a new baby will take away from her kids it's not "fair"
Hello,
My partner and I have been together 2 yrs and she has 2 wonderful children ages 11 and 13. We are a lesbian couople. They are generally great kids and we are a good family together. However I would love to have a baby but my partner thinks it's unfair to her kids. She says what if the baby is crying or needy during an event or concert we are at for "her" kids. She says it's not fair that we would have to step out to attend to the baby because we would miss their stuff. This was extremely hurtful and I'm not sure what to do. We just bought a house together. I treat her kids like they are my own and do a lot I mean a lot of them. So to hear her say a new baby would take away from her kids was beyond hurtful and I don't know what to do. She told me she doesn't want me to bring up the baby issues for another year anyways. So I backed off but I'm feeling lost. I don't want to end up being a single parent in a relationship. That's awful and I don't want that. Why can't she see that a baby is an addition to a family not a thing that takes away from the family. She also decided to tell me that she really doesn't like small children because you cannot rationalize with them. She stated that before and told me it was very hard for her when her kids were little becasue she hated that phse. I never used to think her kids were spoiled but I am starting to think that and I'm not happy about it. I think she puts herself and myself way out just to accommodate them. I don't think it's right....Feeling hurt and lost....
^^^this!...sounds pretty
^^^this!...sounds pretty selfish to me!
If her children are 11 and
If her children are 11 and thirteen I can easily understand why she doesn't want to have more children. I doubt she will feel any more inclined to have children when hers are 12 and 14. In fact the older hers get, the less inclined she will be to have more. Trust me on that. Babies are a lot of hard work and she's done her time. You haven't. Having children is something that people need to discuss before they move into together. Something that needs to be discussed early in the relationship and especially when the relationship is becoming serious. Its not something you should bring up after you marry or move in together, and what's happening to you now, is the reason why.
If you want children, this may not be the partner for you. Sorry. Once we have our children and they grow up a bit, the thought of more babies around the house, well, we do see it differently to people who have never had babies. Your partner may well be past the baby stage.
I wouldn't waste another year of my life waiting to bring it up. This is far too important an issue. Bring it up once and for all. If she cannot see herself having more children, then you need to accept that. If you cannot see yourself without children, then you need to move on and find a partner who wants children with you.
Did she think it was unfair
Did she think it was unfair to her first child when she had her second? Probably not. She sounds like she just doesn't want more children.
I think she is just done
I think she is just done having children... and if having children is something you want in life, then she is probably not the one for you. DH was mostly ambivalent about having children in the beginning of our relationship, but he knew it was important to me so it became important to him and now BD is the light of his life.
I know I would have regretted it greatly if I never had kids, and that's not a regret I would want to live with. Some people can, I could not. This is something you will have to decide for yourself.
I agree with the above that
I agree with the above that she probably just doesnt want another kid... but she needs to be honest and actually say that to you. My husbands kids are 8 and 10, and we are just now having another baby--- so the age thing I don't necessarily buy into (but everyone is different). You need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you or not.
In my opinion... if you really really need this to feel complete, then she should be willing to talk to you about it and not just have a solid no. But I also agree you guys need to talk about this sooner than later.
She sure does sound selfish
She sure does sound selfish and I don't know why she's not even willing to talk it over properly with you - especially since you've shown your commitment to her by purchasing a house (congrats by the way!).
Did she raise the kids by herself or did both her and ex raise them together? I'm asking because if she raised kids from a young age on her own, I could understand her reluctance, if she didn't have support from her ex. If she DID have support, then it shouldn't affect her decision to have a child with you, as you would've made it clear to her that you would be there raising your child together.
She really shouldn't base her past history with raising her kids on raising a child with you, as circumstances coud be completely different.
I get that she's focused on her kids right now, but she should open her heart and mind to discussing something that obviously means a LOT to you, with you. Not just outright reject it for another year - that's just ridiculous - you didn't tell her for you both to wait another year before you purchased your house to show your commitment to eachother.
Hopefully, she realises how much this means to you, shows that she appreciates all that you do for her and her kids and try to work out a way that you can both adopt and raise a child.
You've always been there for her and supported her - why can't she do the same for you?
OMG she sounds so selfish.
:jawdrop: OMG she sounds so selfish.