Anyone else feel this way?
So, I don't know if anyone else feels this way or not. It may be a petty issue but it does bother me. My boyfriend refers to both me and his daughter as "babe". This really bothers me. I don't feel "special" to him. I feel like I am being put in the same category as his daughter who is ten years old. Now, I know this may seem childish but I do feel like I deserve to be treated, or at least, called something different than what he calls his daughter. More than half the time when she is here visiting I do not respond to him because I assume he is talking to her. I just don't think it is right to refer to both me (an adult) and a ten year old as "babe". I feel this makes her think she has the same amount of say (etc.) or more than me. I do not think this is right. I may not have expressed it the best here but if anyone else has experienced this I would greatly appreciate any advice.
My DH calls me babe too but
My DH calls me babe too but SD is referred to as sweetie-pie or sweetie for short.
I would be a little bothered if he had the same nicknames for us because I'd feel like he'd be puting me on the same level as his kid or visa versa. It would feel creepy.
Honestly, I believe is shouldn't be a big deal but yeah..it would bother me.
I don't know if what I did worked but when DH and I were dating he never had a pet name for me. So I started calling him babe, hon, dear. He finally started calling me those. He learned by example? lol Try it. Its worth a shot.
It's understandable that it
It's understandable that it bothers you! Have you mentioned that it sorta bothers you to him? Tell him you know it seems petty, but that you can't seem to get a grip on how much it bothers you. Hopefully he'll be super understanding and try to fix this!
DH used to call SS and I by
DH used to call SS and I by the same names. I brought it up to him and he thought I was being the evil stepmom until we were out in public and he tried to get my attention and said "hey babe" and both SS and I answered. It weirded him out so he stopped. Why you would call a little boy babe, I have no idea.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
My DH sometimes calls his
My DH sometimes calls his grown kids "lover." Seriously. Ick ick ick. He has also used what I thought was a pet name for me when referring to a female friend (nothing untoward going on between them I'm sure). MY DH is sometimes a big leaky bag of emotions so I try to let it go except when it bothers me. Then I simply tell him, "it bothers me when you do x." It works really well for us.
Dh calls me babe and every
Dh calls me babe and every once in awhile he calls Creature babe. I think it is a slip so I don't say anything, but it does bug me. Plus I recently found out that Wingnut's father refers to everyone as "babe" and that bugs me.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
With my boyfriend it is
With my boyfriend it is definitely not a slip of the tongue to call his daughter "babe". It just creeps me it out to know we both are called the same thing and she is ten years old. Ick! At times I think his daughter thinks she is special because he calls her that and she knows he calls me that. I think she sees it as hey, I'm better than you. She is starting to develop that attitude towards me. I have such a hard time dealing when she is around. I actually dread when I know she will be here. i do not enjoy it. It is having a stranger in my house!
You aren't alone in your
You aren't alone in your thoughts. I pretty much keep to myself when Creature is here. DH doesn't ignore me, but I don't really participate in his time with her. I feel bad for him because he pretty much spends time with me or with her but not really together (except Friday evenings for 1/2 hour, I've agreed to family game night - I suffer through it). I just don't enjoy her company. She has an attitude problem and it grates on my nerves.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I think you should tell him
I think you should tell him if it really bothers you. We stepmoms are good at not saying things just to prevent sounding like we have a problem with DH's kids but hey, it is what it is. at least that's what my new therapist says. yes, i had to get a therapist just to deal with the stepparenting nightmare.
My boyfriend calls his daughter boo but no nickname for me
I am dating a man who has an adult daughter.
He calls her boo and doesn't have any nick names for me. When I point it out, he seems to do it more. I mean maybe he just didn't want to feel controlled but it really hurts because I should be his boo after 5 years.
He's an asshole. No doubt about it.
He turns up the asshole when you bring this topic up that bothers you.
Give him a nickname. I would make his nickname Buy-bye.
