I come as a package deal. DH can't accept us- we are gone.

DH comes as a package deal. I can't accept him and his, we are gone.

JMO. IF my name was on the house, DH would be out on his arse....

I would sit down with my list of pro's and cons of DH. I would try to leave out the kid issues and focus on the qualities you see in him. That would tell me if there is a marriage worth saving.

I don't want to say that I undermine DH as a parent. But I have an "obligation" to raise my daughter- as a parent I made that commitment when I brought her into this world. It didn't go away because my marriage to her dad ended and it didn't change because I remarried. That being said I also realize that she will one day leave me and go about her life. That is my goal. DH is the same. We never gave our kids the power to ruin our relationship. But we have always tried to respect the other person's responsibility to a previous commitment.

The raising may or may not stop at 18- it might continue until she can stand on her own two feet. That might mean until she is out of high school, out of college.

As for money and living on your own. You call an emergency meeting with your children, and determine what you can afford, what they will need to do and you pull together as a family- that means that they understand the money coming in and the money going out.

DH would have to shoulder alot of the debt that was incurred and household obligations to that house. I would figure out what I could afford, look and see what is out there. If you have equity in your house or assets that you have accumulated together I would protect all those.....It might be that you divorce since you might qualify for more single than married. It's only money, and I wouldn't be saddled to a man that won't attempt to tolerate my kids.

In the meantime I would tell my ds to do everything and anything possible not to make waves until you can get out if that is what you decide.

It sounds to me that DH has given you and ultimatum our marriage or you kids? But not both. What did your counselor say?

In the meantime, don't make a rash decision, but look at all options...which is hard right now since I am sure this is a shock and one that you didn't quite see coming

Talk to an attorney and find out what your rights are so you can make an informed decision.

I am so sorry to hear this. It really sucks. You are a mom & of course you will need to stick by your child. How could your husband expect anything less. He probably hates the idea sure! So... what to do? I agree, with 12yearsm about dragging your feet. Asking your husband to give it X time. If he agrees, tell your boys to be on their best behavior. This may give you some time to get some money put aside in case the inevitable does happen. You know, this may just be a temporary spat between your ex and son. He may decide to move back with his dad in a couple months. In the meantime --- do your homework - realistically find out what it would cost you. Your hubby may decide he can't live without you. I would also talk to a lawyer.... Lots of variables

Good luck & Keep your chin up!

What did the counselor say?

I would talk to a lawyer right away. I think that is terrible, and would strongly consider dumping his *ss. I think he knows he is in the stronger position and hopes to force you to give him his way on this, which should tell you a lot about him?!!! Sorry honey

It does sound as if your dh is a bit of an ass. I mean, many of us have put in YEARS worth of chaos and after 6 months of messiness and forgetfulness-he's ready to throw in the towel? Wow. I would be overjoyed at some simple messiness and forgetfulness. If I left to get my own apartment I wouldnt be coming back and I wouldnt be giving him any "marital benefits" that's for sure.

If the issue is your son's messiness and forgetfulness-these are easily solved problems. I am sure you can put the hammer down and get your son to clean up after himself and you guys can brainstorm ways to help with his forgetfulness. However, I fear that this is not really the issue-these are not issues to break up a marriage over. Does your dh have children? Is he used to being around kids at all?

I would try to discuss more with dh and find out what is at the heart of this. I love my dh so much that I could tolerate messiness and forgetfulness for a few years. I might be annoyed but it definitely would not be a "deal breaker". I wonder why it would be for your dh?

If that is the case the the boy is smoking pot I can see where your dh is coming from. I told my dh the same thing about his oldest, I told him that if he didn't get him under control about his bullying and hitting and all the other crap he was dishing out to the other kids then he was no longer welcome either. Dh did step up and slips up sometimes but nothing like he was.

But if there is nothing that you or the kids are doing wrong then I think he should have thought of that before he married you. IF they are normal kids then he needs to remember that you are a package deal.

I would leave b/c your kids need to be raised.

Why would you want to stay married to a man who made you choose between he and your boys? :?

I would not want to be with that type of person.

I would never ask my wife to give up her child(ren) or move out. I would never ask her to choose between me and the Skid.

I married her, I knew she had a kid and I chose to enter the situation knowing that I would have to deal with my SS's SpermClan and a then unknown plethora of Skid and blended family related crap.

Your DH has shown his complete lack of character.

Thank him for being honest and tell him he can leave for the apartment tonight.

A man of character would step up, define the rules to the boys, work with you to give them clarity of how they WILL behave and perform in your marital home, put the marriage first by sharing the challenges if getting these boys over their chronic Cranio-Rectitis.

He obviously has no interest of putting the marriage first. If he kicks you and your boys out what is he going to do in the future when things get rough? If you get sick will he be there for you? If there are financial challenges in your marriage will he be there with you to get them fixed, etc, etc, etc, etc.....?

Since past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior he has shown that if bad things happen in the future he will write a letter telling you to get out and embarrass you by reading it to you in front of your marriage counselor.

Thank him for being honest and tell him he can leave for the apartment tonight and not to let the door hit him in the ass on the way out or to never darken your door with his presence again.

All IMHO of course.

Best regards,

did you leave your previous employer on good terms?? can you get your old job back and tell your dh to go fuck hisself?

I have three major issues with my H (NN) which I am going to be leaving him over:

1. He absolutely HATES my son for no good reason and is currently forbidding him from visiting us at "our" house.

2. He did not fight for his daughter (my SD) like I thought he should when BM kicked her out of her house.

3. He is a verbally abusive alcoholic.

Out of the three, the first one is the one that really hurts my heart the most.

My DH is exalcoholic and easily irritated, no tolerance for anything that doesn't worship swins. Swins have modelled that behavior too. Only problem is, swins aren't special in anyway shape or form nor they deserve anything "extra" or special. He thinks he's a King & they are Princes and everyone else alive exists to serve them. And I saw this trait before I married him but thought: oh oh oh I'm going to be Queen. LOL that spot was already taken.