New step-mom needs advise :/
I will try to make a long story short I am getting married to My wonderful Boyfriend in May ! I have my 2 boys who are 9 and 13 and with us full time (boyfriend lives with us) He has 2 children 14 girl and 19 boy..19 year old is on his own and is having his own family shortly
so SD comes here every other weekend she can come as often as she would like but only comes on the weekend that she has to :/ My oldest son's likes her they talk when she is here ..My youngest LOVES her and waits by the door when he knows she is coming ,At 1st she was all about the new family She loved my lil guy and everything was rainbows and flowers lol . Before thanksgiving everything changed she started being very moody and down right mean to the lil guy he tries to talk to her and she will ignore him .
I understand Moody teenage girl hey I used to be one . I even took her shopping and tried to talk to her she told her dad before we left she is depressed so I tried to tell her I understand how hard being her age is and that I understand where she is coming from and all that ,We had a great shopping day and connected I was happy she was happy until we got home then it all started she ignored anyone who spoke to her (mostly the 9 yr old) I know he can be annoying but gesh he just wants to love her :/ ..So She desided not to see us on thanksgiving oh well I cant make her come here and Dad didn't want to rock the boat I guess . Last Night was my boyfriends Birthday I had all the kids here and his Mom and step dad .I planed a party and was excited about it my kids couldn't wait for SD to get here. She walks in and hugs me I told her I had missed her and she said she missed me love you all that happy stuff . But she was in a mood . she is always in a bad mood so bad that my kids pray (literally) that when she gets here she will be in a good mood. So about an hour in to the get together and after countless times of me or her dad trying to talk to her . Boy I wish I could type how she was acting ugh so picture this she was setting beside her brother ..I would say hey how is everything she would hold up a finger like she is talking to her brother . Or My 9 yr old would say hey hey hey she would hold up her finger like she wait one min and he would he would set there waiting for her to be ready to talk to him and that moment would never come . I gave up trying to speak to her . But I cant believe how a child can dismiss an adult like her dad and I if my kids would do that I would pull the aside and tell them it is rude . I got sick of watching my son Begging for her ation to I just said come on DS lets go in here . My boyfriend could tell on my face I was upset he ask what was wrong . Though I should of waited until a better time to spill my feelings I told him I was sick of being dismissed by a kid and I was sick of watching my kid begging her to notice him (he honestly just loves talking to her and she used to make over him allllll the time calling him her brother telling him she loves him ) But everything has changed . So her dad ask her what was up she got super upset saying she hated him and wanted to leave ! her BB took up for her (understandable) Her dad said she needed to act better she informed him he was no kind of father never texting her threw the week come on text really lol but it's true he doesn't . I'm not sure how often he calls her but I have been there when he does but she will text back and say whats up . kids kill me not picking up the phone when it rings but I guess that's how it is these days..So the night ended in a crying teenager calling her BM saying she was leaving with BB yelling at her dad me in tears 9year old confused .BM calls dad and said That SD was upset becouse she said she didn't know we was getting married that we just told her not ask (we did ask her opinion on it she seemed happy at the time) we even looked at dresses for her to wear in the wedding trying to involve her as much as possible . I feel so bad 1 for saying anything at all to BF at the wrong time but I am also upset that she left and was allowed to leave . I feel like she should of been made to stay and work on this instead of allowing her to run with her brother and slamming us on Facebook . Ugh teenagers lol . Sorry this is so long I guess I have alot to say this moring and I am so helpless I want so badly to have a relationship with this child but it's so hard
Personally I dont think
Personally I dont think children should be asked if its ok for dad to remarry and I am a stepdaughter from the age of 16! Its giving them too much power and giving them the idea that they can control things. I appreciate obviously you want all the children to be happy, and obviously if there was anything sd was concerned about then she should be able to talk to your bf BUT what happens if you ask permission to marry and she isnt happy about dad getting remarried? What do you say then?!
Your bf need to correct her on this now and have a chat with her why she appears to be unhappy about this? sd may need some reassurance from her father, it could be innocent and just petty insecurity and jealousy rearing its head. There is also a possibility that she is picking on your son9, because now hes going to be the youngest in the family unit so to speak, replacing her effectively - IKSWIM? It is hard when changes are made, big changes like marriage spelling out this is forever and reality sets in along with whispers of paranoia for skids, sd may have gotten the novelty of having a younger "brother" out of her system and is now getting irritated like teen siblings can! I KNOW its difficult because they dont get asked or are able to control things, so that frustration spills over into their behaviour. Your bf needs to perhaps some one to one time with her during the chat and then you can join them and also reassure her, along with bf telling her that adults dont and shouldnt require permission from their children for decisions like these and that its unacceptable to be so ill mannered as to ignore people effectively when they are trying to speak to you (if she was having a heart to heart with her brother then she should have said she was having a chat with him and she would be over to speak to you at some point at the party and your DS9 can then be told "sd is talking to ss19, leave her be and you can see her later.").
She's 14 and her dad now has
She's 14 and her dad now has new permanent full time kids and new wife. A whole new family and she's not sure how she fits in anymore. Keep talking to her and spending time with her. You're doing what I'd do.