If he doesn't see SD a lot, I think it should be 50-50. It's the only possible middle ground there is.

This would drive me crazy!!!!!!!!He could have used at least half of his holiday for being there for you, such a jerk!!!!!!!!And YUP???? What an answer is thia?Sounds like he is an inconsiderate asshole.HUGS

Are you open to having SD there when you have the baby? If so, change the dates of her visit.

As I understand it Daddy will be in town for the birth - just won't take time off from work.

Unless someone else was going to be there I would have taken one week to be with Mom the OP here. Mom's still die during childbirth and suffer complications both physical and mental from birthing and someone should be with her for a few days at least.

Yes Mom's did deliver kids in the mud of the field and get up and continue the harvest but really do they need to be that tough in the Western World today?

Rest assured he'll pay for this for the rest of his married life and never know why.

yes, and this arrongance how knucklehead presents herself as the greatest and capable mom in the world in contrast to us looser moms nd birth whingers makes me laugh.....if you are so problem free and great in what you are doing, how come you are here??I don't mind other stepmoms who are a bit further down the line and have more experience to share their wisdom and support, this is greatly appreciated, but you are not one of them, knuckle.All we get from you is the shits and your obvious enjoyment in sharing the need to make it clear that you are soooooo much better and sooooo much tougher or sooooo much more smarter....Typical for people with low confidence, but seriously, it sucks by now.

I agree with you, these people are a little rude....ever think that they are the ones having to deal with step-moms of their own and they are taking out their "jealousy" on step moms here? Typed it in to Google and this is what popped up? I totally sympathize with your completely "human" feelings and reactions to this,but maybe I'll try some POSITIVE advice. Make sure to make a personal invitation to the SD to be there when the baby is born. Welcome her with open arms into the new life of your child. Maybe suggest to her giving the child something personal to always keep when it is born.Then after the first day and being with the family welcoming the baby you and SD have a couple days alone with the baby.

"Just trying to help"

All drama aside...
I can understand wanting Dh to be around for the first couple of weeks. Sounds like he has a reasonable amount of custody, to be able to spend some time with SD and with you and baby, and not have to spend every waking minute with SD.

Have you suggested possibly trying to move the 2 weeks with SD to a few weeks after baby is born so you and DH can get adjusted to sleeping patterns and such without having to worry about entertaining SD?

I'd be angry as hell if my man chose spending time with one of the skids, instead of being there for me while I gave birth to HIS child! I'm so sorry buzybee. Sucks. It makes me feel sad for you and your soon to be son. This is the kind of shit that makes stepmoms resentful of skids.

Bottom line. We don't give birth everyday. If the SD is invited, He should do it while explaining how important it is that he be there for the birth. It is his responsibility to show his daughter how she should be treated in the future if she so chooses to have a baby. Wanting the father at the birth of your child is not unreasonable. This womans intent was not to take time from the SD but to insure that the father didn't miss such a special moment in their lives. I'm glad to see the supportive comments. This is why we struggle, ladies. We don't support each other like we should in ALL areas of our lives.

It would seem a caring response from DH would be in order. No matter what his reasons for wanting to use his 2 weeks for when SD is visiting, he wasn't even open to your concerns. He sounds a bit cold and heartless about the situation when I think just about ANY Mom to be might prefer he appear interested to meet his new child and be a participating father just for a few days.

I am sorry BuzyB. If I were in your shoes, I would find his response hurtful.

I'm both a stepchild and a stepmother. I understand where you're coming from, since you're going to have the baby. If it were me, I'd prefer to have him spend half the time (1 week) with his daughter and half with you and the baby. However, if he only sees his daughter 2 weeks out of the entire year, I can completely understand why he wants to spend the entire vacation time he has with her. Honestly, people make mistakes, and obviously there were some in his first marriage or relationship in which he had his daughter. You have to respect that she was there first, she doesn't get to see her father often, and he really does owe her a lot. A stepchild is often emotionally distraught, I know I still am, and it requires high sensitivity to deal with the situations they're put in. Where else are they going to get the sympathy? People think it's not a big deal, but it truly is. He probably feels somewhat guilty too for simply being separated from her mother and putting her through a family life like this. You need to respect that. You knew he had a daughter before marrying him I presume and so you should have been fully aware that she holds high importance and the utmost priority in his life. She's his child for crying out loud. And I understand that your two-year old and baby are as well, but come on, they already have it better having both parents with them anyways. I know it's hard to be alone for a large part of the day while he's at work when you have the baby but understand that he can be with you and the kids for the majority of the year. Show some maturity about it by accepting that his daughter doesn't have much time with him and it's important for him to get every second in with her.

So... I must not be a big girl because DH has said he will take off a month of work (which he is able to) just to BOND with me and our new baby when we have one. I don't know, women are still vulnerable after giving birth, they are still recovering, no matter how much we want to say modern technology is improved, there is always that chance and any and all help would be greatly appreciated, if not deserved. This is not about supporting the baby more than it is about supporting his wife, and caring for her in a new and special time. By the way, my DH says your DH "Is an insensitive prick and deserves a kick in the balls. If someone had vacation time, who wouldn't want to spend at least half or most of it bonding with the new baby and not be bogged down by work?"

We spend all this time saying 'kids are first! kids are first!' yet it only applies to the stepchildren?

I think the fairest would be one week for SD and one week for your new baby, not both weeks for SD, no matter how little of a time he may see her. It might help reinforce the bond with SD a little, but I can guarantee that this may very well root it into the relationship and cause resentment and hurt his marriage which can break it down later. But you see, from your post you have her every week, so that's a pretty reasonable amount of time.

Yeesh. I don't know, but man, after reading some of these posts from women who "are big girls" out of necessity makes me damn glad my DH is the way he is so I don't have to be.

Because of this post, I apologized to him for giving him an attitude this morning because I know I have it good.

I'm sad for you as well, and I wouldn't have stayed with a man like this.

I just wanted to say, it's funny how step families have evolved during the last 40 years. Nowadays, it's ALL about the step kids & avoiding hurt feelings. When I was growing up, it was ALL about the new spouse and the new kids. If I didn't like who my parents got remarried to & had kids with, tough shit.

Good for you!!!!!!!!!!I am happy that he finally made up his mind in a fair way!!!I didn't find that funny at all what he said and I am glad he changed his mind.Horrayyyy!

Glad he changed his mind! I know how hard it is esp when dealing with dads and daughters. You are never put first. So this was a nice change!

If my partner did'nt take off some time when I was due to give birth, I would cut this balls off, this is a special time and he should be there, he could have saved a week for you and the baby, some people have been very unfair to you, my father took time off work for both of my mothers births and that was 40 yrs ago, why the hell is it unreasonable to expect some support from him, I just don't get it, If I was you I'd make him change the dates of this holiday, don't listen to this unsympathetic woman, I don't have my own children but I know that my partner would take off time for me if I was due to give birth, it would be a deal breaker for me, anyway congratulations on your impending birth, I wish you all the best