New Here! Need to vent! Please help!
I have been dating my BF for two years now, and he has a 14 year old and an 8 year old. Both boys. I have a 9.5 and 8 year old -- both girls.
Last night, the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife...I totally lost it on the 8 year old boy b/c I'm sick of him calling my 9.5 Daughter "FAT" all the time.
The boys have seemed to get along with my 8 year old, but now she's beginning to get sick of thier crap too and I saw that last night.
The boys have no respect for authority and have dirty mouths. They argue and have smart mouths.
Last night, they set up the girls and made a mess, blaming it on MY kids. I gave the boys the benefit of the doubt and told my girls to pick up the mess. They insisted that they didnt do it, the boys did, but I made my girls pick it up anyway. Needless to say, the girls went into the house, fists raised, ready to fight, and they boys STILL said they didn't do anything.
It took their DAD coming home to get the truth out of the boys and yes, they DID set up my girls. IN the interim of all this chaos, I thought I was going to leave and never come back.
I love my BF and we both want this to work. We can't seem to get these kids to get along. His kids are horrible. Mine aren't the greatest either and I realize that everyone has their issues, but geez!!! ENOUGH ALREADY!! I asked him last night, "are they EVER going to like each other?" He said, probably not until their twenties.
I can't take this anymore......we only get our kids together ONCE a week and when we do THIS HAPPENS everytime.
As soon as his kids come home from thier mother's house, I have my guard up, ready to pounce.........it shoudn't BE LIKE That. I should be happy to see them.....right?
What do I do about the kids? How to I stand up for my kids with out looking like I'm playing favorites? Will they ever get along? What can I do to help this situation?
The consequences my BF gives
The consequences my BF gives his children are follows: A stern talking to....thinks that this works and they actually "listen" to him. Then if that doesn't work, he paddles them.....He rarely does this at all. Especially to the 14 year old. When the boys act up, he gets real angry and tells them to stop....whoopdie doo. My 9.5 daughter has already cried to me saying that "He NEVER does ANYTHING to those boys!!!" Guess she sees it too.
I take things away from my children....ground them with no computer/TV/Nintendo.....But the boy's behavior surpasses my daughters' and I end up harboring and pushing down so much anger. I have talked to my BF about it, and he becomes defensive.
Since we don't live together, i don't think I should tell him how to punish his kids. It's hard to imagine moving in together now, because of the chaos between the kids. It's sad.
My BF has full custody of the boys and I think he feels guilty about the divorce and is scared to some extent that his 14 year old will want to go live with his mom if we move in together. IN fact, the 14 year old has said this before.
I know that if we EVER move in together, I will DEF. implement a chore system and there WILL be reprocussions to this behavior. Until then, I feel helpless.
Yes, I have thought of that,
Yes, I have thought of that, but he has full custody.
Our kids will be together at some point during the week. Usually once or twice a week. I feel that taking control and handling the situation one day at a time will eventually work.
Honestly they should be
Honestly they should be disciplined for their behavior. It has nothing to do with sibling rivalry. My SS and SD and BS all get along fine when we moved in. SD now doesn't get along with anyone. But, SS and BS are nice to each other. It doesn't have to be this way...
What do you do? Is your SD
What do you do? Is your SD mean and vindictive towards you and the other children?
Its breaking my heart that I can't see this working because of the children. THere has to be a way to work this out.
If you have to get the kids
If you have to get the kids together, have a family game night or something you can all do together. Leaving them unsupervised is only asking for trouble, and with them being boys and yours being girls, sorry to say, they shouldn't be unsupervised. EVER. Be thankful you haven't moved in together, and DON'T until the kids are grown. Otherwise, you will feel like a playground monitor everyday of your life; not something I see you enjoying.