Introduction and new baby!
Hi everyone! I'm new to this stepmom group. I've read lots of books on stepparenting - the smart stepmom, the smart stepfamily, blending by the book (bible)...but have some questions that don't seem to be answered. Quick summary - I'm 28 and married to have been married to my wonderful husband for 1 year and we are expecting a baby in August. I am full time step mom to his two twin sons and adopted 10 year old daughter. His ex is in the army and just got married.
My question is - when the baby is old enough, how do you introduce them to the ex's family? What do they call the ex and her family? The relationship with the ex isn't so great, and I don't necessarily want my child calling her parents papa and and hearing my stepkids call her mommy and the new baby saying it too. I didn't think about how confusing this might be for a baby to come into a home that has step-siblings with two mom's and different family. Any thoughts?
I want to be civil and nice,
I want to be civil and nice, letting her parents see the baby when they come visit THEIR grandchildren, but like you said - they aren't family to the new baby. If the ex has her own children with her new husband, I would in no way want their baby calling me or my husband anything or my family anything!
No way would I let any of my
No way would I let any of my dh's ex and family near my kid! NO WAY! Your baby is nothing to her. Period! Keep your child away.
Why does your child need to
Why does your child need to meet and be around them? That's strange to me...My DS has no clue who my SD's family is...It'll stay that way...
My biodaughter has two
My biodaughter has two grandmothers on her dad's side and a grandfather. When I had my second youngest daughter, my daughter's grandfather and his wife (grandma 1) accepted her with open arms, and I teach her to call them grandma and grandpa. They are accepting of my marriage, and have always supported me and their granddaughter. Their love for my BD allows them to love her new siblings and support me in my new marriage. THey came to the wedding.
My BD tolerates my husband and I at family events, and is kind to the new children, and he knows that biodaughter would never stand for mistreatment of her little sister.
My BD's biomom is a mixed bag. She barely acts maternal toward my first daughter, her biogranddaughter, so I don't expect her to be motherly toward a child without her blood.
I wouldn't go out of my way to introduce her to ex's family, unless you are really close. Just wait until a family event comes up and do it then.
I know what you mean
I know what you mean kristiew. My DH has 2 sons to different mothers. He also raised his ex DD from the age of 2. She is now 19 and keeps asking me when we are going to make her a brother or sister. The thing is that any children we have will not be her brother or sister.... no blood relative....... and I dont want them to call her their sister........
When DH's SD (or ex SD as it may be) tells me she wants a borther or sister I tell her to go and talk to her Mother!! Lol!
I don't think that a formal
I don't think that a formal introduction is necessary, but I do think that your child will be interested in some point about her brother and sister's other parents. My biokids want to walk my SD out to her BM during exchange. They are naturally curious. And SD wants to say goodnight to my Ex husband when he calls to say goodnight to our kids because she wants to be like the others. Luckily, my Ex husband is really understanding and doesn't mind, but I have to watch it around SD's BM. I never know what she's going to do.
So, you may want to discuss with DH, and later on with BM, how this will be handled.
there will be no introduction
there will be no introduction or anything like that - it will be my goal to keep the families seperate. What I'm not sure about is like what mom of six said - the kids talk to their biomom on the phone some mornings before school, I'm sure our child is going to be curious and want to talk to. Our child will hear their siblings talk with their papa - biomoms dad, on the phone and spend some weekends with him but our child will not be. I guess it just takes explanation as our own child grows and explaining to the stepchildren that the new child doesn't share that family and he doesn't need to talk to their mommy or spend time with their Papa. We have already decided that our baby will call their mom Mrs. "last name" and her dad, the kids papa Mr. "last name". So yes, roles and families are separated but just curious about his curiosity as he grows!