DH keeps sending SS home in our clothes and BM NEVER sends them back
BM does almost nothing for SS. His clothes are always too small, too big, holes, etc...down to his socks. After last Spring, I realized that ALL of our clothes were gone and we were stuck with her crap so I made it a point to send him home in her clothes. Well, that became harder to do as SS would cry bc his pants were too tight, etc. (which they def. were). Now it seems even though I try to lay out BM clothes, DH keeps sending him back in our clothes. ALthough I understand its not fair to SS nor DH bc it is embarrassing sending him anywhere in her clothes, our drawer is almost empty and she will NOT return any of our things. We have a DS together and since we are already paying a million times over for SS, the least I thought was we could re-use the clothes but that doesnt seem like an option anymore. There is no use in talking to BM bc she thinks we owe her the world for brining SS into the world. Im annoyed that there isnt anything we can do. We barely have money and now on the days we have ss (which is 45% of the time), we dont evne have nice clothes for him to wear! We cant afford to keep buying clothes. I know its not fair to SS but its not fair to us either to keeping supplying her with everything when she doesnt evne buy new underwear! $650 a month should cover his BASIC needs and thats all I expct from her. CLothes that fit, shoes that are the appropriate size, socks that dont cut off circulation and haircuts. But she cant even do that! She lets the kids hair grow and grow until we eventually pay bc she thinks we dont do anything for him. Last night DH put a shirt on DS1 and I told him that was the shirt BM sent ss4 in last week! A neighbor even asked why he looks like an orphan boy when he comes here from his BM. I feel bad for ss, I really really do but I want to put my foot down to BM and let her know we are NOT going to supply her with everything then she gives our stuff away to her brother who has boys! We have DS that needs those clothes too! Any suggestions?! Im sure I am not the only one out there who goes through this. I used to keep track of what she had that was ours but DH has been doing this behind my back and I just noticed the drawer was almost empty (I keep her clothes and our clothes in different drawers) and there is no way im going to remember all the outfits that are gone now.
Either go to a thrift shop or
Either go to a thrift shop or garage sales or do the strip method.
When he comes in wearing the BM's rags, strip him down and put him in your clothes that you bought for him.
When it's time to go back to the BM's, put him back in those rags and send him back.
Lots of times BMs KNOW that they will be getting FREE clothes by sending them in rags and having biodad feel sorry for them, then sending back brand new clothes to the BMs where you'll never see them again (an old psycho BM trick called the black hole or vortex)
lol I personally like the
lol I personally like the strip method but DH doesn't bc literally the clothes usually don't fit SS at all...they fit our DS1! I do buy alot of all of hte childrens clothes from second hand shops, etc. bc we just dont have the means to dress 3 children on our income but it still hurts to see nice, name brand clothes dissappearing to BM even when we didn't pay alot of money for them. When DH was with BM, she had a DD from a previous relationship and even though she was getting $750 a month for her, she would send her in rags stating that BF did nothing for her daughter so he needed to buy clothes. So I know for fact that is what BM is doing to us. It blows my mind that these BMs dont think their child support shouldn't go to supplying clothes for their children! And at that, who wants their own children to suffer? I think its an ultimate low and very cruel. SS has been wearng the same sneakers for almost 2 years now...she bought them that big and ss told me she said "they would fit me eventually". She is just that cheap. I think for a woman who is collecting $1400 in child support and working full time can atleast afford to buy shoes that fit! I called her out once on the socks bc we would send him in socks that fit and she would send him in socks that didnt cover the heel of his foot! Soo she bought us socks for our house and her house. I told her before "If we BOTH buy things that fit and that are nice, there would not be an issue letting these items pass from house to house"...but there isn't a chance I am putting DS1 in ANY of the rags she sends here! I dont need him to look like an orphan too
Been there done that. My DH
Been there done that. My DH truly called BM once and told her "Stop sending my daughter here with clam diggers!" The BM is an idiot and couldn't make heads nor tails of what that meant. Hmmm duh doofball, her pants are above her ankles!?!?!
She FINALLY figured out that we were ripping her apart every time she sent SD to our house in rags. So she eventually stopped doing it. We always sent SD back home in the rags. I guess she gave up trying to get us to supply clothes. It was a very long battle but we did end up sticking to our guns and now she packs so much clothes for the Skid every time she comes over it looks as if she's moving in forever. I still dress SD in the clothes I buy for her because I have better taste. BM works in a high end retail store and thinks that if she pays retail for designer clothes it equals TASTE. I shop at Discount stores and SD tells me all the time that she loves the clothes I buy for her much better. Go figure...
Take pictures of SS when you
Take pictures of SS when you pick him up right where you pick him up (school? daycare?)with date and time.....Then file a motion to have the child support reduced due to the BM's lack of ability to provide clothes that fit ss...stating miss use of funds...You will need lots of pictures and proof...Eye witnesses of what he wears...Teachers and such...Dont want it to turn into I need more money on BM's part...If you and DH have ss nearly 50% of time time DH should not have to pay so much child support...A family mediator may help too...It borderlines on child abuse to dress him like this IMO....Does she dress him with a jacket when its cold? Good luck! It is sad!! my nephew goes through this with his son and BM but now the little boy is starting to say things to his BM about her sending him in ill fitting clothes when the teacher asked him about why he didnt have a jacket on...kid said it was because he was going to his dad's house and his mom wont let him wear nice clothes to dad's house!! UGHHH!! Kids know...ever when we say nothing....they know!!
One Caveat, If you live in
One Caveat, If you live in the U.S. and are in the states of MA, NY or CA don't do this method or they WILL Up the CS no matter what.
If DH doesn't want him going back in the rags she sends him in, then only send him back in thrift store clothes NOT brand name clothes
I don't know how many thousands of dollars were lost in clothing, toys and other items b/c GG refused to not send the three skids back in the too small rags that the wonderful MOTY and CPS worker by trade Behemoth sent them in.
I started buying at yard sales and thrift store from then on.
If GG was foolish enough to spend $35 on a knit toque (knit cap) for a 6 year old out of his $200 a week pay after CS is taken out, then to have said skid throw it away back at the BM's house b/c he was being taunted by his very own siblings AND THE BM for having GG's fav baseball team emblem on it, then he deserves it!!
Ive told DH to take pictures
Ive told DH to take pictures before of the shirts with profanity and the hair that never gets cut! I guess if I want anything done, I should do it myself! I am going to start taking pictures every time. We have ss almost 50% of hte time. If he was here overnight instead of just coming for dinner on one night of the week, it would be half but BM knows this so refuses to give it up. I think she had children as a means of income. It actually makes me very angry and DH thinks I should just get over it bc we cant change it. Last year, we hit an all time low and didn't even have money for food but BM said we should buy ss sneakers bc she had no money then proceeded to tell us how she went out to dinner and the movies the night before. She then went on THREE vacations that summer (one without the kids- she asked us to take him for the week, no big deal at all but must be nice to just pass ur kid off whenever u want too. How can the BD say no without being evil? I wish I had someone to take my 2 bio kids like that!!) DH and I havent been out since last July. Twice in 2 years bc we can't afford a babysitter and a date night...yet she is living up life on OUR dollar and ss gets NOTHING. Grrr to greedy baby mamas!