Where's My happy ending?
Been dating a man for almost 5yrs, both approaching 30yrsold. We've lived together for 2 1/2. I don't see us getting married....he is very unenthused about the idea. He says I don't love him enough. I feel hurt and disgusted I've wasted so much of my time with him. Everything is on his terms, I don't control anything. We don't share anything but the place we live in together. I'm not even on the lease, so I could leave at any time. I feel used and abused. He of course, has been married before and has an 8yrold daughter every other weekend. First wife got everything, access to his checking account, he bought her a car, they shared everything and also got to have a baby. I get virtually nothing. It's not fair at all.
I would love to have children of my own. But, this situation is not what I feel I deserve. It's heartbreaking. And he especially, doesn't care. I remember dating the few ex's I had in the past, and how when we got serious, we dreamed together. We talked of marriage, talked of wanting a family together, we would "dream" together. And it was exciting. We had something to look forward to. Something special that we could share together in the future, and that would bond us. None of that is in this relationship. It's a depressing nightmare. The emotional torture is with me everyday. I have to hold back tears every single day. I can't wait to leave him, even thinking about it, makes me excited for my future to come. How anyone on earth can choose this hell.....of a divorced man with kid(s)....must enjoy pain. Don't get mad....that's just how I feel. Maybe your situation is different. I finally learned my lesson. I'm RUNNNNNING far far away from this once my next paycheck comes in. It's the loneliest I've ever been in a relationship. Love what love? No love here. Where's my happy ending? 
Please share your experience of dealing with this, would LOVE to hear your story especially if you left him, and found true love with a single no baggage man. I need some motivation...
***ADDITIONALLY: We have
***ADDITIONALLY: We have discussed marriage many times, but he always has an excuse. It allows him to string me along for more years. Remember, it's all about him. It's on HIS terms. When HE feels he's ready. When things are good FOR HIM. He doesn't have legitimate reasons. He fears marriage, and basically makes me feel as if I'm not good enough...."that I need to do better"....and once that happens he may choose to marry me. I've absolutely had it. He will knock me up, if I want, but he won't marry me. I want to be married before I bring a child into the world. He doesn't care about that. I've never been married before and have no kids. Extremely frustrating, and again, unfair.
It sounds like your main
It sounds like your main concern is whether or not you will find someone to love you and marry you. I know 40 year olds who finally find their matches, so of course there is hope for a 30 yr old with no kids! But you have to make sure you are happy as a single person first. Don't rush it. I have been in your position before and although I did not "waste" quite as much time, it is hard to walk away when you have invested time in someone. I actually did waste 8 years of my life on my exhusband and I remember my mom saying, "You are 35! If you wait any longer, you will be in your 40s and who will want you then?" LOL But I am better now than I was in my 30s. Don't waste another year on him and stick with your plans to move on. You deserve better!
You are miserable and
You are miserable and unhappy. Grab your next pay cheque and run like the wind.
Punkin is right on this. I've
Punkin is right on this. I've wasted 15 years thinking it'll get better. It hasn't I'm now in my late 50's. She still puts her kids before me. She still doesn't contribute to household expenses or house payment/utilities/maintenance/vehicles. Her check goes to support SS20 and SD23. I get no compassion, no affection, no sex, no respect and no gratitude. I have no kids of my own and treated her kids as though they were mine but never got even a thanks for it. It's always been them three as family and me as outsider. You've already wasted five years, DON'T be me in another ten and kick yourself for wasting your life and resources on someone that gives you nothing in return.