No one should have to fight for position in their relationship. You are his equity life partner and you trump anyone and everyone else. Just as he does for you.
So, say see ya to Buy-bye and his Boo and get on with living your best life where your next SO is of quality and maturity not to leverage something that bothers you for some cheap pathetic bullshit.
Meh
I think the whole pet name
I think the whole pet name thing with kids is kind of creepy, anyway, especially if the names are names that you'd typically use with a girlfriend/wife. My dh calls us both negra or preciosa interchangably, and it has always bothered me, but I feel like an evil stepmother if i say anything. I wonder if I am just jealous at the intensity of their connection -- dh is always hugging and kissing her, she's always jumping into our bed (his side). All that stuff bugs me a lot, but so far I've generally kept quiet.
I don't know -- my dad used to drop a "y" at the end of my name, and that was good enough for me.
So, I talked to my boyfriend
So, I talked to my boyfriend about this issue and he truly is blind as to why it bothers me even when I say it point blank to him. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel alone and isolated. I feel like his daughter is running the house even when she isn't here. Extremely stressful! I don't know what to do from here. I told him and I guess it is up to him now. I really want to disengage this weekend with out bing rude, but I am struggling with it all now.
You know exactly what to do. So do it.
Being alone in a relationship is far worse than actually being alone where you enjoy time with who you are with. You.
Do not sacrifice yourself on the altar of SParental martyrdom to this dipshit and his failed family baggage.
Get on to living your best life.
Take care of you.
My DH used to do this exact
My DH used to do this exact same thing, call us both babe. I told him how I felt and he stopped.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
My bf calls me babe and his
My bf calls me babe and his stepdaughter "his baby girl" and I guess it doesn't bother me but if he called us both the same it would. I think the problem lies in that these men are not distinguishing their children as just that....children. My stepdaughter is all over our personal adult business...finances, what I spend on groceries, ect.... and I totally disagree with her being involved in adult matters that do not concern her. She has actually looked at a reciept that was in my car and asked me what this was for and why I spent that money. It is all in how one looks at their children and if they raise them as friends or as their child. JMO
That is exactly the problem.
That is exactly the problem. He is not distinguishing his child as a child. He thinks she has the right to know everything and go through everything. There are no boundaries with her. We have been arguing for the past four days over the issue of her. Our arguments usually start over money, he feels I do not contribute enough. I'm doing the best I can in my situation. Also, we are argue over his kid because he won't set boundaries with her. He needs to tell me what my boundaries are with me with her!! See my blog "I think our relationship is nearing the end...".
My Fiance does the same
My Fiance does the same thing. He calls SD7 Hon as well as me. And it drives me nuts!!!! He doesnt see it from my side either! We have argued about this many times and it never changes.
OK, one more thing I can add
OK, one more thing I can add to my list of being thankful for - DH never refers to SD's by any pet names. I would be totally creeped out if he called his one of the SD's babe because that's what he calls me all the time.
I've been paying attention
I've been paying attention to my own use of pet names (and it's not pretty). I tend to call DH and my BD AND the dogs "babe" or "sweetie." I guess I use these as generic "I love you" terms. But there are other pet names for DH, BD and yes, the dogs, that are theirs alone. "Doofus" is for one of the dogs but I don't call DH that, at least not endearingly! hahaha
lol...you're too funny babe.
lol...you're too funny babe.
LOL, I am guilty. That is me
LOL, I am guilty. That is me and my husband. We rarely call each other by our first names. It's either babe or "wife" for me. He is either babe or "husband." Yes, we actually call each other by our titles. I say, "Husband, can you get the door for me?"
LOL.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
I quit a dentist once
I quit a dentist once because his assistant drove me crazy the same way. Ok winehead we're going to do this now. winehead, how are you doing? Now, winehead, spit. That was a good spit, winehead. No shit, I ran screaming out of there every time so I know where you're coming from. My Mom, now 93, still calls me Babe and it's adorable. So for me it's kinda cute.
