I'm not officially a step-parent, but my lesbian partner has 4 kids. 8,12,15, and 17. Her ex-husband (still married) and her seperate 2 years ago after she came oit. My partner has had a really awful life. She was abandoned by her bio mother at age 4 and raised by an emotionally abusive narcissistic father. She was raped by her grandfather several times as a kid. Sometimes as children from the neighborhood watched. She was also raped by her cousin. After 18 years of an absolute poverty-stricken and abusive life, she met her ex husband who emotionally preyed upon her. He is a sociopath and forced her into marriage through guilt and manipulation. Everything they had sex, it was forced upon her. She knew she was gay, but in small town OK, it wasn't okay. After 6 months she got pregnant and deeply involved herself into motherhood. As years went by, he continued to emotionally and physically rape her....producing 3 more children. Finally she met some brave women after they moved to LA and they helped her leave him. However, the divorce still hasn't been finalized. He still emotionally controls her and it took me intervening for her to stop talking to him except through email. He is physically abusive and texts her to have sex with him. He's growing dangerously more deceptive and aggressive as the divorce nears.
The 15 year old is a girl and was sexualized by her father. He was emotionally abusive and would call her fat or sexy. She's now a severe anemic and majorly manic-depressive and refuses to take her meds. She has no contact with him and lives with her mom. The youngest, the other girl, 8, is sleeping in his bed and takes her out on dates. He spoils her and buys her whatever she desires. She throws selfish tantrums and falls apart with the smallest things that go wrong. She's aggressive and consistently back talks her mother. My partner and I are at a loss. She can't afford a lawyer to finalize the divorce and get custody. The 12 year old boy is great and the 17 year old boy continually rebels against his mom. The kids are lazy. I adore their mother and am trying so hard to figure out what to do. She's new to our town and has no friends yet. She is an empath and works as a nurse at the hospital and can barely afford to live. We've only been together for 3 months. I'm 34 and have never had experience with children. I want to help and to love these children, but I'm so exhausted. I don't make enough money to help. All I can do is take each day step by step and hope that everyone gets the help they need. They live in a tiny 3 bedroom home. That's 5 people, plus me, and two large dogs in a tiny home that's emotionally falling apart.
Please.....I need advice.
I'm so emotionally exhausted. It's SO much all at once. I'm an artist aND an introvert who is very independent. I'm trying to mesh my world with hers and I don't know how. I want to be strong enough to get through this. I have a therapist, and so does she. We can't do a restraining order against the father until the divorce is done, but we don't know how to afford the legal battle. He is manipulative and cunning. He will be hard to fight and makes 100k a year.
Help?