Pardon me while I vent my wrath to the gods... (Sorry, long rant)
Hi! I haven't been here in a while. I've spent the last few weeks trying to summon up the strength I needed to endure a week-long beach trip (notice I don't use the word "vacation") with my husband, my two kids, and his three little nightmarish children. All boys - ages 10, 9, 8, 7, and 5.
I used to enjoy "vacations", back before I married my DH. I was pretty sure this trip would be horrible, and my GOD I was right.
I got to spend seven fun-filled days (oh, and two weekends in a row) with his little snot-nosed brats in my damn face 24/7. The only peace I got was when their hateful asses went to bed at night.
SS7 spent the entire week up DH's ass, refusing to let me spend any time with DH alone at all. I brought this to DH's attention several times, but he loves all that special attention from SS7, so he really didn't do anything to stop it. After about two days of that, I decided I wasn't going to compete with a damn 7-year-old for my husband's attention, and I just started trying to do my own thing. I spent a lot of time in the back bedroom of the house we rented, watching Netflix on my phone by myself. DH complained about me doing that, and I told him I couldn't handle his kids' constant racket, SS7's attempts to butt me out of the way all the time, and all the bullshit drama that comes along with SS10 and SS8.
There was no escape. NONE.
Then we got back home on Saturday, and I had to put up with their normal crap at home for two days.
The only thought that held my hanging-by-a-thread sanity together was that they'd be going back to BM's house for a week after Monday morning. That was the ONLY thing that kept me from completely losing my damn mind.
People who don't have stepkids can't understand why this is such a nightmare. Young boys can be a pain in the ass anyway. DH's kids sound like miniature Beavises and Buttheads, with all the potty talk and stupid noises they make nonstop. SS8 also loves to talk about Jesus (not that there's anything wrong with that, except I'm agnostic and don't care to have a damn 8-year-old shaking a finger in my face and telling me I'm going to hell for "thinking wrong"), SS7 is DH's little shadow everywhere we go and in everything we do, and SS10 is constantly making messes (well, they all three do that), then expect the adults to pick up after him (which I will NOT do).
It's so precious how they all have their own unique little way of bugging the ever-loving shit out of me.
SS8 packed his dog costume (which he wears all the time), but dang if it didn't somehow end up not making it to the beach. Huh. Seems somebody pulled it out of his bag at the last minute and stuffed it up under his bed. Aw, damn. That means I didn't have to look at him galloping around on all fours in the costume all week. What a shame.
But still...still! I held on to the thought that I wouldn't have to see them again for a week after dropping them off Monday morning (which I had to do and will have to continue to do a lot throughout the summer since DH and BM signed them up to be in the same damn summer program that my kids are in...UUUUGGGHH!).
Then I get home last night, and out of nowhere DH says, "Oh, by the way, the skids will be here this week, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights since they'll be with BM for the Fourth of July weekend.
I was speechless. I stood there for a minute, my mouth hanging open. I started to let out a primal scream, but I was too overwhelmed. I had ONE NIGHT to myself. ONE FUCKING NIGHT. Then I have to pick all those assholes up after I get off work today and bring them BACK to my damn house. Then I get the pleasure of rounding them all up and taking them back in the morning. Lather, rinse, repeat through Thursday evening.
I almost cried. Seriously. I stood there for a minute and really almost lost it.
I didn't sleep last night. My heart was racing a hundred miles an hour. Just the thought of them invading my house again (and it really does feel like an invasion when they come over) made me feel like I was going to throw up. I had to fight back tears all the way to work this morning, and I feel like I could puke right now.
There's nothing I can do right now except try to survive. The thought of all my future "vacations" being as bad as the one I just had to endure makes me the sickest of all. You're supposed to look forward to vacations, not dread them. I loved my vacations before I got married. It was just my boys, my mom, and me, and it was great. Now they're nothing short of a week-long trip to hell.
Sorry for the long rant. I just don't have anyone else in my life who'd understand how completely, perfectly miserable my life has become since I got married almost a year ago.
If I had any idea it was going to be this bad, as much as I love DH, I'd have NEVER married him. It's just not worth it. 
Why live another decade of
Why live another decade of insanity? Tell your husband that you two will have to have a Legal Separation (search it on-line) until all the kids are on their own when you can re-merge into a married couple.
I noticed you were absent the
I noticed you were absent the last couple weeks. That trip sounds like hell, I'm so sorry. I think OC might be on to something there, it could save your sanity.
