Anit-parenting Double Standard
Seriously how do people do it? How can your body take the stress? I've fallen apart in the last year since my BF and his son moved in. I was even hospitalized for a week. I've gained like 30 lbs (a lot for me) and bitten off my once beautiful nails.
I haven't been on here in a while. I get so angry when I read all the horrible treatment other step parents deal with from their significant others. Really it seems like there is so much disrespect and uncaring for the person who you are supposed to be closest to.
For me the double standard my BF takes against my son and grandson when his child is a disaster and doing seriously disturbing things with only rewards and coddling has brought me to my breaking point. I don't think I'm going to hold on to this relationship much longer. My grandson is only 2 years old and behaves a 1000 times better than his 8 year old (because he is being parented and has consequences for his actions - time outs) and yet my BF will try and punish him for ANYTHING like standing in front of the television for a few minutes. Meanwhile his child is stealing other kids bikes, ditching school, acting like a toddler in every way, talks to his father like he is a piece of dirt and orders him around, was caught having another little boy fondle him, etc. etc. etc. And does my BF even reprimand him? NOoooooooo. It is absolutely sickening. And I'm tired of fighting with him over his disgusting favoritism. Every time his son is around he takes him out and buys him little gifts and treats but he never just does anything like that for anybody else INCLUDING ME. Plus it is a battle to get my BF to give me the money he owes me for his part of the bills a lot of the time too. He will pay me for a while and then relapse into dodging me until I have to ask. This immaturity is so pathetic in a man in his 40s.
Why have I put up with it? Well at first BF was loving and he is kind and loving to my grandson when his monster isn't around. But that is the problem. We have him half of the week. So half of my life is hell. At least my BF is not treating the monster like his little wife anymore. But now I am so stressed to leave the room at all when my grandson is with the monster as I'm afraid he will try to touch him inappropriately or hurt him. He is such a sick little amoral creep.
I just don't think this is ever going to get any better. And I don't think I can live like this the next 10 years minimum until the monster turns 18. It is so sad that if BF would just turn a little discipline on his own spawn instead of badgering good kids then all would be resolved. Funny how he can see the logic in discipline when it comes to other kids but not his own. That just *&!@#$ me off to no end as it makes no sense! Even reading this I'm like I need to end this and what is wrong with me. (Sorry had to vent)
"Even reading this I'm like I
"Even reading this I'm like I need to end this and what is wrong with me."
--->Yeah, that's what I was thinking. My situation isn't even HALF as bad as yours and I've considered ending it. Heck, we HAVE broken up a couple of times over crap. The problem is that you moved in together, which is just never a good idea imo. I know it's popular, but it's sooooooooooooooo much easier to date. Sorry you are going through this, but if it doesn't get better, fix it before you get sicker!
Yes, if we weren't living
Yes, if we weren't living together it would be great I think. I could just go home and have peace at my house. But financially it was supposed to be better for both of us. Sooooooooooo not worth it. I've tried to suggest just living apart but he he doesn't want to be an adult about it. I hate to be mean, but being the nice doormat is killing me. There is no talking about anything with him as he doesn't want to be reasonable.
Well, it sounds like he's
Well, it sounds like he's living the good life off of you. Why would he agree to stop that?
Please Geema, reread your
Please Geema, reread your post. What would you tell that woman? I think the dealbreaker for me would be my health. (and the weight gain lol). The older I get the more I realize that NOTHING is worth your peace of mind. Good luck and God bless.
Yes, the dealbreaker is
Yes, the dealbreaker is health. I've been there, I understand. At the very least, just live separately. I know lots of couples who do this and still maintain a relationship.
You’ve fallen apart, you’re
You’ve fallen apart, you’re stressed, afraid to leave your grandson alone with the kid, you’ve been hospitalized you have gained a lot of weight and are clearly very depressed. You got a little sex offender, delinquent in the making living under your roof half the time, making your life hell the whole time, and a BF who is financially and emotionally abusive and refuses to parent his kid.
What’s to question? It’s better to face the fears of finances and loneliness that you can overcome than to face an unstable personality whose only concern is for himself. If your BF is threatening you with all or nothing, take nothing, because that is better than what you have right now. Kids don’t mysteriously change or disappear once they reach age 18.
Time to get buddy and his kid permanently out of your house AND your life. I’m sure BF can turn on the charm like a light switch when it benefits him but it will switch off just as quickly. His love is false. Kiss him off. He is toxic to you.
I have just banned my ss13
I have just banned my ss13 from the home until my dh is willing to parent him. My dh would like him to be here, but does not wish to parent him appropriately. SS is not really wanting to be here if he is going to be parented so we are all at a stalemate. But what that means for me is the kid doesnt come to my house. I feel like I have offered to compromise (as I dont want the little bugger in my house at all at this point), have offered to work on things and give it a try, but honestly they are not.
I have told my dh that it is just not possible to parent two kids in the same household so differently and I am not willing to participate in that nor am I comfortable with a child in my home that has no parental guidance.
"it is just not possible to
"it is just not possible to parent two kids in the same household so differently and I am not willing to participate in that nor am I comfortable with a child in my home that has no parental guidance."
I know what its like to
I know what its like to always worry about your own kids being sexually abused. My 4 skids moved in with us because they were abused, so I constantly worried about mine being abused. Couldn't let certain kids be left home alone together while I ran errands,certain kids couldn't share rooms ect... After 7 years I moved out in May and have never felt such peace! I didn't need my anxiety meds anymore ect.. BUT my husband can't be with out me, and cried and begged and nagged until I came back. It isn't DH.. it's skids and BM that all drive me crazy!!! I too gained 30 lbs since July and am sooo depressed, but I know i have no way out, unless I want to deal with DH sadness again
But YOU should GET OUT!!! SAVE YOURSELF and GRANDSON and your HEALTH and your SANITY!!! PLEASE!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!
I've suspected That stress
I've suspected That stress has a lot to do with these terrible migraines I've developed over the past year or so, seeing that you also are having physical issues really confirms that. The mind can only take so much
Get yourself some help, even if it means washing your hands off it all and refusing to participate. You won't be any good to anyone if you start falling apart.