Have you asked your fiancé about that? Look him in the eye and pop the question, plain and simple. Don't leave without an answer that satisfies you; after you get the answer, you'll know if your relationship is worth fighting for.

i do not have kids of my own, but avoid anything having to do with my SD14.

in the beginning i tried doing the "family" thing. but between my fiance's refusal to parent his daughter and her overall rudeness, self centered-ness and the like, i am just happier not being around her. She brings no joy to our home. she has definitely been PAS'd by her mother ad others as well. She does not want to be close with me and her mother does not want that. so i chose not to fight it. for me, id rather eat a meal alone or out with friends than watch her eat with her hands. i used to help with her homework, but she puts in zero effort so i dont bother anymore.

so, when its visitation time, i let my fiance deal with her and her attitude, and i find something else to occupy my time with that i actually enjoy.

in your case, it sounds like your wife has her hands full with the problem child. also, its overwhelming enough with all of the activities these kids have today that to double up and go to more activities than you need to seems a bit much. maybe she values the alone time wiht her kids when you are out with your girls?

If this is a hill to die on then press the issue. Honestly though all these blended families that you see around doing xyz, are probably forcing it. I use to and sometimes are still forced into doing "family" things with the stepkids. I have 2 bs13 and bd9 and he has 2 sd11 and 8. I don't get along with his kids for a variety of reasons. Maybe your fiance has decided to become disengaged for similar reasons, the problems between the kids, etc.

I wish we could do our own thing when we had our kids but my DH just complains we should it xyz as a "family" problem is that we only do what he and skids want to do, we aren't consulted.

Have you thought the things that you and your kids are doing, aren't interesting to your finance and skids? It sounds like you get plenty of one on one time with your kids. I would think that would be a good thing, since I'm guessing you only have them EOWE.

But if you want the brady bunch, your fiance may tell you it can't happen. Has voiced any complaints before now? I'd start there.

Well, you are technically a single dad still... nothing has changed.

A few questions come to mind:

- Does your EX also attend the lacrosse and hockey games?

- When your fiancee goes with you to games/events, do you enjoy time with her or singularly focus on cheering on your kids? (neither is wrong, just trying to understand)

- Could you and fiancee consider planning ONE family outing/event weekly where both sets of children are involved?

You've got a couple of different threads in this knot.

1.) Your relationship with the boys. Sounds like at least one of them is disrespectful of you. That has to stop, and your fiancee has to take a BIG part in making it clear to the boy that it has to stop. YOU should not tolerate any disrespect towards yourself (let your fiancee worry about herself), and she should be coming down on the boy - hard - if she sees him disrespecting you. If she's not, you guys need to talk about that. You are an adult, he is a child, and if he's balk-talking, whiny or nasty and she's letting him get away with it, then she's not doing him any favors. On the flip side though, it *sounds* like she doesn't want you to be a "father figure" to them, which is her right. Could you go for "cool Uncle" instead? Leave all the parenting crap to her and just have your own (non-parental, but still very much adult-child) relationship with them?

2.) Your fiancee's relationship with your girls. I'm going to go out on a limb here and propose a possible reason for this. A lot of men seem to expect the women they date/marry to be "Mom". They want the Brady Bunch, with all that implies - someone to help with homework, laundry, driving, cheering at school events, yada yada yada. (Mostly, they do NOT want someone with expectations, who sets chores and enforces discipline though. So they want "the Mommy who's perfect little angel can do no wrong", not a REAL Mom.) That is exhausting, and unrealistic most of the time. Plus your fiancee is *already* mom to two little boys who have a right to her mothering.

Let me ask you something. WHY do you want your fiancee to come to the girls' school stuff? Is it to support YOU? So you have someone to sit with and talk to? Or is it to support THEM? There's no wrong answer, really, but knowing that answer will probably help us give you some advice. (And also, it's a tacit acknowledgement from you that you know it's not for HER, that SHE isn't getting anything out of that.)

And finally, I'll leave you with this. It's nice that you want the "family thing". Truly. And it would be nice if that worked out. But you want to marry HER, the woman. Someday all the kids will be grown and gone, and you marriage has to be about the two of YOU - not the kids. You're not marrying her kids, and she's not marrying yours. So if the relationship works "except for the kid part"? Then it works - because your relationship isn't about the kids. Don't bring them into YOUR relationship, they don't belong there and that's giving your children too much power. They need to fit into the relationship you have - the relationship does NOT have to alter to fit them in, you know?

When I first started seriously dating SO, we took the Skids everywhere. We have them every weekend. SD was in a sport that was every Friday from 5-8/9pm and Saturday from 9-2. I got tired of giving up half my weekend to sit in a gym and watch SD practice. I stopped going to all the practices and stayed home with SS. (He hated going and sitting around too). I did go to all the tournaments and when she tested for a new color belt.

