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mom's of Skids and Bio kids

momof4plus2's picture

Submitted by momof4plus2 on Thu, 01/29/2015 - 1:26pm

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Blended Family Issues

Do your kids ever notice a difference in treatment. or like expectations? I Have much higher expectations for my kids in school and they constantly say well SS has like 3 d's or SS doesn't have to read 30 min every night. And I say well im not his mother and I care about your education. Then I get like reprimanded, how rude of me to say blah blah. but its true. SO always says well your kids are smart... ok so your kid is dumb and therefore doesn't have to try? hmm ok.

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Thu, 01/29/2015 - 1:30pm

This made me laugh. Anytime SO see's a dirty kid or a kid being a jerk, he will say "See, my kids aren't that bad or All kids are like that"

Yeah, No....

WifeVersion2.0's picture

Submitted by WifeVersion2.0 on Thu, 01/29/2015 - 1:47pm

This happens at our house very often! I have 2 and DH has 2. We have very different parenting styles and priorities (which is why I decided we would never have one together).

I simply tell my boys that my job is to make sure they grow up to be responsible, independent, productive adults. It hasn't always been easy and when my SD moved in with is it was easier to get her on board with my rules/expectations. So now it's really just my SS that has different (lower) expectations.

My boys know that the way I'm raising them is the best for them and I'm a blessed mom to have two respectful kids that don't give me much fuss about life being "unfair".

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Thu, 01/29/2015 - 1:59pm

Not really, but there's a big age gap between my steps and our bios, and DH is father to all of them.

I will say that there IS, perhaps, a difference in expectations, but it's more because I am the mother to my kids and BM is the mother to hers, if that makes sense. For example, SD18 just had a baby (she's a senior in high school). BM was thrilled. *eye roll* DH's and my BS5 recently asked about the timing of when you have babies, and DH and I BOTH said "first high school, then college, then marriage, THEN babies." (BM also has no particular expectation of college from her girls.) So honestly, it's more that DH and BM have different expectations of the girls and they are sadly living up to their mom's instead of their dad's. DH and I are on the same page though.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Fri, 01/30/2015 - 12:27am

Oh yeah. My kids noticed the difference all the time. EVERY little thing OH had zero expectations, manners didn't exist, work ethic - nah, consequences (good or bad) only GOOD ones - and they were just for existing and bestowing us with their blessed presence, bedtimes? Don't be ridiculous, electronics? no rules, no safety, no checking up on them, hell yes play them all night go right on ahead! homework? Study? Reading? commitment to anything? Eating healthy? Nah - none of that shit is important, the ONLY thing that matters is that they have fun and are allowed to "develop their personalities" (apparently setting boundaries is stifling their personalities)

My kids, I parent them, and when they have questioned the differences I tell them "I am YOUR mother, and it is my job to raise you to be happy, healthy, independent and capable adults. That is what I am doing. There is a reason for every decision I make, and I set boundaries, make you eat vegies, etc etc because I love you and want the best for you. SS and SD have their own two parents and it is up to them what boundaries/rules etc they set for them."

ETA - and yes, I have said all of that in front of OH and the skids, and even my "dumbarse" skids understood that they were getting the raw deal there Wink