Hi, I'm new to having an account but I've been reading from the shadows for quite some time now. Just reading some of your stories here helps me to rationalize my own home life and I'd first like to say thanks for that!
My back story :
I have been with DH for almost 3 years now. We have DS1 together, and he has SS10 (BM#1) and SS7 (BM#2). Two BM's, lucky me! That being said, I think I have a great relationship with both his boys aside from the usual kid stuff. BM#1 and DH split while she was pregnant (her parents forced her to PAS, thankfully she saw how damaging that was to their son and started easing up when SS was about 2-3). BM#2 was with DH for most of SS7's life until she took him to a woman's shelter claiming abuse (entirely fabricated, she actually told him and his best friend/boss at the time that she was planning this) She is a PAS'ing, insecure, possible drug-using psycho but surprisingly she's not the topic here.
My problem is with BM#1. Now, she's a good mom and knows that DH loves their son very much and everything's all good there. My problem is that because things are so amicable, she tends to think it's okay to be early or late for drop off/pick up times because she has 2 other LO's at home and a job that keeps her busy. Which is fine by me, but the communication is so scrambled. And it's not so much a problem now, but when DS1 gets older, DH and I plan on being very active parents (we already are, we usually have a bike ride, hike, or something to get out of the house every day or so), and I really don't need her getting in a huff because we weren't there for an unknown early drop-off/pick up, or SS10 getting upset because his dad's not there when he's told he will be (again, unknown to us). I'm a pretty easy going gal, so I have no qualms about being even a half hour early/late but we're talking hours!
SS came knocking on our door at 6 this morning! He wasn't supposed to be here until noon.
DH isn't a pushover, but he also doesn't want to rock the boat which for all intents and purposes is as I said, amicable. And I'm fine with that. I'm very good at brushing this BM#1 stuff off of my shoulder (BM#2, totally different story).
But how do I let my DH know that BM#1's schedule will not be interfering with DS1's ? Nicely, of course. Thank you for any replies in advance and feel free to share your own BM stories