We still do most things together, but there are times that he will take the kids to the park for a couple of hrs alone to give me a break. Personally, I would rather do NOTHING with SS because he is horrible in public, but that would mean missing quality time with SO and SD.

Like someone else posted, maybe she is busy with her Bio kids and steals the small kid free breaks that she can. Maybe she doesn't care for the activities you do, maybe she doesn't like your kids or her kids don't like your kids. It can be any or all those things.

Besides asking her why she choses not to participate, Maybe you can also tell her how it makes you feel.

U should be completely honest it how it makes you feel and how it could be a potential deal breaker because u want to be a family.

My DH has two girls that I've struggled with for 6 years but I've always made an effort to blend the family including my bs. I'll never give up, I love them but it's a constant struggle. U need her on the same page as u. Someone else will be able to fulfill all of your requirements in a marriage and make u a happy family. U only have one life to live, so make it a good one, but give her a chance to fix it first because u love her

You don't say, but does her kids do any sports or other activities? Do you go or participate in them? What about your Ex and yours and your fiances rship with the Ex?

My DSO whined he gets bored at the softball games by himself. But I pointed out that DSO never goes to any of Gson12 soccer games/practices. Also, the fact I have attended more games/practices for SD than her own mother has, and probably more than DSO.

I don't care for hockey or lacrosse, maybe your fiancé doesn't care for those sports either.

And all the happy blended families you see????? You never know what really goes on behind closed doors. I can honestly say, I fake it. I raised my kids. Didn't expect the skids to get dumped on us, and I actually do less now than I did before. DSO doesn't like it when he has to do parent stuff alone, but BTDT and don't wanna do it again.

Definitely ask her. See what she has to say. Try to get her to open up beyond the superficial "I have other things to do." Make her feel safe in telling you whatever she wants.

I don't know whether your girls are as great as you think or not. What I DO know is that my DH cannot see manipulation and passive aggressiveness from women that I can pick up on in an instant.

Run!! Run!! Run!! Get out of this mess as soon as you can! I wish I had the sense to do it when I got into the blended mess that I am in now. Just be single, date women, maybe have a booty call until your girls are grown and off to college. Then find a mate who has no kids or hers are also grown and gone. If a six year old is already disrespecting you that should be a BIG red flag! I am 42 years old and the kids are all grown and I am still dealing with their childhood Mommy issues that have nothing to do with me. If I had met my husband now they couldn't use the mean Stepmom crap (which I wasn't at all I probably did more for those kids than my own) and guilt me, I simply wouldn't care I didn't raise them. I know that sounds harsh I do love my skids but the blatent disrespect that is shown to the Stepparent no matter how hard they have worked to keep food on the table and provide for the family is just the way it is. These kids have hurt me more than anyone in my life and if I had it all to do over again things would have been a lot different. Not to mention the time and money taken from your own children, caring for the ingrates.

My husband had this fantasy too, and frankly his kids were too old to want any part of it. They are never rude to me and I always make an effort to speak with them and treat them with the same level a of generosity and kindness I give my own bids, BUT I am not their mom. They have mother. I love my husband, and my role is to be his spouse. I am a good spouse. My husbands kids and I have found our comfort zone which is basically that of polite semi-strangers, right now they don't want more, and I am not going to try to force it. If they become closer in the future great, but if not I and they are fine with that.

He too would nurse these family notions, and I don't get it. You cannot make other people want that. Do your kids want this woman around always???? It sounds like you have a great relationship with both your significant other and your kids, why not just be happy with that? Your kids already have a mother, I guess, correct. Don't try to force people into roles they don't want.

This is not to ignore the fact that you did explicitly state that you wanted a soccer game companion etc, but everyone seems okay with the evolution that exists. You could drop this relationship, but be prepared the woman who wants to go to all of these things with you and such will probably feel entitled to weighing on decisions with authority as well, are you okay with that?

3 things SO and I were told by a therapist about blending our family.

1# Write the house rules that shall apply to all kids, together, then present them to all the kids, together. Make sure that we come across united, that we both fully and sincerely agree with each rule. Go through the consequences, SO is to say to SD "if SM catches you disobeying the rules, she will carry out the consequence, even if I'm in the next room" (and I say vise versa to my kids).

2# It's important for me to spend 1 on 1 quality time with SD when my kids are around, but not included. SO is to spend 1 on 1 quality time with each of my kids separately when SD is around. that's to help kids realize 'oh, mom/dad isn't MINE, they are here for the other kid/s as well.

3# SO and I are to have 1 on 1 time excluding the kids (as in, get a babysitter to watch kids, so they see that the two adults in the house are important to each other as well).

Those helped us a bit, maybe you can try them out??