Not sure where to begin.

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Hi everyone. First time poster here. I wish I had found this site a year & a half ago when I became a step mom because I have SO MUCH to vent about, questions to ask, etc. Some background: I have known my husband since we were teenagers (14 & 15 years old). He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first love, etc. His family moved away but for 21 years now, we stayed in constant contact. He married twice, his 9 year old is from his first marriage. I moved away from everything/everyone I've ever known/loved to FINALLY start our lives together. I was simply ecstatic that we were finally getting back together like we always wanted but had no idea what challenges I was facing. We got back together March or April of 2014, I was pregnant by May. In addition to an unplanned pregnancy, moving away, I didn't have a chance to get to know his family again, bond with my step daughter, etc. My pregnancy, my child obviously comes first. So it's been rough. Too much to adjust to all at the same time. Trying to figure out mother hood for my own child plus figure out step-parenthood with a child I haven't raised, not feeling like as a stepparent, I get any say over anything that has to do with her. Anything positive I do or say to/for her is ignored & everything negative is magnified, not only by my husband but his family. Of course there is resentment for a lot of different reasons, but whenever I bring up his past marriages to try to get him to understand how they have a permanent, negative effect (extra difficulty, chaos, hurt feelings, etc) on OUR life together, it's only seen as me trying to injure him & hold it over his head & make him feel guilty, which of course isn't true; I would never intentionally, deliberately hurt him. He says that I knew what I was getting into, because I've known that he had a child, but my reply has been: knowing & experiencing/living IN IT is two completely different things.

We just found out last week that we're having baby #2 in December. Sort of a shock, but not totally because we were trying to conceive since December. Anyhow, I guess the reason why I wanted to find a step parent forum today was because now that we're expecting again, an old resentment is coming up. For having a 2 story house, we don't have a lot of space. 3 bedrooms. I forget how much square footage. Step daughter is over every other weekend, but does not like to spend the night because her mother has decided it's a good idea to continue co-sleeping with her, so she doesn't like spending the night anywhere, really & if she does, she'll cry & want to talk to her mom. Whenever she used to stay over, she would wake up countless times throughout the night, knock on our door, etc. I think she's got better about it in the past year but she still rarely spends the night. When she's here she barely goes into her bedroom. She's constantly hovering over us, smothering us, up our butts, like she can't entertain herself. Or she sits on the couch on her iPod playing games. She has a closet full of toys she rarely plays with (some from her birthday & christmas that are still unopened), a wall full of stuffed animals she doesn't play with; she has so many toys that we went out & got a bookshelf type thing for the overflow. We've bought her clothes to have over here, which she never wears so she outgrew them. I hope I'm met with understanding with this post & am not attacked, but basically, my feeling has been that her bedroom is nothing more than a storage unit. And now that we're expecting OUR second child, husband thinks that it's a good idea to squeeze our son & the new baby into the same nursery. By the time we put the new baby into the crib, our first born will be a little less than 2 1/2 years old.

As a new mom who has only raised a 1 year old, I don't know if that's normal? to put two small children in the same nursery? I'm new to all of this LOL. I'm concerned about how much the baby will cry through the night & wake up the toddler? and vice versa (he's been waking up a few times during the night & we're trying to solve that before the baby comes) But it sort of makes me angry that my two bio children have to share a tiny room when the 9 year old has her own room that is barely ever used. Like, if we have a girl I won't get to decorate another nursery for her. I would have to beg hubby to let me paint half of the existing nursery. That's the only compromise I can think of.

I guess I just don't know what's normal for a step child having a room in the other parent's house. I guess that's what's supposed to happen, but then I don't know what's normal for when you have an expanding family. I'm completely lost & still have so much frustration about the blended family situation in general. And I'm tired of being made to feel like a bad person for having a difficult time with all of this. Please help!

Who has the larger bedroom?

Who has the larger bedroom? Baby or SD? Kids who share get the largest room IMO. Mine are 23 months apart and have always shared the largest room.

both rooms are about the same

both rooms are about the same size, I think. As far as closet space, the nursery has the larger closet, but not by much.

dO YOu pay half the mortgage

dO YOu pay half the mortgage ?

I'm sorry, but how is that

I'm sorry, but how is that relevant? Do you have the mindset of, "whoever makes the money makes the rules" which I don't agree with.

