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Bio children and Step children sharing issues

siavregs93's picture

So, we are moving into a new apartment next week and we have run into an issue about the kids room. My 2 children go to their dads house on the weekend and my step children come to our house for the weekend. The only time all 5 kids see each other is for about two hours on Sunday before my step children go back to their moms and my kids come home from their dads. My childrens primary residence is with me Monday through Friday. They have bunk beds and a room full of toys. My step children have toys here of their own as well. My mother has been saying that the kids all need their own beds because my kids will feel like their room is not "their own" anymore if my step children sleep in their beds during the two nights on the weekend. Althought I agree when can financially afford buying  a house, that all the children need their own space, right now is not realistic to have 5 beds in a room lol. I don't want any of the children feeling any sort of way about having to share. Do you think there is a problem with having my step kids sleep in my kids bed when they are not there for 2 nights a week?

Another problem I have run into is my kids have certain toys that they do not want to share. For instance, my 7 year old son has Roblox actions figures and mini lego builds that are rather pricey and he stresses to me all the time that he does not want anyone touching them because the last time he let the other kiddos play with them, two of them got broken. All of the kids have SOME sort of toy or something that they dont want to share. So my idea was getting some plastic storage drawers and having those special toys put in them in the closet so they are kept safe. All the other toys that are in their actual room are fair game for anyone to play with. Do you think this is an okay idea? I hate feeling like I am being stingey or something. 

No negative comments please, I'm just worrying too much about it and would love honest feedback.

Biostep7777's picture

Could you do double bunk beds? That way they could have their own bed. I am also a firm believer that kids get to have a couple special toys of their own but everything else needs to be shared. If those are his two items? They can be put away when he's not home. I would be very clear though that it's only 1-2 items and that other toys are to share. 

Rags's picture

Bunk beds... with one bunkbed set having a trundle bed under it that can be pulled out to give each kid a dedicated bed.  Get them each a small lockable foot locker so they can put their personal belongings in them and lock it when  they are away at the other parent's home.

Your two can use one bunk bed set that is only two beds, and the one with the bunk and trundle set up can be for the SKids.

 

ndc's picture

I would not want skids and bios sharing beds.  I find it to be gross, but beyond that, I would want my kids to feel that their bed was their own.  Sharing occasionally is one thing; every week is quite another. With respect to toys, I would not only give my kids a plastic bin to put toys in, I would provide a locking bin. Not every kid will leave something alone just because it's put away and he's told it's off limits.  

Winterglow's picture

Why have you chosen to move to a place that cannot accommodate all of the children. I would HATE the idea of someone else sleeping in my bed 1/3 of the week when I wasn't there. Yuck. Honestly, sharing toys is the least of your problems...

siavregs93's picture

I think we are going to go with getting a second set of bunk beds for now until we can afford a bigger space. 
just a gentle reminder that some families don't make as much as others therefore cannot afford a larger place especially when it's an emergency situation. If I could have more than a 2 br I would. 
 

thank you for all of your feedback it is greatly appreciated! 

Rags's picture

Keep in mind that full time resident kids get priority for bed and room space. Visitors, are fit where they can.

When we moved out of our big home into a 2/2 apartment my SS, who was a full time resident in our home, had his own room that was also the guest room when we had visitors. When we had visitors he went on an Aerobed on the floor in our walk in closet.  It had air conditioning/heat so he was comfortable and had privacy, our guests had a nice room to enjoy, and we all were comfortable. When he was sleeping in our walk in closet the three of us would laugh ourselves to sleep mearly every night giving each other crap and just enjoying conversation together.

These things do not have to be high drama. It can be enjoyable and create long term family memories.