Son and Husband do not like each other
My son says he hates my husband, my husband says he doesn't like my son.
I am a pretty easy going parent. I have rules but I am not the type of parent that has a list on the fridge, my husband is. I know we have to have house rules but my husband does not tolerate any breaking of any rule no matter what. He isn't used to raising kids and he thinks that a 15 yr old boy is going to be neat, clean, organized and only told once to ever do anything. He wants consequences of a light is left on, if the Ps3 is left on, if my son forgets his house key.
My husband only talks to my son when correcting him or when telling him what to do or not to do. I find myself defending my son and I know this isn't a good thing for my relationship with my husband.
I have alot of anxiety when all 3 of us are in the same room together. My son feels he can't do anything right with him and my husband did tell me he will probably never like him as long as he is a disrespectful, selfish teen.
My son does not want to go to counseling at all. My husband and I are and I think that is probably the only thing that I can do right now!
I'm so glad to hear you two
I'm so glad to hear you two are in counseling. I agree your son needs to be in counseling also. Approach it positively as an opportunity for him to vent all his frustrations about his step dad. The counselor should be there for your son and no one else, to help him navigate the situation he is in and move on in a healthy way. It really is a positive thing. I know because my own BS16 has been in counseling for almost a year now and I can see a big difference in how he sees himself.
It sounds like DH is not really in your son's corner (i.e. more interested in enforcing rules than establishing a relationship - which is totally backwards from how he should be approaching it), and you are feeling torn between the two of them - a very common thing. But your son needs someone who is truly there for him and only him.
Maybe your son feels like there is a stigma attached to getting counseling, but I think he would be surprised to know how many kids are in counseling, and he is by far not the only one. Approach it positively, as I said, but if he still resists, then tell him that you as the parent believe he needs to vent to someone who is not emotionally invested in the family dynamics, who can look at it objectively from the outside. If you have to make him go, he may sit there like a lump and not cooperate the first 2-3 times, but I think he will eventually open up, because he really wants someone to talk to who will listen.
Oh, and I would suggest you try to find a male counselor - it sounds like your son could use a positive male role model in his life. The one you described sounds pretty negative.
This is good advice. It helps
This is good advice. It helps alot. I am sick in my gut. It's a really bad feeling! Something needs to be done.
I know that feeling, like
I know that feeling, like you're going to puke. It's your body's way of trying to get rid of something toxic. At least that's what my counselor told me.
THanks everone!
THanks everone! Goforit....wow that is my situation exactly except my son is still 15 so still have a few years left. I hurry to turn off lights and put dishes away. My son has actually said he hates my husband. I have to keep on him to not speak bad of him to me. SOmetimes I see the tension lift for a while but not for long.