It takes awhile for SM to realize that her DH is part of the problem. That "window of inopportunity" is when most SMs make the poor decision to breed with their DH.

I remember when I was drinking the loon's kool-aid ( the first year of my marriage) that BM knew how to push the Loon's buttons. I thought this until he threatened to punch her for being 5 minutes early to pick up the kids, with his fist balled up and his arm drawn back. Then I thought oh, but he will never do that to me... he did. Now my precious child is saddled with a complete a$$hole for a father. Someone who will never be normal.

It's like the mistress who thinks her lover will never do to her what he did to his wife because she is so much better then the wife.

It took me 1 year to realize that my DH is a pretty sucky parent and that if we had children it would never work out between us and we would end up divorced, so we do not have children together. I am not that dumb.

Now for those that have kids and their DH is already a great parent- good for them.

When my BS was in elementary school, the head of the PTO was a mother who had been part of the school landscape for over 20 years. First batch of kids aged out into middle school and she divorced. Next crop of kids including stepkids arrived and within 7 years, she moved into another relationship. Last I saw, her youngest BD was starting kindergarten. She was danged good at car pools, birthday parties, soccer games, Scouting and parent/teacher conferences.

I always wondered if subconsciously that mother simply enjoyed the younger kids and her role in their lives. I'm not expressing that correctly, but it seemed as if she was getting a payoff that had nothing to do with the actual children.

"Someone, please splain me this?"

You can't explain something that doesn’t make sense

I agree...and I couldn't be MORE thankful that I encouraged DH to get fixed while we were dating!!!

mmm- not sure that children with a responsible parent at home are better off.... says who? Where is the research on this?

I think either can work. Really it is all about time, attention, education and application. I actually think children of educated working parents seem to grow up very bright, very motivated and very committed to achieving. They have that as a role model after all.

http://www.smh.com.au/business/workplace-relations/children-of-working-m...

Anyway- off topic! I don't undersatnd why anyone would breed with another who wasn't supportive, caring and an asset to the gene pool. I would have rather have gone with a donor if I hadn't found a suitable partner!

Here's where I disagree with the everyone is responsible for their own BC theory. That's fine with casual dating - but I didn't sleep around casually before or after marriage.

If I was in a committed monogamous relationship (or even married) and knew that I was using a 99.99999% effective BC religiously - I would NEVER believe a man who wanted to start using condoms to make sure he "didn't get me pregnant".

To me an insistence on using condoms would mean one of the following:

He didn't trust me and thought I was a lying bitch who wanted to trap him with a child. If he thinks I'm a liar I don't want to be with him.

He was whoring around and wanted not to infect me with an STD (I might thank him for not infecting me if I wasn't so mad about being cheated on).

Mustang - I have to correct you on something you posted.

"It used to be normal and OK for mothers to stay home with the children."......

yes very true back in the 50's, 60's, 70's when young women didn't have the opportunities to do any better for themselves and they were reliant on men."

As someone who grew up in the 50s and 60s - the real problem was the most women MADE THE CHOICE not to better for themselves and to rely on men. I chose not to follow that path and by the late 60s was managing a MAJOR revolutionary telecommunications project in Europe. My eye doctor and gyno were women - and I picked them because they were the best not because they were women. The most prominent family lawyer in town was a woman who made mincemeat out of cheating spouses.

I wish I had a nickel for every woman I knew in the 60s who said "Oh I don't want that promotion or job - I'm just going to work a couple of years." Women who wanted to achieve something almost always found a way to do it. It wasn't that there weren't opportunities it was the societal pressure not to avail oneself of those opportunities.

I grew up in total Appalachian level poverty where almost no one even finished high school - so it's not like I was handed opportunities on a platter. But I did EARN a scholarship to an extremely prominent women's college where it was instilled in me that I could do anything.

It's a pet peeve of mine when I hear people say that women had no opportunities in the 60s and 70s. I'll agree that things were different prior to that - or at least I think they were - I didn't live thru those times.

My college classmates went on to achieve tremendous success - professor at Stanford, head of American Bar Association, prominent doctors and lawyers, president of a division of a major computer manufacturer, oil industry executive. And all of these women started their careers in the mid 60s.