Ex-Wife is Destroying my life, my happiness, my marriage
I have been married to my husband for almost 2 years. We are a second marriage and both have kids. The situation with my-ex is calm and we work together to effectively co-parent our child. My husband has been divorced from his ex for 5 years now and it is still a bitter battle. They have two children together and the battle is never ending. Yesterday, she went so far as to scream out obscenities in from on their two children, including a rant and rave about how he was cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend and they have pictures of his “private parts” that they can send me. This is a despicable, disgusting women that does not even have even common sense to sensor things for her 8 and 10 year old children. She has a boyfriend and has supposedly gone on with her life, yet still seems to be more consumed with our life than anything. Her children currently are refusing to go with her at exchanges, and therefore, the children are in our care for the time being. His ex has friended his ex-girlfriend whom we had to go to court to obtain a restraining order against due to her constant harassment and stalker-like behavior. Keep in mind, the ex-girlfriend was his rebound, post-divorce relationship and that relationship ended nearly 4 years ago. My husband and I have been together for the last 3 ½ years and this has been an ongoing battle.
I am so tired of these people making our life miserable and unhappy. They have put a major strain on our marriage and I have had it period. While I understand that he cannot just give up on his children, I cannot live like this any longer. The entire mood of our relationship and our lives is determined by his ex’s antics and/or lack of. We have gone to court over and over and it is a waste of time. I have lost all faith in our legal system. The judge on the case is an enabler and even despite the involvement with Child Protective Services this crazy women is allowed to keep her children and continue with her BS. Please help, I am ready to give up and crawl in a whole. My child loves my husband and our family. I shelter him from all the drama with his ex as much as I possibly can. Yesterday, she had an outburst at a custodial exchange and my son was present. He heard things come out of her mouth that no child should hear.
You said harridan, that's
You said harridan, that's awesome!!!!
Also get the RO sister-girl.
Harridan is such a great
Harridan is such a great word.
Get an RO, I did and I don't
Get an RO, I did and I don't regret one moment of it!
Look at it this way:
Are you going to let her act out, stalk, and scream obscenities in front of your kid?
Sure your skids might think it's normal because that's how their mom acts, BUT you don't need your kid's scared and thinking that behavior is normal!
I appreciate all of your
I appreciate all of your feedback! We have tried everything, exchanges in public places, and were actually exchanging with police supervision in the past. The ex behaves for a short period of time and we went back to the public parking lot. This has been a constant legal battle and no matter what, we just can't win. The judge feels sorry for this manipulative woman and thinks that my husband has "trained" his children to behave this way towards their mother. She is not held accountable for her unacceptable behavior or actions. The RO on the ex-GF has lapsed and the court will not renew as the threat is "too old" now and the judge did not see any current threat. Our system sucks! It protects people that are able to manipulate the system and not real victims.
For the record, I am not some meddling drama wife. My only part of custodial exchanges is that of chauffeur. In order for exchanges to take place as swiftly as possible, I drive, my husband alone gets out of the car and obtains his children. At no time have I ever excited the car, nor intervened in their discussions and/or disputes. The ex has begged me to get involved and each time I have calmly told her in front of everyone that i do not wish to engage in their conflict nor do I wish to intervene.
My husband has genuinely tried to co-parent with this impossible woman. We have even loaned her our extra car when she had no car. Exchanges will go back to the Police Station period. How can I make this miserable woman and the psycho ex-GF just go away?
"In order for exchanges to
"In order for exchanges to take place as swiftly as possible, I drive, my husband alone gets out of the car and obtains his children"
That's like waving a red flag at a crazed bull. These kids are not 2 and 3yrs old. Read below what Echo posted for you. You're giving this the all the power. If you had exchanges under supervision and at the police station , why in the world would DH go back to how you're now doing it.
"Her children currently are refusing to go with her at exchanges, and therefore, the children are in our care for the time being."
Has the courts/state given your DH permission to withhold the children from their mother? Kids don't have the decision making power in whether or not exchanges will be declined. So if you're driving kids to exchange and Dad is getting out of vehicle with kids to exchange...what's happening next? BM tosses scene, Dad puts kids back in his vehicle and you drive away? I really don't understand, thus the question.