Before the trip, DH and BM
Before the trip, DH and BM registered their kids to be in my kids' summer program, which was a MAJOR blow to my summer, because I knew it'd bring all sorts of extra, unneeded bullshit into my life (and it has), and then immediately following that, my stepmom died. It was unexpected, and my dad's having a really hard time dealing with it, and I've been helping him sort out all her affairs and stuff, and also trying to be a shoulder for him to lean on.
It's been a really shitty summer so far, and it's barely begun. FML
I'm so sorry about the loss
I'm so sorry about the loss of your SM and the grief you dad is going through.
As far as camp, I do everything in my power never to lay eyes on medusa to start with and the thought of regularly running into her at camp makes me gag.
I try to get there when I'm
I try to get there when I'm pretty sure she's already come and gone, or hasn't gotten there yet. So far, I've only run into her twice, so I think I'm doing pretty well. She's not a bitch or anything; I just don't care to stand around and chit chat with the woman who spawned those evil asshats. She's largely responsible for the way they've turned out, so yeah, I'm not too keen on making nicey nice with her. This is NOT the way I envisioned my summer turning out. Not by a long shot.
Just because the kids attend
Just because the kids attend the same camp, doesn't mean younhave to play taxi. Tell your husband he has to help out. Or better yet, have a family member or friend pick up your boys.
Who says you can no longer enjoy vacations? There's no reason you can't mix your vacations up a bit. Take vacations with just your boys and mom, just you and your husband and a few with the whole gang.
The thing with the summer
The thing with the summer program is complicated. It's about five minutes away from where I work, and it's way out of the way for DH. At least BM can take her kids there on the weeks that she has them. The only problem with that is that now I occasionally get the joy of running into her when I pick up and drop off my own kids. Oh yay! :sick:
The skids don't listen to me when they ride with me, and they chap my ass with all their screaming and wrestling in the back of the van when I'm trying to drive. I've told DH that if they don't straighten up, I'm not going to drive them anymore, and he can do it. I don't care if it's way out of his way or not. I don't tolerate that kind of behavior out of my own kids, and I shouldn't have to put up with it from his.
The skids don't listen to me, have no respect for my authority, and flat-out ignore me when I tell them to do anything.
Nice way to spend the summer. I thought it'd be a good, stress-free summer, but then DH and BM signed their kids up to be in this program with my boys, and everything was shot to hell after that.
When I was a kid I remember
When I was a kid I remember my mom swinging her hand into the backseat until she hit skin if I was acting up. If that didn't work, she would pull over and she kept a switch under her front seat. I have had my ass beat on the side of the road more than I can to count but I learned to STFU and be nice on a car ride. This might work for you!
I do that with my own kids!
I do that with my own kids! In fact, I keep a plastic flyswatter in my car. If they get really out of line (which they really don't anymore), I just grab the flyswatter from between the front seats and just reach back and indiscriminately swat children until they stop whatever it is they're doing.
These days, all I have to do is hold the flyswatter up, and they stop. No swatting required (usually)!
I'm not just being a jerk to the skids, you see. I'll jump up and snatch my own damn kids baldheaded when it's required.
Thing is, I can't lay a finger on the skids because they'd run screaming to dear BM about me "beating" them, and the next thing I knew, CPS would be knocking on my door, and BM would be screaming about taking DH back to court to sue for full custody because I'm "beating" her poor little babies.
Also, when I have to take all five boys to the summer program, I can't drive my car. It's just not big enough for all of them. So I have to drive our van, and the skids sit in the very back where I can't reach them anyway.
I'm not going to scream at them repeatedly to be quiet, or sit down, or stop hitting each other, or anything. I just turn the radio way up and drown their bullshit out, then give DH a full report when I get them home. If he refuses to deal with it and stop it, he'll be driving them his damn self in the future. The summer's hardly begun and I'm already sick of them and their crap.
Since his kids won't listen,
Since his kids won't listen, just refuse to drive them. This is a safety issue. Since dad can't/won't fix the problem, he should be the one playing taxi no matter how inconvenient it may be for him.
Your BM was a badass leaving
Your BM was a badass leaving yall on the side of the road! hahahah
My mom had a very low
My mom had a very low tolerance for bullshit, too. More than once, she did something similar to what your mom did, exhaustedSM. My brother and I learned pretty quickly not to push her too far!
Why more parents don't do this with their kids today, I'll never understand. The skids can pretty much push DH and BM as far as they want and there's no consequence for it.
If nothing else, there's a
If nothing else, there's a very real possibility that we'll be taking separate vacations in the future. DH won't like that at all (he said he had a GREAT time at the beach), but I can't endure another decade of this crap, dreading literally every vacation I have.
I wasn't a very pleasant person to be around all week. I'll freely admit that. I was a bitch most of the time. I snapped at my own kids, several times when they really weren't doing anything wrong. All I wanted to do was walk off into the ocean and never come back.
