A little background on my marriage,  my husband became a father at a young age. Him and his sons mom were never together.  My husband's  mother,  the grandmother forced him to be a dad. She has basically been the child's mother.  She caudles him and he does no wrong.  My husband has always been in his son's life and had raised him but anytime he tried to discipline him the grandmother always intervened.  She always lies to bring up the fact that he used to do the same things when he was that age,  so he couldn't say anything to him.  She says this in front of the child.  That's just one of the many dysfunctions.  

I came along when he was 8 yo. At first he seemed well behaved and that he minded his dad. That was just a show. At first we had him week on week off with his bm. Then when he was 10 she moved 2 hours away and he chose to stay with us because we lived closer to grandma. It started out ok but then we all started fighting because I push for discipline but his dad works rather ignore the issues to avoid an argument.  I can't stand it.  It ruins my mood to watch this kid be so ungrateful,  demanding,  rude, entitled and still get everything he wants.   A lot of times he picks and chooses who he wants to be with and where he wants to go like he's an adult. If we're not doing something fun,  he calls around to the rest of the family and goes with whomever is doing what he wants to do and his dad let's him so he doesn't have I deal with him. So when he gets stuck with us doing something boring he is awful. Whiney,  rude and a lot of times starts a fight and ruins the day.  His dad can overlook this but I can't.  He claims it's because I don't have children of my own but I know what a good kid acts like and I was raised.  I know that if I acted like he acts to my parents I would still be grounded.  He has no respect for anyone. He lies all the time and everyone around him let's him by with it.  I'm the only one who calls him or so he's starting to hate me and I'm starting to really dislike being around him.  When I know he's going to be with us I automatically get overwhelmed with a sense of dread and I don't even want to be with my husband when he's around. 

When I try to talk to my husband and set boundaries and figure out better ways for us to communicate and parent he gets defensive and just says "well I'm just a terrible dad and he's just an awful kid" he won't change his habits. I think we should take privileges when he acts up but my husband won't because then he will have to miss out on doing something to.  It's to the point where I can't do this anymore.