Do you FIGHT every other weekend???
I need to find out what is going on????
I've been with my Fiance for 6 yrs...We are 35 and 39 the SD is 8 - she was 2 when we got together. We got problems here. I'm going to give you the edited version.
My F is always in a touchy mood when the SD is over and it makes for fighting. He does not like how is daughter is "turning" out. I think the BM is saying things to the SD about us...My F does not communicate w/his ex. (I would love for them to discuss how to raise their child) The SD says things to me like "why doesn't he just be a dad" & "You stole my mom's boyfriend" <--my personal fave
SD calls her dad all the time to cry about how someone picked on her...We see it happen all the time on the playground
SD gives up on anything that is challenging - can not ride a bike even w/training wheels.
SD does NOT EAT...w/out begging and arguing.
SD does not play, or act like we think a child should act. At the pool today she just sat alone near the sprinkler staring at the ground. <- she's a weird kid!!! My F told me today he only loves her 87% - i never thought I would hear that from him - the kid is a wacko.
My F gets so pissed about her behavior and of course blames the BM for all of it - SD's inept social skills and lack of interest in anything childlike is getting to us. We are having terrible weekends with her. She hates everything and cries about everything.
What the hell is going on???
Is this all from the divorce???
I can't stand this kid.
I can see how she can be
I can see how she can be challenging but on the bright side you have a fiancee who doesn't have a tainted perception of his child. The situation would be sooooo much worse if you were dealing with him making excuses for her behavior because then there would be no hope of it ever changing. With time your fiancee may be able to get through to her about what you and he find unacceptable. As long as there's no chance he's going to want full custody in the near future, you may just have to accept the way things are for now. Wish I could be more help.
Kind but firm
It sounds like she is maybe indulged in this behaviour at BM's house? or maybe she is just really picky and shy and maybe a little whiny (some would say I was like this ha ha). Sheltering a child too much from the world IMO brings this out.
Maybe talk to her about how to make friends, what does she like, etc. She is just used to having her way or either she never has her way - try to draw her out as to why she acts like this and how it works for her. She is growing up and needs someone to help her, but not allow her to make excuses. Is she a good student?
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2FairySmasher
Oh my gosh girl!! You are describing my SD at 8 to a tee. Literally. She was a very difficult kid. She wouldn't ride a bike or do anything that required any kind of exercise. BM had her in soccer and she barely tried. BM had her in dance and she barely tried. She was very socially inept and had few friends. She cried at the slightest - anything!! She would only eat certain things - definitely not vegetables, and barely fruit!! SD here did all of the things you are writing about, except over here, she didn't take out any anger on her dad or me, she put it all toward her mom.
Come to find out, as I got to know DH and SD better, that BM was basically not a good mother to SD. This has come out in the recent past, and I have put a lot of it in my blogs, so I don't want to rehash it all here. But if I can offer any advice at all, I would tell you to please
1. Get this little girl into counseling
and
2. Find out if any of her behavior is from her mother and get it nipped in the bud.
SD over here is turning out - now - to be a beautiful, talented, smart girl, but she still has some very real emotional issues. She has suffered from depression and was even considering suicide in the past. She is on anti-depressants now, and came to live with DH and I in the past year. In the past year or so - due to therapy at least once a week, medication and a change of where she lives, she is just now starting to become more social and more interested in other kid things. DH and I regret so much not taking her sooner, not realizing that she would probably be so much better off if we had.
I'm concerned that your poor SD is suffering from depression. To be honest, I'm not even sure that your stepdaughter knows how to put into words what she is feeling. It took a long time for SD over here to really verbalize in a few sentences what she was feeling.
Like ChaiLatte said - you have something major on your side and that's your DH. He probably is just as frustrated and sad as my DH is / was. He tries so hard and cannot get the girl to open up, right? Stepdaughter here is a huge daddy's girl and is very attached to him. And she would call him whenever her mom would leave her alone or they'd argue. But DH didn't really think he could provide a home for his daughter alone. He felt that a little girl should be with her mom. He bought into the whole "mother" load that you hear about. It was as she got older, and he realized more and more that she flourished with him, and not BM that he was able to say - ok you are living with me. He also had the counselor back us up. So your DH may be feeling lost and confused as well. He probably wants the situation to change, but doesn't know what to do. A counselor can help you with that.
Best of luck to you. Please don't hesitate to PM me or just post again if I can be of any assistance at all.
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"If you could only see.... what love has made of me.... then I'd no longer be - in your mind, the difficult kind, Cuz Baby I've changed." *Sheryl Crow*