SD8 getting preferential treatment
At first I thought I might be imagining things. It seemed like my MIL preferred my SD8 to my DD1. She would always talk about having her come over and want her to spend the night. After all it's logical to have the child over versus the baby. Except that now I'm pretty certain she has a favorite and it's not my DD. We just had her birthday party on 8/5. My FIL and MIL brought two gifts for our DD. They probably totaled to $60. We didn't really care if SD was at the party but MIL decided she'd call her BM and make sure she could come. So ... at the party she mentioned she wanted SD to spend the next weekend at their house. My DH told me that my MIL took SD shopping and bought her about 15 outfits plus 3 pairs of shoes. Perhaps it may seem petty but our DD got some pretty cheap gifts just one week earlier for her BIRTHDAY. They also spent a ton of money for SD on her birthday earlier this year by taking the entire family to Disneyland. My DH says he thinks it's because my MIL likes older children but I personally believe she prefers SD. She can't stand her BM but for some reason she absolutely adores the SD.
She may be compensating for
She may be compensating for SD8 as she does not have her dad living at home She may also feel that if she doesn't do "better" for SD buying clothes etc., the BM may withold the chid from her. As she is at risk of losing her grandaughter here because if she ticks off the BM then access and sleepovers may stop. Try and see it through her eyes. I doubt she favours the older one over yours, they are both her sons children. A lot of what she does may well be out of fear of losing the older child, not out of loving her moe.
Also, as a grandmother, the older they are the better I like it. I love all my grandchildren more than words can say, but I love playing with the older ones, I love having conversations with them, and I love how easy they are too look after, but I DO NOT love them more than the babies.
I think that you DH needs to
I think that you DH needs to ASK his mother what is going on. Also, I do not think that it would be inappropriate for him to ask her to tone it down a bit BECAUSE it comes across as preferential treatment. He has TWO children now, not just one.
I don't have any children
I don't have any children with my DH yet, but my MIL does have other grandchildren (DH's sister's kids) and SD is treated MUCH better than any of her other grandchildren. I think it's because she feels sorry for her for not having a "real family." Also, do you buy more things for your bio kid than for your skid? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, I know for sure I will do more for my own child than for a step, but maybe grandmom is trying to make up for that?
We definitely spend more on
We definitely spend more on DD than on SD because she lives with her BM. We only have her every other weekend and for certain holidays. Plus our DD outgrows everything so quickly we are constantly shopping for her.
I agree - how much can a baby
I agree - how much can a baby need? But I'm betting your gut instincts are correct. Every (Grand)parent has favorites. Fact of life. If this is continuing to where the baby is old enough to take note then its time for Daddy to step up.
Meanwhile its not worth a fight over.