SS causing daily drama with me & SO
Partners SS17 lives with us. Has done for 2 years. We have an 8 month old together.
We have been together for 7+ years but since BM alienated the kids from SO soon after separating, there was not a lot of "bonding" with SK for approx 5 years.
SS chose to live with us because we live in the city, better school/work opportunities.
Since my own child was born tho I have really gone off SS. He just annoys me and being in the same room makes my blood boil. I don't allow him to interact with our child. Baby is on a routine and needs to be for his development.
SS called his Aunty at midnight the other day to ask her to convince dad to let him get a dog because "our dog won't hang out with him & he's not allowed to hang out with baby". Weird kid.
My partner isn't even 100% sure he is the dad but that's for another topic. They do not look anything remotely alike and are not similar in anyway, SS hasn't even picked any mannerisms etc up since living here. He isn't interested in anything we do or are interested in.
these issues create at least 3 arguments a week between SO and I. I do not see SS as my son. I probably honestly don't see his as part of my family.
He doesn't contribute in anyway to the household even after getting in trouble for the same multiple times. I do not see what value he can bring to our child's life when he brings none to mine.
I am done with him and feel like if I let him into baby's life I am letting him into mine.
he is 17, nearly 18 - you can't "hang" with an 8 month old.
Tough one
What's your SOs position?
He kind of sits back and lets
He kind of sits back and lets me dictate things but also says that things are going to have to change soon.
I don't think he gets it from a steps point of view.
I think I have a fear that SS is going to take my child away because it is his half brother or want to do things with him and I don't want that, well not at this point in time. I don't want his influence.
Ostrich Dad
Head in the sand Dad is so common all over this site. They don't want to be the heavy. So they are the child and Skid is the parent. You are on your own. I understand your anger but the SS is only 17. Not his fault. You and DH created the situation and as such are both responsible to manage it. The SS is just as entitled to love as the baby brother. Consider family counseling if you want to avoid divorce.
While I usually do not give
While I usually do not give much concern or credence to the SKid side of things when commenting, you have to remember that you and SS-17 are both Steps in your daily family lives. Also.... your baby is your SS-17's baby brother and he can and should have a relationship with his baby brother. You have not presented any cogent reason for not allowing your SS-17 to bond or spend direct time with the baby. Why is that?
If he is merely irritating and does not represent a risk to your young child... back off and let them bond and SS build a relationship with his baby brother. You may detest his existance, but, he is your DH's son and your babies big brother.
Sure you can hang with an 8mo old... when that 8ymo old is your baby brother.
Back off a bit mom. Give them a chance to start learning to be brothers.
Your fortunate that your irrational position only results in 3 arguments a week with your DH. If I were your DH, I would give you absolutely clarity on knocking off your toxic influence on my sons. Including the 8mo old.
smh
Well SS did the wrong thing
Well SS did the wrong thing and no longer lives with us - yay problem solved. Thanks for your help!