I had a situation like this the other day...I picked up my BD7 and gave her a hug. I do this occasionally, she wraps her arms and legs around me and gives a big squeeze...it was in the morning, before she got dressed for school, in our kitchen. A private moment at home. DH was there and made some comment about how she's "not a baby". Understand, my SD11 (who is not here this week) was babied to a nearly crippling point--DH carried her down the stairs nearly every morning until she was almost 8, insisted I do her laundry, make her bfast, and pack her lunches, fix her plate, clear her spot, rinse her dishes--you get the picture--well beyond what I would have done for my own child (I've since stopped doing things for her that I wouldn't do for my own child at that same age)...he has often made comments about how my BD should this or can that when I have chosen to cater to her or baby her...my BD gets her own breakfast, clears and rinses her own dishes, does her own laundry, etc, but she's still my baby and sometimes I wanna baby her...anyway, back to his stupid comment...my BD caught it also and was gonna say something, but I spoke up before she could get her mouth open and said "You CARRIED SD11 down the stairs nearly every morning until she was almost 8!" He comes back with "Are you always gonna use the age comparison, so when Your BD is 11 you'll still be saying that?" And I said "No, because now you treat her in an age appropriate fashion." He stopped, but I was fuming...I hoped it would leave with him when he left for work, but it didn't. I read him the riot act (every hill is my hill to die on--StepLand has not been a happy place for me) and told him to quit fucking picking on my BD about stuff like that, since he and every other adult in SD's life (myself included at one point, because I was trying to please him) treated SD in an age inappropriate fashion because they thought she wasn't capable (one can only guess), he had no room to talk when I occasionally do silly little things for or with my daughter. I told him he had to apologize to my BD for the comment, which he did, and to me as well. He's always been so quick to criticize how I treat my BD or when I cater to her, the whole time ignoring the fact that all the adults in my SD's life were waiting on her hand and foot from birth to 8. Thank GOD she didn't turn out to be a brat from it.

My kids notice and will come to me about the differences. I tell them that I won't tolerate the inconsiderate, rude, and disrespectful behavior from them that their step-dad allows his kids to show.

My kids are 13 and 10; and his kids are 8 and 11. My kids are expected to not whine, fuss and do age appropriate things. His girls can do anything they want, to include his oldest whining and crying all the time, when she feels she isn't getting her way from EVERYONE in the house.

So I told DH to stay married, he needed to do everything for his kids and I would do for mine. I will do what I want for mine period, since that is what he is doing for his. Luckily we only see the skids at birthdays, halloween, thanksgiving and christmas. If we truly had them eowe, we'd be divorced I fear.

I hold my BS13 and SS13 to the exact same standards but when it comes to my SD12, my DH constantly cuts her slack for the same thing he'd be furious with the boys for, from chores to schoolwork or even breaking the rules. In some respects it seems like it's as much of a gender issue as it is a BK/SK one.