Sleep in another room in your own bed. Maybe BF will take the hint.

It used to be like that here too. SS was 2 at the time but nothing worse than waking up in the middle of the night after a fun night with the DH to realize you are sleeping naked next to someone elses toddler! I def. told my DH that it was NOT ok and that I was NOT comfortable with it. DH thought of it as bonding time...both ppl have to want to share the bed with kids. Its a 2 person decision. It took a LONG time to break the habit but now SS won't even come into our room without knocking. Well, most nights SS4 (he wakes up most nights) he will sit in the hallway crying DADDY and wake up DS1. I don't allow either of my bio kids in my bed! I don't want a SS there either. I don't think you should leave your own bed. Tell him that if SS comes into the room, to send him back to his own room. You shouldnt have to sleep without your BF and most men wont realize the hint of you sleeping somehwere else. Maybe just explain exactly why you arent comfortable with it he will understand? Good luck!

Perhaps you should just start sleeping nekkid. Maybe your bf will think twice before letting the kid in the bed.

Yeah SS3 jumps in bed every time they stay (3 nights a week) its been going on for 18 months now and I do not like sharing a bed with a toddler thats not even mine! I've done the sleeping elsewhere, didn't work, and tried to get him to take him back to his own bed but he likes sharing the bed with his kid too. I'm about at my wits end with this issue and some others. For me its just about ultimatum time. I can't imagine having to put up with it till he's 5. I don't live with him and I've said I won't stay weekend nights if this keeps happening, SO didn't much care, was my choice as far as he was concerned. Hopefully your man is a bit more understanding. I don't know the answer, still working on it myself. Let me know how you go so I can give it a go too!

So you guys have only had sex twice?

I'd not want to get intimate in a bed where a child sleeps.

Been dealing with this for a long time! We get SS7 EOW and DH and SS7 would always sleep on the couch together and I would sleep in the bed or SS7 would sleep in bed with us. It was out of control! Lately we make SS7 sleep in his own bed but DH has to lay with him until he falls asleep AND if SS7 wakes up in the middle of the night or early in the morning he will climb into bed with us. UGH! I'm 9 months pregnant and can't stand having a 7 yr old in bed with me! I wanted to strangle the little prince when he woke us up last weekend and asked DH if he could watch tv in bed with us at 7 am. Instead of DH doing something responsible and considerate he happily turned of ESPN...WTF? This is clearly DH fault...what the hell is this co-sleeping crap all about?

I am not sleeping with someone elses kids period. I rarely allowed my own children to sleep in the bed with me - from day 1. Usually only applied when they were sick. I would simply establish a rule that I will be sleeping in another room if the child is sleeping with dad.... I would say this loud and clear. If the response from the man is not "No Honey I would not want you to do that AND I will make little Johnny sleep in his own bed"....you need to re-think this relationship. The other way to look at this is to do nothing and in about 6 years the little kid will want his own room at 13 years or so... Good luck... I would not put up with that crap for 1 night much less as an ongoing issue. My hubby knows he had always better choose me when it comes to those kinds of issues. other issues the kids win... No problem as that is how it should be...

Thank God I found this site AND this thread! I have a 5 y/o SD who is driving me completely NUTS with the screaming 3-4 times a night for DADDY. Standing outside of the bedroom door crying and coming in at 4:30 in the morning saying she needs a hug. She pulled this routine a few nights ago and when I demanded that my husband follow through on bringing her back to her room like he said he would do I became the b*tch. They were both so p*ssed off with me but I've had it with a 5 y/o running the roost. I don't care if he goes and sleeps in her bed w/her. I'm six months pregnant and there is no way I am going on the sofa. I've also got to get this kid to understand you don't walk into our bedroom without knocking and being invited in. I explained to my husband that growing up we never went into our parents room. He said it was the same way for him AND YET I'm a control freak because I want our bedroom to remain our bedroom. Grrrr!

Children this young going through divorce and separate homes, and mom and dad having significant others need this bonding time even more than children of intact families. Would I ever want to sleep with a skid? Hell no. But you have to think of the kids. It's not their fault you are not their moms! Actually, co-sleeping or bed sharing promotes independence, not dependence. When kids feel loved and are able to attach to their parent, they feel more secure as they maneuver through the world. Google it. This is nothing new. If the dad and child/toddler both want it, no reason he can't carry the child back to his bed and sleep there. If you can't handle him not being in YOUR bed, perhaps you can understand how the child feels.

Bonding can be done while awake. Seriously. If your BF can't understand that then tell him no sex. He'll get the hint. Co-sleeping is enabling a long struggle with a bad habit that becomes hard to break. It is basically a territorial struggle between a five year old, you, and what makes it worse is 'Daddy Guilt'. Besides, how long does he plan to let him do this? til he's ten? I don't let that happen here because the one time my BF put his 5 yr old son in our bed (we were NOT in it at the time - we are firm on the fact the kids are NOT coming in the bed with us)to sleep because his sister was being a chatterbox keeping him awake, (she is 3 and they share a room when they are here)he peed the bed and that was the LAST time that happened. Having to strip and wash a queen mattress pad, set of sheets, comforter and duvet cover (and pay to do it at the laundromat)was enough of a problem for both of us that the foot was put down then and there.