The constant stress that comes along with being around those kids is affecting me physically. I'm tense all the time, I'm insanely irritable, and I don't like the person I've become.
How DH had a "great time" at the beach is beyond me. He knew I was miserable, the kids knew it, and I damn sure knew it. I just counted down the hours until we could leave. I've never been so happy to get back to work in my life, and that makes me want to break down and sob. It's so pathetic to see a "vacation" as something you dread and want to avoid. I'd have rather spent the entire week working than to be there with those assholes.
DS9 was telling me last night how much he missed the vacations we used to take before DH and I got married. I told him that I missed them, too. I probably shouldn't have said that, but it was the truth.
Next time a vacation is
Next time a vacation is planned, at the last minute say something came up at work and you have to stay. Sucks doesn't it sweetheart? Guess, I'll have to wait until next year. Let your DH deal with his hooligans by himself on "vacation".
Girl welcome back! I missed
Girl welcome back! I missed your blogs and wondered where you were!
Wow that sounds like the vacation from hell! And to think that you got through it with the thoughts of them being gone and you got one night! Does he and BM just decide what the schedule is and then let you know when your taxi and maid services are needed? I can sympathize wtih you about camp. SO wanted SD8 to go to the same daycamp as my daughter SUPER! So today my BD11 is being picked up by my mom so they can have dinner and a movie date. That would normally mean I get a few hours of "me time". NOPE SD8 is with us this week so I still have to pick her ass up at camp and entertain her for 2.5 hours until he gets off work, FML. He doesn't get home until after camp closes because I already suggested he pick her up.
Since we are both NC girls maybe we should run away and just leave the super dads with their spawn and go drinking!
OH! And I have a beautiful
OH! And I have a beautiful fire pit on my patio that can take care of that dog costume once and for all!
Bahahaha! We have a fire
Bahahaha! We have a fire pit, too. Why didn't I think of that?
I think the dog costume's going to accidentally end up in the next bag of stuff I take to Goodwill. Oops!
Oh no no! Then the dog
Oh no no! Then the dog costume becomes another mother's problem. If you burn it, it will give you much more pleasure I promise! You have all boys but my SD8 got obsessed with this thing called a rainbow loom. It was cute at first until she kept leaving the rubberbands everywhere and clogging up my vaccuum. I had warned her multiple times if she didn't start picking them up it was gone. Fire pit, gave me great satisfaction!
Why should you have to give
Why should you have to give up your free time in order to pick up his kid? If you weren't in the picture, he would have to figure something out. (Work through lunch and leave work early, have someone pick up his kid, pick her up during lunch and take her back to his job for a few hours...)
Do separate vacations. This
Do separate vacations. This weekend DH is going to see his toxic mom and dad and I am staying home with BS and visiting some of my family. I have no interest in doing this vacation with him.
You need to do more stuff with your bio and less with kids that don't have any respect for you.
This is what I was going to
This is what I was going to add only to find 'Jsmom' had beat me to it. Most couples seem to think they're joined at the hip. There is nothing wrong with you guys going your separate ways on weekend trips or holiday. One benefit is they'll be gone a week giving you respite and a different week you can be gone giving you additional time away from this pack of howling hounds.
I have no problem with
I have no problem with separate vacations. My parents did it several times. My dad hated the beach, so we just went without him for several long weekends. My mom doesn't really care to spend a week in a cabin in the woods, so my dad went without her. It was no big deal, and everybody was happy.
My husband comes from a "Leave it to Beaver" family where everybody does everything together, all the time, and the mere thought of doing anything separately is unthinkable. He can't even fathom the notion of it.
I mentioned separate vacations to him Saturday night. I was in NO mood to discuss why I was so bitchy and weepy, but he kept pressing me to talk to him about it. I kept telling him we needed to give it a day or two so I could calm down, but no, he wanted to talk that night. "Okay, fine," I said, and I let him have it. I didn't pull any punches. I told him flat-out how horrible the "vacation" was and how I never wanted to go anywhere with his kids ever again.
I know it had to hurt to hear that. I'd hate to think that anybody felt that way about my kids. DH seems to like my kids, but you know what? They're no angels and they're not perfect, but damn it, I've worked hard to raise them to have some manners and respect, and to not act like fucking idiots and talk like cartoon characters nonstop. They have some freaking SENSE. His kids don't. Not at all. They're unbearable. I think anybody who had to be around them very long would feel the same way I do. Everything about them grates on my nerves to the point that I don't want them within 500 yards of me!
