leave or friends?
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I've read alot on here lately as i am new i am trying to gain as much info as possible and it seems to be a common concensus that you should not try and even start a step family if the break up with the BM and BD wasn't any good, and thats the situation i am in at the moment, they still fight all of the time, he makes her cry everytime they talk on the phone, should i advise her to move on and forget about himm? or tell her to make friends with him? or something totally different?
Are there any nice bio dads
Are there any nice bio dads out there, like what are the chances of this staying around and not being a major asshole me and the BM
My kids' BF and I get along
My kids' BF and I get along very well. We work together to make sure the kids get as much time as they need with us. We lived together as roommates while raising our kids long after our relationship ended so we had plenty of time to practice this before our divorce.
he doesnt have any other
he doesnt have any other children, apparently he is with another girl at the moment, and still just does his usual partying and drinking and drugs as he has done. I dont really want my name on the birth certificate anyway, even if he is a bad dad and things of that nature i dont think i could take that "title" away from anyone.
and its 4:55pm so its in the arvo
You can tell her whatever you
You can tell her whatever you want but unfortunately you can't make her do it, she has to do it on her own. I went through thhis same thing with H and BM in the beginning. It took him almost a year to put his foot down and stop playing into her games. Your W/GF(?) has to want to stop playing the game. It is my opinion that if they continue to play this way with each other then there are unresolved feelings between them. It is not fair of people to get into new relationships if they are still emotionally invested in an old one.
I finally told H (before we were married) I was through, if I couldn't have all of him then I didn't want any of him because I desrved to be with someone who gives as much of themselves to me as I do to him. I even made a date with a nice guy. I told H that I was done waiting for him to figure out what he wanted. He got his shit together real quick then. He swore he was done jumping through hoops for BM and would never again pput her happiness ahead of mine. I was very leary but I still loved him very much despite it all and gave him one last chance. We have had a few bumps but all in all I'd say we are a wonderful work in progress.
she is GF not W, it doesnt
she is GF not W, it doesnt seem like either of them have feelings for each other but that just be me being optermistic, the last 4-5 times they have spoken it has resulted in him calling her names id rather not repeat on her and her caling me crying saying how bad of a person she is, she has said to me that when the baby comes along and i finish my degree she wants to move at l;east 4 hour away from the town we are in now, so maybe that is the answer
I didn't mean they
I didn't mean they necessarily have romantic feelings for each other but if he can make her cry then she obviously holds some value in his opinions. She is emotionally invested in his oppinion of her...her self worth (thinking she is a bad person just cuz BF says she is) should have nothing to do with this guy's opinion of her. She should value the opinions of the people in her life that actually matter...yours, close family/friends, AND HERS. Until she quits caring what BF thinks of her you will always be picking up the pieces when he tears her down.
BM would tell H what a bad father he was for leaving and he would believe it. He was a good dad and he didn't leave the kid he left BM. He made every effort and jumped through every one of BM's hoops to continue being a dad. It wasn't until he was able to stop caring what she thought of him that he was able to see all this for himself. BM lives over 2 hours away from H. Distance wasn't the cure, she would call and text him all day everyday. He had to stop caring about her opinions and it was up to him to do that, I couldn't do it for him. Ask her to prioritize her life and the people in it. If BF is at the bottom of the list or not even on it then ask her why she cares so much about what he thinks if he is ranked so low in her life. If he's near the top...well, that's a whole other problem but I really doubt that's the case.
WOW finey that was some of
WOW finey that was some of the best advice i have gotten of any one ever regarding this situation thank you so much really