No but if you were, I'd say

No but if you were, I'd say he wouldn't really have the right to say no, now would he?

yeah, i would say that's

yeah, i would say that's accurate, & not even when it comes to money necessarily. a lot of the time i feel that no concessions are made for me. like, i replied to someone about how when we first moved into the house, i told him which room I wanted for the nursery. he made it SD's room anyways. when it came time to start preparing, he dragged his feet when it came to helping me & i had to keep nagging him, which i hate doing & i know men hate. so i asked him why he put her in there in the first place when I told him I wanted that to be the nursery since it was the room closest to us & he simply said, "because that's what i decided". he has this old fashion, macho, "i'm the man" mentality which oftentimes makes me feel quite small.

SEE? Thank you. This is where

SEE? Thank you. This is where I'm at. We had a disagreement MONTHS ago about how many "houses" SD has. I said one: her mom's. Husband says 3: mothers, ours, & grandparents. And I'm like, ummm....IMO, she has one house & 2 others that she visits at. I think the disagreement came from something she said, she actually called her grandparent's house "Sarah's house" (changed her name, obviously).

but if I even mentioned ANY of this, oh my gosh, the blowout that would occur. She has spent the night a small handful of times this year so it might possibly start increasing, but I have no guarantee of that. When we first moved into this house when I was pregnant, I told husband which room I wanted for the nursery. He moved her in there anyways, knowing in a few short months that we would have to disassemble the furniture & move it. And when I started nesting & getting antsy & told him I wanted to start on the nursery, he made a big deal about it & took his sweet time. When I asked him why he moved her in there in the first place, he said, "because that's what I decided."

yeah, I agree with this but

yeah, I agree with this but as far as him & the rest of his family is concerned, they would not agree, so you can understand how isolated i feel & how frustrated I feel. it's my opinion that since this is not her primary residence, she visits. and i don't mean that to be mean or harsh or anything like that, but it's simply a fact. i don't want her to feel unwelcomed- certainly not!- but her "home" is with her mom & she prefers it that way. i'm a child of divorce myself although i was much older. i was raised by my mom. i would've said the same thing about my experience as a child.

I don't think it's so much

I don't think it's so much that I have a problem with my kids sharing a room, but I would prefer it in the future, when we have more. I think my biggest irritation is the fact that we have this one room that is NOT used, that I can't use for my second child, who will live in our house on a permanent, regular basis. Just like a previous poster said- she has 2 bedrooms, my children have to share? at their own expense.

so are you saying that she

so are you saying that she should get everything that she wants from everyone?

also, you're only seeing like, a small portion (just like my in laws) of our lives. you're not seeing ANY of the positives, so this comment is completely unfair to me.

Your two kids have both bio

Your two kids have both bio parents in the household. The SD has to move back and forth. The fact that she hasn't been comfortable enough yet to spend much time at your place may be partially her mom's fault. However, from what you say here, it isn't a far stretch to assume that the kid can sense that you view her as an irritant and an outsider. Face it at 9yo she is a child and maybe not a particularly mature one.

Can you blame her, her parents are split up. Her mom is holding her too close and that's probably due to her parent's split. Daddy has a new wife that immediately had a new baby and now another one is coming. She probably feels very unimportant in your house. She is clinging to mom and mom encourages it. The only tenuous hope she has at dad's is that there is a room for her. Sure she isn't using it much at all and it sits empty but if you take it away, you are confirming that there is no place for her in her dad's home.

I agree with the purge the unwanted stuff. Have the child help you do it. Say you want to help little girls who don't have anything at all and can she help pick things to give away. Then make the room more into a guest room vibe. Make sure she has some space for some personal things, but I wouldn't bother filling it with a bunch of clothes etc... those are what she isn't using right now. As she gets older and more confident, she may be more comfortable staying at your house and you don't want to take that option away by jettisoning her room.

You have to get over the idea that she has "two rooms" and she "isn't using the one at our house much" and that your kids are "sharing". Your kids have you and your husband full time. This little girl had her family torn apart and by all appearances, daddy has moved on and is creating a new family without her. Don;t make her feel like a guest in her dad's home, it's not fair and you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of problems with her if you participate in pushing her out of his life. She is just a kid. She is hurt. Give her a break and you have time before your kids get too old to share a room. You said yourself you were looking to move in a couple years. This doesn't have to be an issue.

she's actually really good at

she's actually really good at giving stuff away, for the most part, because we've done this before, but it seems as much as we give away, she gets twice as much to bring back. and my in laws don't help- they just give her stuff to bring over here, not even asking if it's ok with either my husband or i. (we just, in general, have boundary issues with them, that no one but I can see. everyone else is just too close.) when we moved her into her current room after we set up the nursery, i tried my best to steer them away from decorating it and calling it "her" room. we have used it as a guest room in the past when my mom would come to visit, so I tried to say, "ok, sweetie- remember- this isn't just your room. you have to share it with people who come over" & i tried to explain that to my husband, too. but more decorations went up & it just didn't seem to matter what i did or said.