So yeah, I said it. I laid it all out there. I want separate vacations in the future if that's the way his kids are going to behave, because being around them ruins EVERYTHING for me, and for my two boys.
He didn't want to hear it and is sure we're now headed for divorce. I don't want a divorce. I just want to enjoy my damn vacations again like I used to before these assholes came along!
You know, I noticed that
You know, I noticed that literally every person at work who found out I had to take five boys (ages 5-10) on a week-long trip to the beach cringed at the very thought of it. They all said basically the same thing: "Ugh. Five boys. At the beach. For a week. My...GOD."
That pretty much sums up my week there, so yeah, their assessment was dead-on.
DH got to spend some "fun" time (for him and the skids) at the beach, so yeah, he was tickled to death. I think the only downer for him was that his wife was a raging bitch the entire time, who got as far away from his kids every chance she got. I'm such a killjoy.
I'm still baffled by the fact that their assholish behavior doesn't seem to bother him anywhere near as much as it does me. My mom hasn't spent much time around them at all, and if you were to ask her to babysit them, even for half an hour, she'd jump back and say "HELL NO! NO THANK YOU!" Even she - a doting gradnma to my two kids - can see how much of a horror they are.
I guess we're all more patient with our own kids than we are with somebody else's. It still amazes me to see the amount of patience and restraint he shows with those little shits.
My mother thinks my BD11
My mother thinks my BD11 could shit a golden egg, (I'm an only child and my daughter is an only child) so Nana loves her girl. They have "date night" once a week where they go to dinner and to a movie or the mall, just some one on one time with each other. One Saturday morning Nana called and asked if BD11 and SD8 would like to go out to breakfast. I was kind of shocked because she had not asked SD to tag along before but I was thinking she was trying to show SD that she cared about her too. SD was VERY excited and BD11 not so much. They rolled back up about an hour later, my mother looked like she was about to have a nervous breakdown. I said what's wrong! She said that child does not listen, is so rude, has a mean mouth on her and I just can't believe I took her out in public! In walks SD behind her (she didn't hear what Nana said) and she says I'm not going with her anywhere again, she boring and I dont' like her!!!!!! About Nana!!!!!! My SO stood there and didn't say shit! I was like you apologize RIGHT now you do not disrespect adults and especailly when they have done something nice for you! I sent her ass to her room too. To this day my mother still has her date night with my daughter but wouldn't watch SD8 for me to go to the bathroom!
For a Nana to dislike a child that much you know something is off because Nana's love all kids, they know they can send them back lol
Yeah, my mom pretty much
Yeah, my mom pretty much likes all children, so for her to react so strongly the first time I asked her about babysitting the skids was a real shock. She's spent some time around them - for a few days at the beach last year - and as soon as I got the words out of my mouth, she sputtered "Oh GOD no! NO! I'm sorry, but...NO! Your boys are fine, but those other...uh...NO THANK YOU!"
That says a lot, right there. Nanas don't say stuff like that without a reason.
I found out the other day that DH's parents have never taken them anywhere alone or done anything much with them either. Not on their own. My kids, though? They've volunteered and taken them for two different weekends in the past three months! They love my kids! This really pisses DH off, and he can't understand why his own parents want to spend time with my kids and not his. Uh...yeah DH. Can't imagine why that is.
It really does sound like a
It really does sound like a good idea, if we were talking about normal kids here. I can see me giving them a dollar-store prize...
"Uh, ncgal? Really? Are you serious? What kind of piece of crap is this? Ugh. This sucks. Don't you have any DS games or something decent? Wow." *flings prize in the floor of the van and "accidentally" steps on it while getting out*
My roomie and I did this with
My roomie and I did this with our boys back in the day. We got a bunch of candy crap and some hot wheels etc (things they liked) and when they were being quiet or playing a game nicely together, every so often, it would be "TREAT TIME!" If they weren't behaving, they didn't get anything.
Didn't stop all misbehavior but it did definitely cut down on it. But then again, we both PARENTING our own son.
The problem isn't the kids.
The problem isn't the kids. The problem is dh. He needs to parent his children.
Don't drive the kids to camp. He will have to get up early to do so or bm will have to come to your house, wait in the driveway and get them.
DH seems to like to bury his
DH seems to like to bury his head in the sand and pretend there's no problem. His kids are fine. Initially, he tried to say that MY kids must be the problem. He tried to criticize everything about my DS9, while I bit my tongue about all the messed-up shit his kids were constantly doing. Once I figured out DH and the skids were trying to make DS9 out to be the scapegoat for almost everything that happened in our house, I stepped up and started pointing out all the stuff the skids did. I wasn't about to let my son be punished nonstop for things he had nothing to do with. Again, my kids aren't perfect, but they're NOT going to be blamed for every dumb thing that the skids do every two seconds they're at our house.
