very kindly and gently.
Same here, SDs were 7 and 9.
Same here, SDs were 7 and 9. Had never showered (only baths), didn't know how to use a washcloth or shampoo. Didn't brush teeth or wash hands, change clothes at end of day (wore clothes instead of pjs to bed). DH - AND BM were both to blame for this. It was shocking. I did what I could but as soon a resentment crept in, I stopped helping. Basically stopping any help with OSD and teeth brushing was my first disengagement act.
Ugh it's very frustrating!
Ugh it's very frustrating! These things seem so basic to me and it's annoying that I even have to bring it up! Funny you have to constantly coddle men even when you are trying to help them and help their child lol.
If you are living with them then you do have a SAY
It up to your BF to be a parent. He has to parent his kid. Part of that is to make wash there hands, take a shower, ect. Yes you should tell your BF. He is lazy or just doesn't know it's his job. Thumbs sucking is a real problem, you can remind her not to do it.
But you have to fact the fact that your BF is the main problem. And if you don't get on the same page now, it's only going to get worst. As she gets older. Is he a a Disney dad, or just lazy, wanting you to do the work? Do she have age appropriate job to do in the home. ? Or does he do everything for her.
At five she should shower by herself, There should be a shower time. Before school or before bed. As 8 pm shower 8:30 bed time.
Lol the hand washing is a
Lol the hand washing is a smaller issue stemming from some of the things you mentioned. She has zero chores in the house, does not pick up toys or anything after using them, leaves dinner plates and cups for dad to clean up, takes off and leaves dirty clothes all over the house, and I know this is entirely her dad's fault as she is always willing to help me if she sees me folding laundry or making a bed. She does not takes showers only baths and she requires him or me to be in the bathroom with her the entire time. She also cannot sleep on her own and if she wakes up during the night she gets up and makes him come back to bed with her wherever that may be (most of the time he lets her sleep in our bed and I sleep on the couch or he moves her to her own bed later). I've never dated anyone with children before so I don't know how normal any of those things are for a 5 year old. I do know that my best friend has a girl the same age and she seems light years more mature and advanced than my boyfriend's daughter. I love her a lot and want the best for her but it's not my job to tell him every little thing about how to be a decent parent right?!
If the kid lives in or
If the kid lives in or regularly visits your home you address it directly. If daddy takes issue with it tell him to step up and get it done before you have to.