That's a lot of estrogen in that house.  I know, I brought 3 BDs, DH brought 2 SDs and we had one BD.  Its bad enough with your own, but having to deal with SD's is hard, Your man seems to parent in a reactive style rather than a proactive style.  It's a style but one that leads to resentment eventually.  

Let go of the soulmate thing.  Its clouding your thinking.  Odds are in your favor that you will find another man that could be more compatible with your situation.  Much more than this one is.  If nothing else, live apart and date for a really long time.  Marriage licsense  is a legal document that can really complicate breaking up.  

Are your two daughters now grown and 100% out ofthe home?

I feel so sorry for you. This is my situation  except I actually ignored the gut feeling and got married. Fast forward 2 years and I'm feeling maybe even more resentful than I was before. My kids are grown which I think makes it worse because I feel like i traded the freedom id worked so hard to achieve to rewind 13 years of my life and be stuck in a 50/50 parenting situation which in reality probably ends up being more 70% for us. Right now it's summer holidays so we have the skids all of August, 1am seems to be the accepted bedtime although it was 4am a few nights ago because it was raining! I'm not even at the end of my tether anymore I'm resigned..resigned to the fact I will not end the year as a married woman, the trade off is too big for me. I have 1 thing keeping me here but countless things to make me leave. My advice would be not to wait and hope it gets better, it doesn't! Men are so busy parenting through guilt they either don't see or care that they're completely neglecting the person that would have still been there when the kids have all flown the nest if only they had been paying attention. Good luck with whatever you decide 

You failed to take enough time to vet the dynamic, and now you're paying the price for that. 

Around here it's generally thought that two years of dating before leveling up is about right. That gives enough time to vet the partner, their parenting style, kids, extended family and ex. It also gives bio kids time to adjust to their parent's new partner.

You had love goggles on when you agreed to move so fast. Move back out, and focus on your kids. Date him if you must, but keep your options open and learn from your mistake. 

It’s not too late to move out. I made the same mistake. Our timelines and circumstances are almost identical. After living with him for nine months I moved out due to multiple issues like poor parenting, rude teenage skids, my own DD suffering due to awful stepkids, fighting between me and DH due to skid behaviors. It was a 50/50 custody arrangement. DH parented out of guilt and was a Disney dad with a jealous princess miniwife and depressed teenage son. I was turning into someone I didn’t know. I purchased a beautiful 1500 sq. feet urban condo with the proceeds from the sell of my house. I sold that house to move in with him. This worked out well for me because I was ready to downsize to a condo anyway. We still date. I am much happier. I see 90% less of skids but still see DH everyday. I refuse to marry until skids are launched and he shows good boundaries with skids once they launch. It’s the best of both worlds. Skids are way more respectful now because they realize what can happen when they f*ck up.

You should trust your gut, you will regret it if you don't.

No, you cannot ask him to cut back the amount of time he has his children. You know that you can't.

Relationships never happen in a vacuum, so the fact that things are amazing when his kids aren't around is irrelevant. He will always have kids, even when the kids are adults. And adult step kids can be just as much of a nightmare as minor step kids.

Focus on yourself, your kids, your hobbies, your friends, whatever necessary to heal and move on.

A wife should be the #1 priority. Minor children are the #1 responsibility. What this means, in simple terms, are that your SO must meet the needs of his children above that of his wife's wants always and sometimes her needs (depending on the need), and he must put the needs and wants of his wife above the wants of his kids and sometimes their needs (depending on the severity of the need).

So, in this situation, your SO's kids NEED him to be a parent as frequently as possible. He has 50/50 custody. That need trumps your WANT for him to reduce his time. Your life will not be hindered if he spent less time with you - not in the grand scheme, anyway. His kids, however, NEED their father equally to their mother.

Now, your WANT for a peaceful home trumps your skids' want for a chaotic one. THAT is where your SO should be making changes and meeting your wants over his kids.

Ultimately, if it isn't what works for you, then leave. But asking him to sacrifice time with his children will only end your relationship - either now because it is an absurd request, or in the future as he and his kids resent you (and him) for making him choose. Asking him to make that choice isn't a viable option, and remember, if he stays, he may demand the same of you one day.

What if something happens to the ex wife?  He will then have 100% custody.

No need to allow his toxic spawn to ruin your relationship.  Set reasonable standards of behavior in the home, enforce the standards, and apply escalatingly unpleasant age appropriate consquenses for non compliance.

It matters not what the visitation schedule is.  The rules stand, the consquences stand.

As equity life partners you are both equity parents to any children in the home regardless of kid biology.  If he does not like how you parent and discipline he can step up and get it done before you have to and have your back until the two of you can discuss any related topics off line.

Kids do what they are told when they are told, they comply... or they suffer. 

Keep it simple.

The two of you and the marriage are the sole top priority within the blended family environment.  Kids never trump the spouses for the marriage as priority.  Kids are the top marital responsibility though never the top priority.  The marraige and each other come first. PERIOD!

While I am one to firmly direct these types of situations in my life... I do not and never have dictated that my bride not have her kid as much as possible.  In fact we purposely limited his time with the toothless moron toxic SpermClan to minimize their negative influence on him.  We never allowed extra visitation time and we never allowed them to make up missed time.  We forced compliance to the COd Custody/Visitation/Support order or we brought the pain.  I would not advise that you demand that he give up any of his parenting time.  I would demand and enforce compliance to household behavioral standards.  They either comply or they will over time limit their time at dad's.  Either way...  you win.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

Second marriages are complex.  You only know the complexity of it, once you get involved. Never get a free time to play with your SO. You have the Ex in your life. Trying to make everyone happy as the same time everyone is trying to screw everything up. For there own benefit.  Good that you walked away, it’s was not going to work 

Don’t do it. Enjoy him as a dating partner only. The expectation that you will have a loving devoted husband is going to blow up in your face one day in the most painful way. It has almost destroyed me. Every day I am trying to heal myself from the betrayals.

Don’t put your children through it, but most of all, don’t put yourself through it. 

I just posted yesterday about the other side of where you are. It’s horrible. The post is ‘Not getting over the pain’.

You don’t need it!!! 

1. It’s only been a month. Everyone is still adjusting, including you. Give it a little more time.

2. Is your guy committed to making you the priority? When you get married, you take a vow that says forsaking all others, and that’s exactly what that means. I was a step kid. It only worked after my parents committed to each other in a way that meant we weren’t able to “divide and conquer” them. You need to know if he’s willing to back you up 100% - to the kids, to his ex, to anyone else in the picture - before you say I do.

3. Until or unless they pose an actual threat, or wreak so much havoc that they make you turn on each other, I don’t feel like it’s appropriate to ask him to cut back on time with his kids. I’ll be honest and say I don’t always want my Skids around, especially when they’re being jerks, which is literally 95% of the time, but I’d never seriously ask him to send them away. Hopefully the time never comes when he has to choose between you and them, but if it does, it’s best you’re not the one demanding that choice be made.

Bravo, girl! You did the right thing. My mom was just as headstrong, and, god, I admire her. And you))

He could have his kids full time.  BM could died, run off with a BF saying here are your kids, she could get sick and not be able to take care of the kids.  Then what?  You can say put your kids in a half way house