last month she, for some reason, wanted to change clothes, but when she went to find something, nothing fit her. so she said, "you guys will have to take me shopping for a new wardrobe for over here." and i didn't say anything but i thought, "you don't live here. you never ever ever ever wear any of the clothes that are already over here, which is why you have outgrown them. no, we're not going to take you shopping for clothes you will continue not to wear." quite seriously- the last time we went through her clothes to give away- there were 4 or 5 items that we bought brand new for christmas 2014. that she did not wear once. so i'm thinking if she wants more clothes over here to change into, she can bring them from her mom's.

oh, and that's the other thing that's bothered me. all of the toys & stuffed animals that she has over here- and she still brings stuff over from her mom's when she comes over for the day.

Kids are clutter magnets. I

Kids are clutter magnets. I will say that my younger SD especially has always wanted "ownership" of things. I would get a new horse and she wanted to know if that could be "HER" horse. We have a dog and now she wants to know if she can keep him some when she gets her own place. I already mentioned the sticker fiasco lol. My DH was thinking about buying his old boat back and SD said she wanted her name on the title so he wouldn't sell it again haha. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had ever had my own Bio because I am pretty sure that she would have adopted the baby.

Don't get me wrong, I love the child, but kids can be a little grabby at times. I don't know if it's worse with kids of divorce who feel they are more adrift.

I'm glad you said that

I'm glad you said that because she seems to get into everything & is so curious about everything in the house. not that she necessarily wants to take ownership but she has to touch everything, read everything, ask about everything, take things from their places & just leave them wherever. and i'm like- you have a whole room of your very own stuff to touch, to play with- why are you getting into adult stuff that's not yours? lol!!! even the baby's toys. oh my gosh, it drives me mad sometimes. we got him a little ball pit with a tunnel for christmas & she wouldn't stay out of it. she's tall & overweight anyways & the ball pit is made of some flimsy-ish material & wasn't sewn together all that great. after two or three times of them being in there together & her stepping on him numerous times I had enough & told her she was too big for it & that it was his toy so from now on, only he was allowed to play in it.

i don't like her playing with his toys by herself. if they are playing together & she is trying to help, that's a different story, obviously. but when she is playing with them by herself, i don't like it. it makes me feel like she's regressing in a way. and one time she was playing with one of his toys by herself, he crawled up to it & tried to play with it- she SNATCHED IT AWAY. i mentioned it to my husband later & all he said was, "she's trying to find her place." ok, i can understand that. but he offered her no direction when it happened, didn't correct her, nothing. he didn't assist her in "finding her place".

Some kids aren't good with

Some kids aren't good with boundaries. This may be especially true if the kids have never been given them by the parents or their families. I know my skids suffered a little bit by the family dynamics.

EX = Psycho
DH = Avoider of Conflict (means that he avoided dealing with the BM which means basically he was at her mercy for visitation etc.. he did stick up to her on money to a certain extent because he didn't have it to give)
SKids Grandparents = The Pity Patrol = Oh those poor babies of divorced parents. But they don't have a Hoooooome. boo hoo. Spoilers and enablers of selfish behavior in the skids with no expectations. (seriously, the kids had no chores when they lived there because the GM said she was too particular about how things were done).

The kids kindof learned to play to their advantage. The older would spout off about how abandoned she was and the GP would do stuff for her. The younger learned to manipulate the "but mama said it was ok and to ask you" game.

Now, these are good kids underneath it all and they had a crappy situation at times, but it was work getting them to work out decent.lol.

yeah, that sounds a lot like

yeah, that sounds a lot like us, except the ex isn't psycho, & DH only avoids conflict in OTHER areas of our lives. grandparents thought? spot on. MIL does everything for her (most things) to the point that she struggles with putting food on her own plate & cutting up her own food. no chores, no responsibilities. MIL says, "my family is everything to me" but i feel she doesn't understand that sometimes that means doing what's best for the child, which means, if she can't sleep in her own bed by herself, in her own room at the grandparent's, she goes home to mom. it doesn't mean, grandma sleeps in the bed with you, because grandma wants her to stay as long as possible. (she actually complained about that to me once.)

