How to not resent my 2 year old step-daughter
I have a 4 year old daughter and a wonderful boyfriend. He is amazing to my daughter. The problem comes from his 2 year old daughter he has. He has her every tuesday and wednesday and every other weekend. We recently moved in together and I thought i came to terms with him having a daughter..however, the days he has her are way to much for me. I am responsible when he goes to work to watch her..from tuesday morning at 10 am untill wednesday at 8 pm (that is if her biological mom is home so we can drop her off...) My Step daughters mother called last week and asked if he could watch her for the whole week straight because she was moving...he said yes, and I went out of my mind. I have tried to speak with him about her and how she is. I understand 2 year olds and how they are, but the family thinks this child poops golden eggs...and she knows it. My daughter and her fight constantly and the Step daughter is always hitting and screaming.....Its too much for me.....I am a full time student. I have recently tried to make myself "un available for every tuesday..but its getting near impossible. The 2 year old doesnt sleep through the night EVER..she wakes up 4 -6 times through the night screaming........ 
I also dont really have anybody...except him. It was always me and my daughter ....no other relatives or grandmothers. i tell my bf that he is all she has too, and he says he knows but everytime his daughter is here, its like mine doesnt exist....or is always in the wrong....When ever we have dinners at his parents its always " oh "step daughters name" did this and it was so fuuny! " or "we saw "step daughter name" at the mall with her mom and she did this and said this and blah blah barf.....it drives me nutty... i want to get out of this relationship but i know if i do , it wall cause alot of stress between me and him...i dont see a future because i cant stand his daughter......he knows and thinks i am trying..but i really stopped trying because i cant pretend anymore...... i am just rambling now..but it really does bother me. I HATE every tuesday and wednesday....!!! I can handle every other wekkend but its wayyyyy too much! any one else going through this?
In case your wondering why
In case your wondering why she wakes up screaming its because she is not sleeping in our bed...My daughter is also not sleeping in our bed. They both have identicle beds and in the same room,, but she has no problem screaming (not crying) and having a temper tantrum at any hour untill my bf has to go and sleep with her downstairs in the guest room because my daughter wakes up and gets scared from her tantrums.
The mom is only doing what
The mom is only doing what lots of NCP parents WISH the CP would do - giving the other parent ROFR and asking them if they'd like extra time with their child. Don't slam them for doing what they SHOULD do in trying to co-parent.
It's hard for me to imagine resenting a two year old. I can't wrap my brain around it. And because I can't understand it or relate to it, I won't comment on that issue. It sounds like you've already left this relationship. You're pretending to "like" his two year old daughter. Why? To prolong the inevitable? If your gut is telling you to leave the relationship, then you should leave it. Give yourself a chance to find someone better suited to you and your expectations for life. And give this man a chance to find someone who's better suited to his life situation and needs as an NCP of a very, very young child.
JMHO.
It isn't the 2 yr old you
It isn't the 2 yr old you resent. It is the 2 yr olds 'wonderful' father.
He allows this behaviour. He expects you to take over and parent his child in his absence.
So instead of blaming a 2 yr old who is simply behaving the way she wants to without any parental involvement how about blamng the father who is using you as his inhome unpaid babysitter.
He should NOT be agreeing to have his daughter when he isn't there without asking you first.
If there was an accident you do not have the legal right to approve any medical treatment. If she had a cold you can't even take her to the Dr.
It also disrespects your schooling and the importance of having the time and space to study.
So it really isn't a mindless 2 yr old. It is her father who is dropping the parenting ball in your lap.
I would recommend you and
I would recommend you and your bf discuss parenting styles, and expectations of children in your home.
DH HATED kids sleeping in bed- my ODD slept with me (she was 7) I broke her from sleeping with me before we married. HOWEVER, our DD slept with us. HE hated every minute of it, but my daughter did not sleep all night until she was in kindergarten. She was up every two hours from the time she was born until 2-3 years old, and then 2-3 time a night from 3-5. Out of my salvation and self preservation she slept with us. Sometimes, them crying themselves back to sleep isn't he best thing.
DH had to adjust to acceptable- We never crossed lines though- it was our joint daughter only- his children didn't come into our bed and neither did my ODD.
We spent hours and hours talking about parenting, talking about expectations, talking about what ifs, what we valued and what we wanted for our kids.
As for his family- the sun will always set on her and that is something that you just accept and go on. My inlaws show extreme favoritism to my skids- and treated my ODD differently - left her out- and treated our daughter together the same way. That is their loss and I am careful about the situations that I put my daughter into.
Why do you have to watch her?
Why do you have to watch her? SO and BM can put her in daycare. That's where she would be if you weren't in the picture. You don't have to be her babysitter.