anything will help im sure
31 year old fiance to a man w 2(5&9) boys and i have two kids of my own boy(Cool and girl(12) and together we have a daughter(20mo) CONFUSED haha? We have been together 4 years in march. We are dealing with ALOT of adjusting primarly his "ex" adjusting to me being in the picture. She herself has had a "man" whom we still dont know if they are married or not. They have had two girls themselves in the past three years so when i hooked up with my fiance she had just gotten pregnate with the new mans baby. This "Chick" has comitted welfare fraud, tax fraud, insurance fraud medi-cal fruad, child support fraud and has failed two drug test (abusing perscription) and the state still turns a blind eye. I have had it at my wits end and its so very hard to just brush things off with her and contuniously get frustrated with my fiance how he is so good at being cordual with her and he gets frustrated at me when i get mad at everything she does. I know he is doing the right thing by being the "adult" in the matter but it is so annoying when she does little vendictive things and same day smile and talk politly to your face like she has done nothing. guess my question is how do i keep my COOL and shrug her off without taking everything personal? Where is my place as the Fiance we have the boys half the time and im the primary care taker when they are here while dads at work. she basicly portarys me as just the "girlfriend" and i really dont have any athourity as a "stepmom" until me and the "dad" are really married. HELP HOW DO I HOLD MY SANITY IM LOOSING IT FAST
You cannot change anyone.
You cannot change anyone. You can only voice your opinion and I've never found it helpful to have to constantly repeat myself. The only thing you have total control is how you choose to let a situation make you feel. If you know you are a better person, than try not to concern yourself with petty things. Don't let it affect you. Then your fiance would have no reason to be frustrated at you.
If the welfare and pill issue is seriously affecting the children, then maybe it is a big enough issue to petition for sole custody until she can clean up her act. Other than that how she chooses to live her life is her choice as long as she is a good mother.
Breathe. And tell yourself that you are better than this. That she is the ex for good reason. That you see right through her but choose to take the high road. You are far too important to let her control how you feel about things.
I so agree with newbie1.
I so agree with newbie1. Remember sweetie dont loose yourself in all of this. Sometimes being a future step mom takes alot out of you and it can try your paitence at times. Do what I do when my ss and dh gets to me at times, run a hot bath with bubbles, pour yourself a big glass of wine after everyones in bed and remember to take care of you sometimes...
Big Hugs to you..
I totally agree with the
I totally agree with the whole you cant change anyone ive told myself this over and over and over and yea OVER again ha! i swear sometimes its like jeckel and hide or mabe like you know for exsample excersize is good for ya but doing it consistantly is another thing...(as i drink a frapachino at 8 at night for dinner).. its just keeping that mentality of being confident and having confidence in myself for one and another in the man i love.... i find myself at times dealing with past baggage from my failed marriage and wrongfully holding my fiance responsible for my mistakes and my ex's mistakes and seeing that im accusing him of things that just aren't so. he just proved me wrong in one way the other day i alway say his ex calls him when im gone more and when hes at work she calls him and we just in the past three months have gotten cell phones together but the break down of the bill hasnt ever been sent here like to see the calls coming in and going out...(sounds bad huh) anyhow so finally i went online and pulled up the bills and my heart sank like in a good way though but made me feel like an ass! cause he was being honest about the calls that no he dont talk to her other then briefly time to time only in regaurds to the kids and it was soo i feel better now knowing that there actually is an honest man in my life now.
See they have been having to go to co-parenting councling and i was a bit jealous because for the past two years ive been beging for us to go and then the courts demaneded they went so yea i flipped out! Mostly cause her actions and desplayed emotions show that she is missing him and wants to stay the focous of his attention and uses the kids and the court system to remind him shes still there so because of their past history of breaking up and getting back together i fear that its possible it could happen again (like you said i CANT control anything or anyone other then myself)
over all im hopping i have come to terms (in myself) that what will happen will happen and being posesive and jealous and just living in the "what ifs" would push any man away and drive not only him crazy but myself..... so in understanding that and that everything happens for a reason then just let it be HHUHH!?
like you girls said i can choose to dwell and live in fear or just take the high road and entrust in MYSELF that i am not a pill popper and a greedy woman who is mentally messin with my kids she is insecure with the fact that he has moved on and their boys over all do like me and it kills her to see him happly in love... We are known around the town as "love birds" everyone knows how in love we are and i just need to hold on to that and stay strong!
huh sounds like a diary.... what a nerd i am owell thanks for letting me vent this little site is neat to hear other struggling stepmoms find that they are not alone and that there is strength in numbers the encouraging words are extremly helpful even from strangers thank you ladies
oh and about that bubble bath and WINE well awesome sudjestion im a wineOOO i love me some good ol mustco wine ANYTIME~ thanx and Godbless
Jesus so HELP ME~