I will be another vote for

I will be another vote for the share a room for the younger kids. While you have had some issues with SD.. I think you need to cut her a little bit of a break. Kids can have all sorts of insecurities. Her parents are split, she has a new SM and SM is having babies.. so is she being replaced by Daddy's new family?

Imagine if you were in that position and your dad took away "your room" because his new family wanted to use it?

Yeah, I know, she is insecure and hasn't stayed much, but if you are encouraging and welcoming, she may stay more (and honestly, shouldn't you encourage your DH to have a relationship with is DD? I mean, what if you two split up.. wouldn't you want him to maintain a relationship with your Bios?)

Don't take her room away.. if you want, you can declutter it of unused/unwanted toys and junk.

Another alternative would be for you to move into a larger house before too long. Then all the kids can eventually have their own space.

While I haven't always been selfless.. sometimes as SParents, we have to try to see the world from the children's eyes. It can't be easy to be around people who may have indicated they wish you didn't exist. and yes.. kids can be petty and selfish and self centered.. they are like that to "everyone" though and it just seems to hurt worse when you are trying so hard as a sparent.

I feel like you're making it

I feel like you're making it sound like getting knocked up twice is somehow all my fault? It takes two to tango.

Actually, I told him I wasn't on BC the first time around. He either heard me & didn't care or forgot or, i don't know what. And to be honest, I had had unprotected sex countless times in the past but didn't get knocked up so I genuinely convinced myself that I was infertile or there was something wrong with me. I think he's kind of an idiot when it comes to knocking women up because he knocked his first wife up when they were pretty much already on the verge of divorce (i actually remember exactly where I was standing in my living room when he called to tell me they were divorcing; likewise I remember what street I was driving down after work a few months later when he called to tell me she was pregnant); either that or they thought it was a good idea to have a kid to try to save the marriage. Either way, dumb.

This second time around, it was his idea for me to come off my BC. I thought he would want to wait a bit longer, so I was shocked. I'm in my mid-thirties & didn't want to be an "older" mom & because we want to have more I was like, "cool". I haven't brought this up to him because I'm honestly scared to voice anything to him about my SD that I know he'll disagree with; really I'm afraid to say anything about her at all because it will be misunderstood, taken the wrong way, seen as trying to exclude her, made into a negative- you name it. I feel like i've been forced into silence by him & his parents. Like I said in my post, I have no say. Everyone is all, "this is unfair to her" but I feel like no one in his family, not even him, gives two s----s about how I feel, or how unfair this all is to me & my children- they make me feel like everything is my fault. I feel like they don't want to compromise at all or sacrifice or try to understand where I'm coming from or try to make this any easier on me.

****a room that is NEVER

****a room that is NEVER USED. wasted space. ignored toys. clothes that are never worn. we might as well just have a two bedroom home. i feel like so many posters are ignoring this point.

My mil thought my two sds

My mil thought my two sds needed their own room. Both girls they shared but it wasn't cause I had other kids. We had our room, a guest room and the girls room. The girls did get their own room when the older was 14.

Also, I would have to

Also, I would have to disagree with you on her feeling insecure in our home. Her insecurities are squarely on her mother's shoulders for allowing her to co-sleep with her for NINE YEARS. That is so unhealthy that it's mind-boggling. It actually started before we moved into this house. Before I even moved up here, I would drive up on weekends to visit & my husband was staying at his sister & brother in law's house. SD had her own room to stay in when it was her weekend, but husband let her stay in his room, on the chaise lounge. I didn't realize until the end of the summer that she had her own room to stay in, but chose not to. She makes up stories about being "sick" & her mom takes her out of school early, not on a super regular basis, but frequently. and what do you know? as soon as she's with mom, she's fine.

As far as the just as important comment- I've been made to feel less important than her, rather than equal, or just as loved. I've made the comment, or at least thought in my head, "it's her world, I'm just living in it". She has been babied and coddled for 9 years, and I would have to agree with my SIL who has said that she needs some tough love- but she doesn't get it from anyone in her life. All she hears is "yes" & hardly ever "no". (also perhaps the reason she's already overweight??)

Her bios were older. You

Her bios were older. You know, I still think about all those girls. So sad.

Because the SD is only 9 I

Because the SD is only 9 I would not say she needs her room taken away just yet. The baby could care less what color you paint the room or where is sleeps as long as it is safe. If you really want to re-decorate for the new baby and it is a different sex then your one year old, just pain it a neutral color and put girlie things on the wall by the crib and more masculine decorations on the wall by the little boys bed. Once she gets older and is still not sleeping over, then you can take over the room.
We had a room for my OSS18 for four years. After the first year he stopped sleeping here. After about of year of him no longer sleeping here, we took his stuff out and put the Younger boys beds in there. But at the age of 9, she is still young and could decide to start staying. If she has no bedroom, she will feel replaced and that will cause a shit storm you do not want.

