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honeycombs's picture

Submitted by honeycombs on Thu, 12/08/2011 - 5:53pm

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Blended Family Issues

So my dh works everyday so I am home with the kids most of the day . But for some reason I have absolutely no say on how I want my house to be ran . My ss12 refuses to call me or let me know what he is doing after school . He turns this little issue in to a huge problem to the point where my husband and I can't even get on the topic of ss12 with out my dh going on about how I am so hard on him and what not . Do I just wash my hands clean of ss12 and what he does and let my dh take care of absolutely everything that has to do with him because I am just so tired of arguing about the same crap over and over and over again and getting absolutely no wheres . The only person in my opinion that is winning in this situation is ss . He just looks at me and grins when his father gets upset with me What do I do ?????

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Thu, 12/08/2011 - 6:30pm

Your DH cannot have it all his way, he cannot expect you to be responsible for ss12 without actually having that power to BE responsible for him. To completely undermine and disrespect you in front of his son too? No way, not on. Going round in circles in the epitompy of insanity too - you arent getting anywhere except Exhaustiville so jump off.

Your DH has made his decision regarding how he wants you to be - however you are an adult, you are his wife and can make the choice whether you accept this or not. It seems you are not on board, however your actions are enabling DH to continue with his line of thought. So something needs to change then, thats the only way things will be different. DH isnt going to change, neither is ss, so that leaves you.

Personally I would disengage. I would refuse to be responsible for ss12 or DO anything for him either. If you arent good enough to properly parent ss i.e. know where he is, expect respect, discipline him...then you arent good enough to be the maid either i.e. cook/clean/wipe his arse/do nice things for and with ss. Hell isnt that what DH is telling you anyway? "You are too hard on ss...you shouldnt say x to him..."

My response would be "ok hunny, if thats what you think. I dont agree, so I think its best all round if I opt out completely with everything to do with ss. My decision is different to yours, however just as relevant..."

Then leave it at that. Dont discuss this with DH either or rise to any baiting of you. Let him think what he wants. DH already has concluded you are too harsh on ss, should leave him be and whatever else he says to you. So nothing new then.

Until your DH is open to expecting you to be treated correctly - like a stepparent instead of his house whore, then he can manage by himself because YOU respect yourself more than allowing him to continue.