Hello. Many of us are just dating the fathers, and as outsiders looking in, we see the problems. Through no fault of my own, except I love her father, the daughter24-32yo of my boyfriend has talked trash about me behind my back, glares at me every time she sees me, lied, stolen all my stuff, manipulated, etc. Occasionally my boyfriend has lucid moments, ie "Her behavior is getting worse...She has always been a difficult child...(He) doesn't want to talk about her, because she is causing (HIM) problems...etc. However most of the time boyfriend maintains the following course...She is perfect. She has done nothing wrong. She is my daughter. etc.

This is profound and totally hits the nail on the head!You have managed to put into words what I have felt for so long.....and when I would try to verbalise it I just couldn't. So thank-you for this.

Its ironic you posted this today. I just got home and headed straight for the computer to post the same thing. Your words are much better than mine would have been. So Thank You!
Now Im going to my blog to record my moment so in the future I remember this day.

Old dart, I always enjoy reading your posts. Your post is sad but true. True the blood ties will always trump the second wedding ring. The daughter32 of my boyfriend will always come first, so I am glad for my separate life on the opposite side of town. Tonight my boyfriend called me to invite me to a family dinner tomorrow for lunch.

No way in hello would I doom myself to the passive aggressive attacks and my social failure by attending such a event. Her father (my boyfriend) is supportive of his (daughter's) relationship with her husband, however his daughter is not supportive of her fathers relationship with his girlfriend (me). How sad. I insisted my boyfriend attend his family event without me. He sounded kinda hurt but my feeling is in many ways the situation is what it is, because he never watched my back (ie allowed his daughter to lie about me, trash talk me behind my back, steal my belongings, manipulate all the people around her). I have some consolation in the fact she drove a wedge between her father and bio brother because she knew she would benefit and she did. She pitted her bio father against her bio mother, and helped cause the destruction of her own parents marriage because she knew she would benefit and she did. She sabotaged her own father's relationship with his girlfriend (me) because she wanted to be the only person in her father's life and she has is. Her father was and is a weak father. Weak fathers make weak boyfriends and weak husbands.

A male here. I agree with the others--nicely put. You wrote: And ask yourself this, 'why did spouse marry you?'

I wonder what you had in mind. My first reaction--because it has been a worry of mine--is that the woman I'm dating w a 5 year old daughter is with me, in large part, because she wants help parenting. Not entirely--she likes/loves me, I'm sure. Yet, this thought always crosses my mind. Why did your spouse marry you? One time, she told me she was looking for a "partner." I inquired more about the meaning of the term, and it ended up sounding like a job description for a baby-sitter.

When I married we were kids "in love". Now sometimes I feel like it was because I had a stable job, and he didn't. I still love my husband. And at one time we were in love. Now we are just like roomates who take care of our children. We don't even sleep in the same bed. Well, we never did. He worked night shift always, and I worked days. It just because routine that we don't sleep together. But I'm in a point where I think I need more. Is that common?

Old Dart.....that's messed up! I feel so sad for you. I'm guessing you do not have any bios?

INgeborg....I feel sad for you, too. Did your boyfriend really sneer and say that sh!t to you? I'd be gone if the answer to that question wasn't "no way would she ever move into my house with you here".

Damn, I thought I had it bad.

I have commented that I feel like second string several times.. When the skids want something,, everything is dropped,, im not asked,, im told.. So I completely know what your talking about.. I have gone out of my way to make sure she doesnt feel like that.. It does build resentment. I was told that one with his GF is coming in to stay from Thursday to Sunday.. Yea,, I didnt have any plans..........

You are probably correct but there are exceptions !!!!

He married me because he needed help raising 3 kids and I had a good paying job. Boy, did I make a huge mistake. I married him looking for security. This has been the worst 12yrs of my life. I worked hard raising his kids all for nothing now they are grown and they hate me and want me gone. What was I thinking?

OMG! This has to be the most depressing and frightening stuff I have read on any post here.

I have been with DH four years, and only married a year and a half. This sheat has me scared as all hell.

Ew, my God! I can not see myself at 60 looking back on my life like wth has happened. How did I get to be second string. Why did I allow myself to be treated this way and involved in these problems for so long-unhappy about it.

I'm here reading things right now because I am pissed at DH for aggravating me with his BM problems. I SHOULDN'T be here! I should be enjoying my night with him, or enjoying it alone doing whatever I friggin enjoy!!

I am screaming the f word over and over here in my head right now.

I am early on with these stupid f'ing SP issues right now, and the more I read, the closer I am to falling to the divorce side of the fence.

I don't even help my husband with his son, but I do suffer with lots of aggravation and frustration, and a seriously nasty attitude from DH when it comes to SS and BM's problems.

I don't want to look back in 20 years and ask myself why I stayed, but honestly, I don't want to let go of my husband. This really sucks!!!!!!

Am I going to be 60, and kicking myself for being involved with this man and his issues with his son and ex???????