Because the SD is only 9 I

I must be remembering it

I must be remembering it incorrectly, but I swear DD was about 9 months before we used the nursery. I don't think either of your bios is even to really be aware of "their" room for a long time.

I'd park that bassinet next to my bed and wait a f e years before stressing over it. A lot can change in 3 years.

well we finally moved DS into

well we finally moved DS into his nursery around 5 months because he was no longer sleeping in the Moses basket by the bed & we started co-sleeping because it was just easier, but husband wasn't down with that. I think he & i both agree that we want baby to be in the crib by about the same time, if not before. Maybe it will be different with this baby & he/she will sleep longer in the moses basket? I think that would be ideal. I guess I'm just afraid of even more anger or resentment if we have to rush to put them in the same room & it doesn't work out.

thank you. jesus. some of the

thank you. jesus. some of the comments coming through now are the exact reason why I was afraid to post in the first place. f*ing attacks when I'm seeking some help, support, understanding. we're not in a position to move right now and weren't planning to for another year or two, until my husband moved to a different position, so we could move to the coast (somehow I feel like that's going to be blamed on me, too????). this is what i was trying to get at; not just flat out taking the room away from her & making her feel unwanted, but rather explaining to her, in a way that she could understand what was going on. it's not my fault that for 9 years no one explained to her that there was a possibility that there would be siblings down the road. i wasn't even f*ing here.

and your last paragraph? spot on. him & his family didn't have the foresight to think long-term for her so now it's a huge mess. i'm trying to find a solution that will work for EVERYONE- myself & my children included. you know, the entire family, not just one child.

is there another step parent site for new step parents where I won't get f*ing flamed for i don't know, being clueless & trying to do the best with the mess that I have? jesus.

The problem is, I don't think

The problem is, I don't think a 9 yo will get it. I'm not sure there is a way she could. It's kind of like when people attach human feelings to animals. She won't be capable of understanding the adult logic.

Winnie, Yeah you're going to

Winnie,

Yeah you're going to get attacked by this group. They thrive on circling around people that come with questions that don't suit them.

Although, I do agree with them, they have he worst social skills at times though

Your SD was there before you came in the picture, she should have a room at her fathers house. Even if she doesn't sleep in it.

What we did was move SD into the smaller room and our DD's into the larger one, only because there were two of them.

The only other idea would be for SD and your first to share the one room with a bunk bed? That might not work if your DD is still to young, I forgot how old you said.

Good luck!

yeah, the age difference is

yeah, the age difference is too great. she's 9 & he's 13 months. he's still in his crib. i don't think there will ever be a time when she shares a room with the bio kids, simply because of that. but it's still early, so who knows. we're moving to the coast in 2-3 years & we haven't discussed how that's going to work out, either.

as far as this site, that's

as far as this site, that's uh, pretty immature of them lol. and i guess i skimmed through some of the other posts before I made this one & read some of them & the comments & some of the things that were said, were things I would say, or how I feel so I sort of felt safe & like I wouldn't be attacked. how naive of me lol! and at some point, haven't we all had similar questions, or similar struggles? at one point weren't we all completely lost in trying to figure out how to be a good step parent?

hey there,I'm pretty new to

hey there,I'm pretty new to steptalk as well,

Maybe ask yourself, honestly, if this is about the physical space of the room, or the meaning attached to it (about sd having a room and your baby not have one, your baby having to sacrifice a room for sd to have one? I don't know you, so I'm just trying to figure this out with you, no judgement) maybe this will help you figure out what the best solution is?

In my house, ss9 has always had his room even if he didn't always sleep here, but I have enough rooms (the rooms are minuscule, but they're all small) When I was a new stepmom, and when I had children after, I sometimes felt like so many accommodations were made for ss...after a few years of experience as a sm, I have changed my perspective...It's especially from watching ss, dd, and ds together...they love each other and wait anxiously for the weekend to get to spend time together, ss will refuse to go to soccer practice to see ds and dd longer...when I see them all together, getting along, I'm really happy that we always insisted ss always feel like daddy and mimi's house was also his house...he also didn't want to sleep at our place at one time (ss has anxiety and is treated for it, but he feels insecure very fast)we always told him when he would be ready his space was available, and that our house was his house...I don't know if I did it the right way or the wrong way, but I know DH appreciates that I have always tried to welcome ss, despite BM and MIL being total monsters....I would leave sd in her room for now, and see what happens later, but I'm not in your shoes, and don't know the full story...good luck

thank you for being so nice

thank you for being so nice lol. i'm so new to this so yeah, i am just trying to find my way & try to figure out the root of why i feel certain things. like you, i think after i'm a few more years into this it will be easier. i want to talk to my husband about it, but before i do that, or even before i mention how i feel about it, i want to have some ideas ready to present.