I've let DH know that I'm not going to scream and yell and beg the skids to listen to me and behave in the van. If their wild antics and misbehavior continues, I'll just stop being responsible for their drop-offs and pick-ups at the summer program. I have no problem taking my own kids and picking them up, because I don't have these problems with them. They KNOW better.
It's just an intolerable situation. I really don't want to spend the next two months of my life like this.
That sounds like a nightmare
That sounds like a nightmare and that would really test the patience of a saint. 5 boys, no peace, no time together as a couple. FUCK.ME.DEAD.
I live in Sydney, Australia and we have the skids this week as it is school holidays. The other night my SS13 gave me a little hug so I hugged SD12. BIG MISTAKE. She stank to high heaven of B.O. I had serious words again to DH about it as this is a constant fucking theme of telling them off about it. They, especially, SD12, lies and says she has showered/washed hair/sprayed deoderant/brushed teeth. BULLSHIT.
I think what ncgal1980 find insanely infuriating is that you cannot say to skids what is really on your mind the way you could with your own children. If she was my daughter it would have gone like this 'I have told you a 1000000 flamin times to get a wash, brush your teeth etc. You have started your f**kin periods so stop being f**kin disgusting and WASH and STOP LYING about doing it.
The biting your tongue bullshit us stepmothers have to do is insane. DH and I got married last Saturday. It's officially set in that this is my life now. I like you am on the cusp of the grumpy arsehole teenager stage as well. YAY!! With an arsehole money grabbing BM thrown in. Again YAY!! I love DH very, very much but surely life should be easier??
It's mean isn't it but I don't feel very bonded at all with SD12 but I do get on very well with SS13. The SD is just so socially awkward and reminds me of the BM every time I look at her. It is just so hard as a stepmother as there is a million GAZILLION annoying things about this role and very little thanks or acknowledgement.
Sorry, but that's my ten cents worth. NCGAL1980- as I said above, no one would love a holiday with 2 sons and 3 step sons. Mother of gawd.
Time for clarity to SD and
Time for clarity to SD and daddy to do some armpit sniffing and supervised showers. A 12yo is not too old for daddy to sit on the counter and supervise the scrubbing of every square inch of skin, every hair, cleaning fingernails, etc....... If SD does not like it then maybe she will catch a clue and do it correctly.
We used to supervise my Skid at that age. He swore he was bathing properly. He actually was washing but the problem was he never told us that he was out of shampoo or body wash. Why? Because rather than put it in his had before applying to his head he was tipping the bottle on top of his head and squeezing. He had been using an empty shampoo and an empty body wash bottle for weeks. We would ask him each week if he needed soap, shampoo, toothpaste, etc.... and always were told no.
So we went to pink dye tabs to check his teeth every time he brushed, we did away with body wash and went to bar soap so he had to pay attention when he washed. Washing his hair we dealt with by doing a just out of the shower wet hair squeak and sniff test. If his wet hair did not squeak when he rubbed his head in front of us it was back to the shower. Sometimes that took 2-3 showers but eventually he figured it out. What really pissed him off was having to brush his teeth over and over again until the pink dye was completely removed from his fangs. }:)
Lol rags. I wish DH would do
Lol rags. I wish DH would do that to SD. Even after a serious bollocking from DH the other day she still 'forgot' together a shower last night. It is just the most infuriating thing!
My mom and dad accepted SS as
My mom and dad accepted SS as their grand kid from day one. My niece was born 5mos before my bride and I married. Our son (my SS) was nearly 2 when we married. My parents met my bride and the skid 5mos before we married.
So, SS-22 though not their first grandchild is their eldest grandchild.
My parents enjoy their time with all of their GKs but the never tolerate rude, snarky, or crappy behavior from any of them. All of the GKs know that you don't play any behavioral bullshit or games with my mom and dad.
Interestingly, even with the no bullshit behavior policy with my mom and dad all of the GKs love spending time with them.
Interestingly my wife and I have always had behavioral and performance expectations for my SS while his Sperm Clan tolerate just about anything. My SS (now 22) is a young man of character and is a viable self supporting adult. His 3 younger also out of wedlock Sperm Idiot spawned half sibs on the other hand have juvenile records and will be no more successful than their worthless POS toothless moron Sperm Idiot.
My Skid considers his mom and I to be his family and his home is with us. Sperm Land is a place that he cringes when he talks about it or visits. His mom and I parented him and held him accountable for appropriate behavior while the Sperm Clan let him run amok during visitations. He has no use or respect for the Sperm Clan.
Funny how that works.