While you've been in court
While you've been in court all this time, has DH approached about changes in the way communication and exchanges are currently taking place? You really can't stop a nut from being a nut, but DH certainly can change how he has to interact with the nut.
At 8 and 10yrs old there is no reason either parent must even speak to each other at exchanges. As suggested above, modify to a neutral place if one is in the vicinity if not, total curbside exchanges. The parent pulls up to curb, children get out, gather their bags (if bags are exchanged) and kids walk by selves into the opposite home (or car if neutral setting). All communication between parents can be ordered to be strictly email and some parents have taken to Our Family Wizard. If the nuts behavior is in kind of threatening manner, a restraining order could also be sought. Raging hysterical squealing woman can be legally dealt with.
You need to do some of the 'happiness' factor on your own. If you trust this man and have no reason to believe he's being unfaithful, why play into whatever crap falls out of the ex-wife or the ex-GF's mouths. you get your neutral or curbside exchanges, the communication accessibility locked in and then you ignore, ban and block any future attempts.
If BM is actually more than anything other than is PIA to the point where her mental stability and ability to care for the children, Dh can seek an psych evaluation on her (keep in mind he may have to submit to one himself)through the courts.
Yeah....what Echo said.
Yeah....what Echo said.
I DO realize that the power
I DO realize that the power is in my hands without doubt as I am by no means an weak individual. My feeling is more hopeless than anything! I do not feed into this women's pathetic pokes at my marriage and/or her attempts to defame my husband's character. I'm human and it isn't always easy to deal with when one feels like they have done everything they can... Court battles, RO, OFW, curbside exchanges, police station exchanges... It will never end with the Crazy Ex!!!
I cannot expect my husband to just abandon his children when they are crying, screaming, and refusing to go with their mother. The police were called yesterday and they both the the officer as well that they did not want to go with their mother period. This is a hard position to be put it period!
They are her children too and
They are her children too and he is NOT abandoning them.
Yes, she's a shitty mother and bitter woman BUT they are still her children.
Your H can document the police reports and their requests to the police officers, but he still must comply with the CO. Once he's got enough documentation showing her actions, their requests and his COMPLIANCE with the CO, then the two of you can discuss custody arrangements and decide with an attorney if you want to proceed against her.
As the others said, stop going to exchanges and have them happen at a police station instead. My advice to both you and your H is "Don't engage the crazy."
And stop making excuses about your marriage. Either you have a strong relationship or you don't.
We did not get an RO but what
We did not get an RO but what we DID do (or my DH, to be exact) was get a No Contact Order added to the CO. The judge also ordered that the skids were exchanged through a 3rd party neutral facility. It was the same place they do the supervised visitations and they also did exchanges for high conflict situations. That way, we went years with only ever seeing BM in court. }:) The judge ordered the cost split in two. In our case, it was like $15 a month. Best $15 ever spent, IMO.
I understand that everyone
I understand that everyone has a different view on this tough subject... The fact is that laws are different in each state and/or county. While technically my husband's children are not old enough to refuse to go with another parent. In the state of California law enforcement will not force a child to go with a parent in which they refuse as was in this case. My husband's is a good man, a good father and did everything that he possibly could to get them to go with their mother. They told her in front of law enforcement that she is a drunk and treats them poorly, that they do not want to live with her period. It was hard to swallow and there is only so much we can do.
Me being present at exchanges is not the problem, however I will no longer be present just to prove my point. Crazy will do what Crazy does! CPS has been called by the kids school on their mother twice within the last 7 months. They are worthless! This woman will really have to hurt her children or completely lose it in order for these kids to be removed. Our system sucks, period! Anything and everything that could possibly go wrong, has gone wrong in this case. You know the case that everyone says, "that will never happen," well it's happen!
No you are NOT the problem.
No you are NOT the problem. The problem is your DH procreated with a nutter. Nobody is saying that YOU are the problem. But in defense of your own sanity, your own peace of mind and, for heavens sake, your own CHILD...DON'T GO. There is no reason for you to go. A nutter BM seeing her ex and children with another woman is just going to make the crazy worse.
You did not stick your dick in crazy. Multiple times.
Evaluate if the good you get
Evaluate if the good you get from the relationship outweighs the crazy and the unhealthy drama of all this. If you don't have kids together you can leave and it sounds like this is a nightmare that won't be improving anytime soon.