The weekend was certainly rough at our house. DH and I got into it. I let him have it...I didn't hold back. I did stay calm, but I minced no words and let him know his behavior is the problem between him and I...not SS14. Yeah okay hanging...no DH, you will listen to me, and do as you see fit from there.

SS14 HAS caused a problem...a big one...and only HE can fix it...not YOU. However, the tension and my indifference TOWARDS YOU has nothing to do with what SS14 did, but WHAT YOU DID AND DIDN'T DO. Our relationship status is DUE TO YOUR BEHAVIOR. We have been going to counseling to try to work as a team, and get through this together and figure out how to be strong for each other and the rest of our family...instead, the last three weeks have been you being angry for me holding fast to SS needing to be accountable, which start with apologies...you have been making excuses..."the environment is hostile, you don't even talk to him, he's embarrassed, he's scared, etc etc" These are EXCUSES and you shouldn't be giving them...you should be saying he has to apologize...he will apologize...if he doesn't apologize to start this process then he will be sent to his BM because I will not let him tear the family of four other children apart. But you don't. You defend him and get angry and frustrated towards ME. I am your WIFE. Your job is to be a parent, which means making kids do the RIGHT thing, no matter how badly you feel for them, and to be a HUSBAND which means supporting your wife and not allowing anyone, your kid, your mother, your ex wife, ANYONE to talk poorly of her to you, to disrespect her, or to cause her hurt. You have not been doing any of those things. I will no longer ride your emotional rollercoaster of you are sweet and affectionate and all is well until something needs to be faced when it comes to SS14 and then it's me being the bad guy. Or your mother starting her meddling and calling me the bad guy and you doing nothing about it. Yes, that may mean you have to tell your mother, "stay out of it! It's not your place. Do not talk about MY WIFE that way. If you can't behave appropriately then you will have no place in our life. Your choice. These are the boundaries and you WILL abide by them if you want a relationship with me or your grandsons"

As far as our feelings of I'm saying your stupid or wrong because I have a different opinion of yours or say something that contradicts what you have said....at NO TIME have I EVER called you stupid! EVER! If you feel that way, it's because YOU are telling YOURSELF that. Now, I understand that you have been subjected to that for YEARS from your mother and your ex wife...HOWEVER I AM NEITHER YOUR MOTHER NOR YOUR EX WIFE (yet anyway) therefore STOP portraying those emotions on to ME. And stop making things easy for them and allowing the behaviors from them that you do. At my expense. You don't speak to your mother, nor your ex wife the way you speak to me. You don't speak to your friends, who may have a different view point than you, the way you do to me. I am your WIFE and therefore deserve at minimum the same treatment and thought as friends and CERTAINLY more than your ex wife...and your mother, who you know is simply trying to cause problems, because without drama the woman has nothing in her life. You need to stop allowing them to have a presence in your life. Certainly your ex wife...I am your wife...and I am your primary family...figure it out...or you can have them both back in your life calling the shots and not have me...your choice, but if you think that you can just act like nothing happened and all will be fine you are sadly mistaken. YOU have also caused damage...you have caused damage to OUR relationship and like your son, it is YOUR responsibility to try to correct that damage...and that doesn't happen with just a peck and a hug and a I love you. Your actions and behaviors will show if you really want this to work out.

He just sat there and didn't say anything. Five minutes went by. I got up and calmly said, I will let you get back to what your are doing and think about things. I have said what I needed to. The decision is up to you. About an hour, hour and a half later he came into the house a little meek. Asked if there was something I'd like to do. I said well that depends...I would rather not go and spend any time with you if this is going to be tense and you are going to have a cranky attitude... I got an I want to go and do something with you. I'm trying. Okay...well we will see...
At this point I'm not holding my breath....but I'll give him the chance...and see what happens...the brats are back with their BM for the week...which brings me to how I gave it to SS14....see part 2