she will lose it!

That is weird....but thats a LONG way off and I'm sure by then she'll have pawned it or lost it! She's probably just trying to annoy you by saying that! If you think about it, its kinda funny to give your daughter a jinxed ring! Obviously the marriage didn't last!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

If it is a nice ring I doubt she will go that long without using it, and will hopefully have it re-set. Not to mention depending on why they broke up, she probably should have returned the ring to DH.

I would not spend one minute worrying about SD wearing it one day and the only thing it symbolizes is a failed relationship - not some holy relic!!

I would not even worry about wanting to know all this stuff. This is the kind of thing you do until you know everything, then you don't ever think about it again. I went through something similar and I guess it really was just competition on my part, wanting to beat her and I guess I did (to my mind, which had to go through all these same things too, years ago). It doesn't last long.

I would try to tone it down though, because if BM ever did hear about you being so interested, she would think she is just that great, all over again.!!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

I've kept my wedding band from my first marriage (I helped pay for the damn thing) but I've kept it ONLY because it's a carat marquise diamond and when my daughter turns sweet 16 I'm going to have it put into a necklace pendant for her. I haven't thought of it as being tacky or innappropriate?

Yes, that IS tacky.

The mother of the bride is to give the daughter the ring only if: she and biodad are still married OR bio dad has passed away while they were married.

NOT if bio dad is happily married.

Otherwise, the ring is cursed (metaphorically speaking) and why would she want that on her daughter? She doesn't. Troll!! (Her, not you.)

That is wrong, gross and way too rude to you.

And why does she have the ring? The classy thing to do when a relationship ends is to offer the ring to the man who bought it. And let him pawn it and use the money to pay the ridicious child support, lawyer fees and alimony.

Why is it the exs think we're at war and they have the right to spit on us when we're taking care of THEIR children while they get time off?

I have had it with this below stray dog treatment!

With the engagement broken off I am inclined to agree with Dannyelle that it should have been returned UNLESS the man broke it off in which case it is the woman's to do what she will. Read that in some etiquette book simple solution.

Doesn't matter if they were ever married or not. The ring was a part of the parent's HISTORY. I would be mad if BM still wore the ring because it no longer symbolizes what it was intended to symbolize obviously. The ring itself was a promise for the future. Well that future was over a LONG time ago and won't be back since he is now married to someone else.

Giving the ring to SD is crazy EXCEPT if she were planning to use the stone for something more. Like Kaffca my BFF who died kept her wedding rings. She too had a decent sized center stone with smaller stones on the side. She was planning to turn the smaller stones into earrings for their BD and the bigger stone into a pendant on a chain. BFF could have pawned the rings, but she felt that they would have meant more to BD and I agree. I don't just agree because they were married. I agree because it was her family's HISTORY. As much as we would rather it not all BMs are just an accidental lay. This guy was planning a future with this woman. They shared a kid. Things didn't pan out, but when SD is older those rings WILL mean something to her. Why? Because her dad bought them for her mom at a time when he DID love her. She probably endures a time and a future where DH doesn't even LIKE BM so those rings do hold a special memory whether SD was there or not.

I am not saying this to be unpopular I really can see the reasons WHY. Now I'm not saying that is BMs reasoning, I just see the other side. Place yourself in BMs shoes. You were the ex who has a daughter and the rings. What would you do? Each person is different. But just because it is not something that you would do don't let it get you all stressed out because you don't agree with it. Maybe you don't agree with it because it is BM and YOUR DH bought the rings. Chalk it up to it was before your time. You had no control over it and the rings now belong to her. Again you have no control over what she chooses to do with them. Honey SD is 5. You are stressing about something that may NEVER see fruition for a variety of reasons, but again...even if it did you can't change the outcome. You have a minimum of another 12 years to stress about crap that the BM will say and do that will make absolutely NO SENSE in a sane world. THis one just ain't worth it.

Anyone can take the easy way out and blame others. BUT it takes a a person of character to take a look at one's self and actions and own responsibility for their part. ~ ME ~ }:-P

my wife's bio Dad gave her when they married. But, the situation was a bit different. Wife's BioDad was killed in a car accident when M-I-L was 2mos pregnant with my wife.

I think that the rings are something from the Dad and not so much the BM in the case that initiated this thread. since there is no "Mom and Dad" the meaning of the ring may be important to SD when she is older.

I think Princ said everything I would say about this and Soooooo much better than I would say it.

Best regards,

It's only a ring. SD is only 5. By the time she's old enough for it to "mean anything" the ring could be LONG GONE! Or the BM could change her her mind- or hock it, for that matter, if she needs the cash

I saved my engagement ring from my first marriage, which lasted 10 years. It wasn't a good marriage by any stretch of the imagination, but it did give me my two BSs (19 and 15). I plan on giving my ring to my BS15 one day. The stone is pretty nice and he can have it reset for his future wife one day if he chooses (hey- why not save some money if he can?) I'm not being sentimental- just practical!

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

Gave BM the engagement ring she gave him for there 1st son I thought it was bullshit

question was ? how often husband talks to kids birthmother...

not at all.
He used to because she would call and say CALL ME and he was thinking it was about the kids, and she would start to complain to him or tell him what a loser he was, so he stopped calling her back.
If there is an emergency, she will say why he should call her back.

In the last 2 years, she has called many times saying CALL me on his voice mail and he has stopped returning her calls, as time goes on, she calls less and less because ALL her calls were total BS. She even called child support office and reported him
for not paying his child support,
when in fact he was.
Now, even the child support office has stopped replying to her.
Only 3 more years and
he is done with her....
She has called me on my phone several times and I filed a police report for harassment and changed my number, she has not bothered me since.

the ring would not bother me.

I am all for recycling old jewelry. If she likes it, then its all that matters as she is going to be the one wearing it.

You may want to mention to sd she can have the stone put in a new setting as she may not like the setting. You can offer to buy her a new gold setting to put the stone in....
That would tick her mom off too... lol

My mom gave me her rings after my parents split up. I never told my dad.... and I don't think she did either. But even at that I think I would rather the BM give them to a child, rather than WEAR them or something. I don't really see anything wrong with it. I think to an extent it is important for kids to know that their BIO parents did at one time care about each other enough to marry and have kids. I think it is important to a persons self esteem to KNOW that they were not the cause of a divorce, that their parents didn't hate each other and they were not an accident or something that is a regret.

I just put my moms rings in my jewlery box and rarely even think twice about them.

As for ME, I pawned my ring from my ex and went to Disneyland with FH ; ) .... not that we NEEDED the money, it just felt good to do. I did put aside my wedding album for my daughters when they grow up. They can do with it as they please. I mean, really, what else are you supposed to do with that type of stuff?

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )

My mom told me she and my dad were on the verge of splitting up when she got pregnant with me. So I was an accident. I couldn't care less! I also wouldn't care if my parents ever loved each other or if it would have been a one night stand. I really DON'T get it when people say its important for kids to know their parents loved each other at one point. Why? Especially when they're not together anymore anyway. What does it really matter? Is it important to know how your parents felt about each person they were ever with? Or just because you happen to be a product of their relationship? If the kid was a result of a one night stand does that make their parents love them any less? I should hope not. I really don't think its important or the kids would even care unless they have some hope that their parents will get back together. Maybe I'm crazy but I really don't understand it. By the way Rags, I agree! 110%!!!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"