The skids shouldn't be made

The skids shouldn't be made to feel like visitors in their father's home. I know she isn't using the room much but the psychological impact of the mean stepmother sis placing her will sting. I'm not saying she isn't a little immature but she is only 9 yo. You are the adult. Surely you can see how this is hard on her and a 9 yo just doesn't have the skills to deal. Your kids will hardly know the difference if they share. Plus they have both parents in the house so they are already winning. Try to not be in comparison with her. Not saying you need to be her mommy but give her some slack she has a tough sutuation.

i guess it's just kind of

i guess it's just kind of hard for me to understand, because it's not as if her parents split 2 years ago. it's been a very long time. she was 2 or 3, so it's not like it happened so recently that it should still be a shock to her. i can't remember what it's like being a kid because THAT has been such a long time but, i sort of feel that she should be used to all of this by now? i mean, definitely not the sibling thing, that's brand new. and she's less jealous now. i haven't seen or heard any jealousy since the first few months. she loves her brother & he loves playing with her. i guess i'm also resentful of the family for not teaching her better skills to cope with all of this over the years. i said earlier in another post that they've coddled & babied her & i think that has added to her immaturity, in that she's 9 but acts/thinks/talks younger than that. when we were making wedding plans, she wanted to be the flower girl & i immediately thought she was too old for that. so i said that she could be a junior bridesmaid, but we ended un eloping so it was a non-issue. but her family would've been all, "oh, let her be the flower girl" because that's what she wanted to do. no one else seems to care about what's age-appropriate for her, except her father and i, but even with him, he's obviously sensitive towards her so even he will let her do things that perhaps she shouldn't be doing, because he wants to make her happy.

I think because the babies

I think because the babies are still only babies, they won't mind sharing. And it would go over much better if your SD had her own room, despite not being there very often

Either way, if you insist otherwise yes everyone will think you're being an unreasonable and mean SM and at this point in time, is it really worth all that?

When my DH & I first moved in together SD's shared a room. When we moved to a bigger three-bedroom house it was actually DH who insisted SD's could continue to share, and we would use the extra room as a den/guest room

His reasoning was OSD was living with us full-time and YSD stayed EOW, so EOW they could just share

I was actually the one who fought for YSD and insisted that she should have her own room, even if it was only EOW. And on the weekends she wasn't there, we could use it as an office/spare room for guests

When YSD got older, she did appreciate the fact that thanks to me she had a beautiful room of her own....we even painted it in the colour she wanted (again DH figured WE would decide on that and she had no say. I convinced him to let her choose, from colours he had already 'approved') and it worked

It's strange as he is generally such a disney dad and lets SD's do whatever they want, but for some reason he took a stance on the whole room thing

In the end DH, and SD, felt I had been considerate and kind to her and SHE most importantly appreciates it now that she is older and remembers I worked hard to make sure she had that when with us

I know this is not the answer you wanted, and I do understand where you're coming from about the room rarely being used, but I honestly think in the long run if you sacrifice this for your SD you will come off much better than the alternative

As long as it's safe to keep two small babies in a room together LOL - I'm not a parent so have no idea if that is okay or not!

While he loved her, do you

While he loved her, do you think he was somehow punishing her for not choosing him full time?

SEE?! oh my gosh. all of

SEE?! oh my gosh. all of these scenarios have already been running through my head about keeping a toddler & a baby in the same room.

your last sentence is really

your last sentence is really truly originally why I posted all of this in the first place. as a "first" time mom to only a 13 month old & getting ready for a newborn- i have no idea how to JUST do that in & of itself. i have no idea if its safe or not & that has me terrified. i saw something earlier on FB on a mom group about how her older baby/toddler tried to climb over the side of the crib into the other one (they were side by side, like we're planning to do) but he fell in between & got his head stuck. this is the s*** that i'm worried about most. and if my babies have to share the nursery, because it's so small, that's the only way to fit two cribs in there.

You are here

Not sure where to begin.