It's US against THEM
I'm so happy there's a site like this one. A site that doesn't dismiss my feelings or tell me what a horrible person I am for not liking my steps. As time goes on, it only gets worse and I dread more and more of my life. I feel as though I'm being punished. I can honestly say that if I knew then what I know now - I would NEVER in a million years marry my husband. He is a wonderful man but we are living on different planets where our children are concerned. We are now to the point that I truly feel we are two opposing teams. This is the overriding feeling in my home. When his children are here - which seems like SO DANG OFTEN - I have learned to mostly disengage and he has learned to compensate EVEN MORE so his "poor" kids aren't unhappy. I resent my husband so much now that I can barely hide it anymore. Is it jealously of those brats? Probably and about a million other things. I have my own young son to worry about and he's now old enough to see the disparity in treatment. My son is sensitive and not your typical rough and tumble boy but regardless he is a good kid. Well behaved and not picky. Not a total brat essentially. I think my husband resents that! He "teases" my son to the point of it being ridiculous at times. I assume that a lot of these new behaviors regarding my son are his passive aggressive way of punishing me for not wanting anything to do with his kids. My son has started asking why he teases him and not them so it's pretty obvious. I do not tease his children nor do I call them names or anything remotely like that. My crime is not saying anything at all unless absolutely necessary. Since my husband is incapable of disciplining at all - that's when I have to speak up. It is horrible. Every Wednesday and every other weekend is HELL. I hate being in my own home and I can barely stand to look at my husband. My son suffers because of my mood and because if he is spending time with me then they are right there making sure they're getting equal time with their dad and since I don't even want to be near them...I can't be near my kid either. We don't do any activities or even vacation because then we ALL have to go...not a chance. I've had enough of them to last a lifetime already. Sadly, if I never had to see them again (not that I would EVER wish anything bad on them by any means) I would be beyond THRILLED! I fantasize on a daily basis of what life would be like with just my son and I or even worse lately with my son and his father (my ex) and I. His dad and I were together a very long time and we still have a good relationship. I know the "grass is always greener" and all that but it hasn't stopped my fantasizing about a life without steps. Don't get me wrong - I do love my husband and he truly is a great man but this is becoming bigger than my love for him. My friend summed it up when she asked me if I were to win a million dollars tomorrow would I stay or go? I think anyone reading this could deduct the answer for that. Now I'm just sad and confused and still feel like a totally horrible evil person. I don't even know what to do. 
Thanks if you managed to suffer through this long post.
"if I were to win a million
"if I were to win a million dollars tomorrow would I stay or go?"
DAMN STRAIGHT most of us on here would be gone so fast it would make biodad's head spin!!!
Most of us put up with
Most of us put up with difficult step situations because we love our men. However, it does not sound in your case that this is a factor strong enough to override your frustrations with the other issues.
I would get out - the way you write about your situation it sounds as if you have almost made this decision already, and are seeking validation - well - you have it. I expect other posters will say the same thing.
Be careful about thinking of taking up with your ex again. I am also on good terms with my ex and he has said if it gets unbearable at my house he will take me in (he has remained single since our divorce). However, there were good reasons why we split, despite being together 24 years, and if you do get together again with the ex, have some time alone first to consider it.
dear, it sounds like you are
dear, it sounds like you are veeery tired. here is my advice:
1 do counseling with your husband, give it a chance for your family. your son had to go thru a divorce already, think about it.
then, if after you do at least 5 sessions with a couple counselor, things do not improve it is time to go.
give your partner some credit, trust the love that you feel for him and that he feels for you. if you think that is strong ,follow this advice, breathe deep, do the work and take care of your son first, your marriage second, and have your hubby take care of SK exclusively
and for the love of God dont go back to ex!!!!! take a long time alone with your son to think first
i hope i helped
I am almost in tears reading
I am almost in tears reading what you're going through. Your situation is exactly what I am working hard to avoid in my life. My son is a lot like yours.... But I do not plan on marrying my bf anytime soon, probably not until the kids are gone. My bf feels sorry for his kids and over compensates when he has them. I asked him one time, "why do you feel sorry for kids who are made #1 when they are with their mom, and then #1 when they are with you?" My kids only have me, their dad barely sees them and does not support them financially. But he feels sorry for his kids because they have to live with a woman that he can't stand. Duh. The problem is that a part time dad does not parent the same that a full time dad does. My bf's kids aren't even bad kids, it's how he acts and treats them vs us that I can't stand. If I were you, I would do my best to keep you and your son occupied during his kids' visits. Maybe if you cut the time in half it would be tolerable. If your husband is teasing your son even when his kids aren't around, I would simply put a stop to it. If he doesn't care enough to understand why and doesn't listen to your request, then you know where you stand with him.