Hi all, I'm new to the forum
Hi all, I'm new to the forum and I'm glad to have found it. I'm in a situation that feels very unhealthy for me, and I would love feedback from men and women alike. I'm a separated woman (been 3 years, hoping for divorce this year), childless, living with my partner (he's divorced, 2 kids). I saw the problem coming a year ago, right after my partner told me he has an ex and two children...he told me this because she rekindled contact after a few years of absolute silence/unwillingess to communicate (on his side as well as hers). I love children, and have always only known the patchwork family lifestyle. I was excited for him with regards to possible contact to the kids, but reserved concerning her new interest in him. He explained to me that she re-married soon after their divorce was finalized, so I shouldn't worry. Then I opened my mouth and made a prediction: In one year, she will no longer be with her husband, and six months, at the latest, following their split, she will tell you she wants you back.
Well, folks, it's all happened. He left her, though she had been planning to break away. With this ex2 gone, room was clear for my partner to see the children (she blamed the visitation issue on ex2). For everyone's sake, I consented to spending one Christmas day (here in Germany, there are 3) at her place. The kids are wonderful, and we three get along great! What bothered me was some physical contact between my partner and the ex. I talked to him about that, and he said he would lay off. Okay. We were over again 2 weeks later. I told him it was difficult for me, especially since she keeps bringing up the past with him, and I watch them stroll down memory lane together. I warned him that she would also want to come over for his birthday in January (she did,...and she did). I wanted to not be there, but I wanted him to be able to see his kids, and I didn't want any kind of scene. While here, she pulled the same thing...
Again, over at her place (I go because he wants me to, and I want to be able to connect with the kids, too, because this is a serious relationship), I watched...and felt like the 5th wheel...the two adults and the two kids in one corner of the room, and I, a spectator, in another. Again, physical contact...and again, she brought up the past. I had another talk with him, and I do trust him...just not her.
They were on the phone yesterday to clear up child support issues (economic crises not sparing my partner, either), and the kids' first overnighter at our place when, following a few minutes of chit chat, she told him that the two of them should be married. Also, his daughter left a message asking him to go over on Valentine's Day because she has a surprise for him.
I don't hate his ex; I simply have never entertained the thought of becoming friends with her, and everything I predicted she would do and say has come to pass. My partner is torn, and "can't" snub her comments or actions because he wants to see his kids, and I totally understand that. But what do I do? I have never, nor will I ever, fight for a man, especially not one who has children - but I didn't wreck their home, nor did I ruin her second marriage. If it seems I've put less heart into this, it's not true...I love and respect him (our relationship is a happy one, excepting THIS), his ex and the children, AND (not BUT) I love and respect myself. I never wanted to play games, but it appears we are already part of hers. What is an appropriate action, or reaction to this series of events?
Erica.
First, welcome. I hope that
First, welcome. I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and to pick up some useful advice from others who are living the adventure of the blended family dream.
You are pending a divorce. You have learned what you want in a relationship and hopefully what you don't want. What you will tolerate, and what you won't. Do really want to saddle yourself with partner overwhelmed by his failed family baggage?
Give yourself a future. Focus on living your best life. Living well is also the best revenge against an X and the best way to put yourself in a position to engage with quality people who will not degrade your best life journey.
Not to be a harbinger of doom. However, far more than half of relationships that include someone who is divorced fail. 50% of first marriages fail. Retread marriages far more rarely succeed.
Give yourself a chance and do not subjugate yourself in a relationship where you will not be first for your mate.
Take care of you.
Good luck.
Rags...
This post is 14 years old.
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Lol.
Thanks for pointing that out. I did not see it. I thought that Usade was a new participant.
I have had that very same
I have had that very same conversation! It drives me absolutely crazy! I have talked to my boyfriend about it and he understands but he still slips up. I try not to let it get to me too much but its still a pet peeve of mine as well!