Mixing newborn with autistic step-son. How!? Help.
Sooo my partner has finally come on board four days before my due date, with moving from hard toys to soft toys for his son (autistic 6.5 y/o non-verbal who throws toys everywhere at no notice), so this is good, better late than never.
Am I unreasonable for being annoyed with partner re below?....
As partner was pulling out the soft toys for him from the cupboard last night, there was a bag with baby clothes and presents from my baby shower that had a football team teddy bear in it that says my first teddy, and his son saw it and wanted it. He put it away and said it's for the baby but his son kept bringing us to the room asking for it. Instead of saying no it's not for you as he has a million other toys, he gave it to him. Then in the morning his son and daugher wanted it out again and my partner said to ask me if you can play with it, so I'm the mean one for saying come on it's the baby's first toy play with your million other toys, so I said your kids your call but he has many other toys and that was for the baby, his reply baby not gonna know the difference. His son throws the toys in water, dirt and rips them up mind you in the backyard and is a wrecking machine to be completely honest. As the day goes on my partner says he loves that toy and won't give it up now so he'll just replace it. But he won't replace it is my feeling. He already jumped online last night to buy the kids both one of the same ones but said oh they're too expensive I'll get my two kids the cheaper one which he has ordered that are crap. Just waiting for him to give me one of them for our baby and say here you go I've replaced it. It just triggered me, like here is the start of his son hijacking all of our baby's toys and she's not even born yet. Is it unreasonable to teach him that not all toys in the house are his, and that he doesn't have rights to everything? He does know sometimes which are his toys and which aren't because he doesn't go to his sister's toys. Of course I jump online and the teddies are out of stock because this team won the flag last year so good luck finding stock any time soon. A side note I've been at my partner to hide or keep out of reach any birthday or xmas presents for kids we are accruing in the garage, but I'm being over the top, until his son rips things open and breaks things which happened with two christmas presents, which then it's a good idea to hide things. I'm the mean one for preempting recurring behaviours, and have to wait until something is broken before my idea is considered. His son is lovely but has zero concept of it being out of bounds, breakable, heavy, not to be thrown in water if battery operated toy, consequence of breaking something etc. so why not have some common sense and hide or secure things away beforehand instead of waiting for the inevitable and acting surprised when he does find and destroy something. I'm hormonal yes, but very pissed off regardless. Am I being unreasonable?
Your SO had absolutely no
Your SO had absolutely no business giving a gift for the baby to his son. It doesn't matter that he is autistic, the gift was for the baby. Autism doesn't man he can't understand but your SO needs to grow a pair and be a real parent and not just someone who placates his son.
Take the teddy and put it somewhere that they can't reach and that your SO doesn't know. Set your SO straight about his kids and priorities. This was a learning moment and he entirely flunked. Time for him to learn how to be a parent even if that means parenting lessons together. Being a parent doesn't mean giving the kids everything they want.
This will feel like less of a
This will feel like less of a big deal after your baby is born and a bit bigger but I felt exactly the same way when this kind of crap got pulled.
Stand your ground, stand up for your baby....because it's your job and no one else will under these bizarre circumstances, especially with all these blobfish husbands floating around trying to make up for divorce guilt by spoiling their first born/s. (I am venting also...)
Make sure your baby gets what YOU know it's entitled too.
Your SO
Is worst then his autistic son. You have a real problem. This autistic kid is going to destroyed your and your baby life. You are never going to go away just the baby and the two of you. You are not going to keep his son from destroying baby's toys.
Time for exit plans
Nope I would be livid if DH
Nope I would be livid if DH did this. Hide the teddy from them and keep it safe for your baby. This could of been avoided if your DH was firm and said no to SS and putting the bear out of sight and away for bubs.. instead of being weak and allowing him to have it and then throwing you under the bus by being the mean one saying no. Save the poor teddy! Stuff what your DH says he stuffed up big time.
My DH is a massive footy fan and bought SS a Teddy with his favourite team and when our DD was born bought her one too (a premiership one as they won the flag that year). SD barracks for BMs team so she has hers at BMs house. I keep DD's footy teddy on her dresser and SS10 has his still on his bed haha. If your DH is adamant SS needs to have this teddy then he can replace it with a cheaper one to give to SS.
Red Flag
I would worry that your partner (husband?) will always have an excuse to put his son ahead of your shared child. For me, this would be a big fat no go.