If your boyfriend cannot respect your feelings and the fact that his son is growing older and out of this stage eventually and will need to get a grip on this before it gets creepy, get out of this relationship. You aren't his wife yet and have no legal ties and hopoefully not much to lose. I wouldn't stay with someone who put a child in the bed so consistently above MY needs and feelings about that. See your ass later, pal.

I have been with my fiance for 2 years and living together for 1 year and the bedtime issue is the ONLY thing I have managed to change the way I want it to be changed, so let me tell you what I did! I flat out refused to have SD4 in my bed. That's it. I told my fiance enough is enough and I meant it. I read a ton of articles online about the "cry it out method" which is supposedly the ONLY thing that works to break this habit. My fiance of course was not happy about it because he saw no problem with sleeping with the kid in the first place, but now he is soooo happy that he listened to me and we have reclaimed our bed and privacy. What I did was set a bedtime (I said 8pm, fiance said 9pm so needless to say it is 9pm but I can compromise on that), at that time SD was put in her room (tucked in and everything, not just shoved in there). She was told she needs to stay in her room the whole night. Of course she threw fits in the beginning, she cried and screamed "I WANT MY DADDY" at the top of her lungs. Do NOT give into this behavior because once the kid realizes the tantrums are not getting them what they want, they will stop. It took about a week to get through that part, but now it is MUCH better and we have NO issues at bedtime. Best of luck to you, be strong with this!!

I feel your pain! The difference here is that daddy insists on sleeping with skid4. It annoys me to no end! It's hard enough coming into a biological relationship, but to then be physically and emotionally abandoned by your SO during what should naturally be "adult time" is a horrible feeling. I've tried everything I can think of to put an end to it, and nothing works; I was actually going to buy a twin bed for skid4, but had something come up so that I couldn't afford it. What makes me even crazier is that SO admits he gets lousy sleep when his mini majesty is here because he gets kicked all night; come sleep in the grown-up bed and that won't be a problem!

Maybe you are just too nice. My SKs would NEVER have wanted to sleep in the same bed as me (they were 3 and 5 when their dad and I started living together). They rarely acknowledge my existance when they are awake. Try being meaner and she'll be scared to sleep w/you

Sleep bare-ass naked. Seriously. And don't cover up, let junior get an eyeful. If bf says anything, just say, well then maybe he should learn to knock before entering my effing bedroom!

You could look at it this way....at least it's ONE kid and not THREE smelly, nasty dogs! I'm currently fighting that war. LOL!

My FDH did the same thing when we first moved in together. (Almost 2years ago.) I understood that it was a habbit for him and SD. (Before we moved in together they lived in one of his mom's bedrooms and didn't have a crib/bed for her.) But once we moved in together I expressed my feelings about SD sleeping in our bed. If she woke up in the middle of the night and crawled into bed with us, I would wait til she was sleeping and move her back to her bed.

I was 4mo pregnant when we moved in together and I NEEDED my sleep. It drove me nuts when SD would join us in bed, and FDH LOVED when she did. Until I told him if she joined us in the bed I would move to the couch, and deny him morning 'play time' before he went to work. Or even at night.

I can understand waking up from bad dreams every now and then, but (like my parents did) once calmed down and falling back to sleep carry the child back to bed, now we have no problems with SD, or any of our other children coming into bed at night. Or even into our room... Simply off limits, they have no toys in our room, or anything for them. And they respect that boundary.

I think if you don't like the child coming in at night you should tell your boyfriend and why you don't feel comfortable with it. I had the same thing happen to me but me having the child and he just demanded I stop it and to this day I regret that I did and really hate the person over it. (we aren't together anymore) I wish I could bring back those days and maybe my son would have turned out differently, so you don't want the same regret with your boyfriend especially when he doesn't have the child all the time either! Maybe consider sleeping on the couch or make plans with friends or parent's weekend just once or twice a month when the boy comes over so he gets complete alone time with daddy. This will make the child relise your not taking daddy away. Don't always disappear when he shows up or it will make the child think you don't like him either. Children understand and know more then you think they do.
Plus this would be good for both parties as I am sure a break away from him wouldn't be bad either. Usually by age 6 the child outgrows co sleeping and then they may drop in a couple of times, but not so much.

Im so glad im not the only one who feels this way..Ugh my DH and mother in law looked at me crazy when I didn't want my step daughter sleeping in the bed with us every single night

Had that happen last night. I am over it. I must have "the talk" with my SO. It will cause I fight but I have to stand my ground. I am not comfortable with it. At age 11 she needs to be walked back to her bed. It is just a control thing that the kids do at a certain age I think, especially if like my SO, they give into it. UGH. I feel your pain!