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Disneyland and the Gremlins

Hiding1897's picture

I have always supported my husband but in the last 10 days I am seriously questioning our marriage 

my husband has 2 children from a previous marriage aka Gremlins .  Over the course of the last 10 days I have gone from sad to angry to frustrated to disappointed.  I am fed up of my space been invaded my rude, ungrateful and ignorant skids.  My husband doesn't correct them explaining that temper tantrum's are ignored (in other words he tries to "make his child" happy by joking etc).  The child in question is 12 and he throws tantrums over things like not winning a game, not being the centre of the universe etc.  The language is abhorrent "F this" etc, fighting, arguing, food in the room and my husband does NOTHING 

I have spoken to him about this and I am the bad guy ...  I  should mention they were both gifted a meet and greet with animals by me WHICH never appreciated from me.  It was "expected"..  sorry for the vent - just fed up

 

 

Winterglow's picture

What does visitation look like? EOW or 50/50? What kind of feedback are you getting from the school?  What do you mean when you say that they invade your space?

Your husband is doing his kids a huge disservice by trying to be their friend when what they need is a parent.The whole point of being a parent is to raise decent human beings. Ask your husband why he doesn't love his kids enough to teach them to behave like normal kids, to help them grow up to be independent, self-sufficient decent adults. Tell him that, by trying to make them happy all the time, he's being selfish and only thinking of the pleasure that  HE gets from the situation. He's also being downright lazy. 

It's time you disengaged. No more doing anything for them. Let their father do their laundry, cook for them, clean up after them. These kids are not your responsibility so just take a few steps back. Do not buy anything for them. Who cares if they expect it? It's not because they want something that they are entitled to get it.

Hiding1897's picture

The children are with us every 8 weeks for  2 weeks and then a stretch of 8 weeks ..  When I say "invade my space " I work from home so I can hear all the shenanigans from my office.  When I tell him he shrugs it off 

Tonight he told me that I don't need to take them to the airport on Friday with him (it's about a 5 hour drive one way plus an overnight in the hotel).  I thought maybe he might have caught the clue but he confessed it was due to the expense of 2 hotel rooms!!!!

mapap's picture

I've been experiencing a similar situation! I am disengaging and finding my own home. According to my BF we need to accept the kids how they are right now, and I need to stop trying to change them. I agree that your husband is doing a huge disservice to his children, and yes it is lazy! this is all happening in my home and there is no change to this

Rags's picture

Nope.

If it is a video game, take a hammer to the game system. If it is a board game, throw it away.  

Make the consequece solve the problem permanently.

Not games in the house, no game related tantrums.

Etc......

Hiding1897's picture

That was over a bowling game ...... In public !

my husband told me it's better to ignore him ???  WTF 

I should point out on a plane he had NO ISSUES parenting and telling off 2 small children and their parents on a flight because they were "annoying him when he was tired" 

I have no words ...

Rags's picture

Tolerating this crap solves nothing and forces others to suffer. Minimize the broad suffering by focusing the suffering on the perpetrator.

When the shit is cuffed and taken to the police station in front of all of the patrons of the bowling alley, at least the situation is addressed and the patrons can get back to their game.

Winterglow's picture

Oh wow... So he's a bully who thinks the sun shines out of his kiddo's arse. Good luck with that. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Yeah, I would be questioning my marriage too. You didn't sign up for rude and entitled kids that have no discipline. None of us did. If your husband won't parent, I wouldn't want to live there either. 

Hiding1897's picture

My husband just wants to be idolized and his ego stroked ...  He is really mean to other people's children but his own can walk on water 

The 12 year old is moody, ungrateful and I am counting the hours until they leave (currently 15!!!!) 

Merry's picture

Your SS is heading into the teenage years with no manners and the notion that he is the center of the universe. How's that going to work out for him in the next few years when he'll have a boss and responsibilities? Or will he live with Daddy his whole life because he can't function in the world? At 12 he should have basic skills -- doing his own laundry, cleaning his own space and keeping common areas cleaned, dishes, basic cooking, understanding how money works. If he doesn't/can't/won't, what is your DH going to do about it?

Seriously think about what the future looks like. Are these kids being prepared to function as contributing adults, or are they crippled beyond repair? Do they have similar issues with their Mom, or at school? What do YOU need to be happy?

You have a DH problem more than a skid problem.

Hiding1897's picture

It's funny after reading the replies I think these kids have learned well from their father .. I see now that he's just as entitled as them !!!

I suppose I am in a state of shock as my son NEVER EVER behaved in this manner ...  I didn't think the moods and entitlement existed until I met them and my husband is another problem altogether 

Ispofacto's picture

I don't know the exact wording, but there's a saying along the lines of "never loan money with the expectation of getting it back".

The same goes for gifting.  Never assume the recipient will be grateful.  With that in mind, never give more than you are comfortable giving knowing the person may not appreciate it.

All else leads to resentment.

 

Hiding1897's picture

I don't know what I expected ..  I didn't think "thank you" was a lot but apparently when you live in the land of entitlement that's to be expected 

The very sad part about all this, my husband is turning into someone I don't recognize and don't particularly like