Who attends a "family meeting"
Hi there,
My BF's ex is pushing for them to have weekly or bi-weekly meetings. The purpose, she says, is to discuss parenting, scheduling (yeah right, she plans no more than a day ahead...ever), and so that the boys can see that she and him still get along.
I don't think that this is necessary. I know that it's a trend to have these type meetings, but my BF and BM get at least 1-3 hours of face time each week as well as plenty of phone conversations, attending baseball games together, and so on. Where is the need for this? I can see in a normal situation where the ex's don't talk very often to have these meetings, but I really, really don't think it's necessary. And...as a live in girlfriend, I feel like I should be there too. After all, it's also my schedule that's affected and I live in the same house as the boys a fair chunk of their time. Plus, I care.
My real problem though is that she still considers herself and the three of them still family. She calls them "family dinners". I think that this is innapropriate...did they not cease to be a family when they split up? Or, am I crazy here?
I have been told that I'm not welcome at the family dinners by my BF and that I can't just "push my way into everything". He said "maybe after we're married" I could attend the family dinners.
Grrrrr...I'm so mad right now as I write this.
Thoughts?
I was thinking the same
I was thinking the same thing. If he can't include you know and you live with him that is a red flag to me. I understand taking it slow but at the same time there should NOT be any 'family dinners' ever! Once you divorce you both lose that right to be called a family. think about what this will make the kids feel? Like mommy and daddy will get back together. False hopes.
I'm glad that you are all in
I'm glad that you are all in agreement here. He does get angry. We fight all the time about his ex and the kyboshes I've put on other ridiculous practices like them grocery shopping together, sharing a car, him hanging out with her and her family, etc.
He always gets angry. Only one time has he said "tell me, I want to understand." Just one precious time.
So, red flag hey? I tell you, that if I showed up at her house in this situation, he would be furious. Big time. Why is this a red flag? Because he's more worried about upsetting her, than me?
Red flag bc he is putting the
Red flag bc he is putting the children and his ex above you, his new spouse. You will always be second to a man with kids but in this situation you are in a distant 3rd. It DOES NOT get better, it gets worse. Unless you see an amazing future, GET OUT! I would be DAMNED if I ever let DH go ANYWHERE with BM let alone have intimate family dinners. There is no reasons the kids need to see them pretending to be a family, for what? The children have 2 seperate households and 2 seperate families. That is all they need to see.
OH HELL NO! NO NO NO. ALL
OH HELL NO! NO NO NO. ALL WRONG. Yes red flags all over. You are tripping all over them.
Um grocery shopping with ex=no, going to her family stuff=no. All of it. They should be texting maybe speaking face to face about the children for an hour a week (ok maybe extreme, but seriously they don't need to be around each other this much). No boundaries.
Move out until he changes. This is not a relationship. You are a third wheel. I am so sorry someone had treated you this way.
Um, yeah, you really need to
Um, yeah, you really need to ditch this guy. He should just get back with his ex-that way they can grocery shop together, share a car, hang out with her family-you know be married and there will be no pesky you to complain about it.
If this is a trend to have weekly meetings I am unaware of it. I've never heard of it. Hell, my dh and I dont have weekly family meetings to discuss parenting and scheduling. Why would your man and the bm have these-especially if they already see each other regularly at events and speak frequently on the phone? Dont the kids see them get along at their ball games and such?
Sounds like she's right,
Sounds like she's right, they're still a family, at least they sure act like it......
I'd be outta there faster than greased lightning!
LOl Greased lightning! Good
LOl Greased lightning! Good one
and I completely agree
Oh HELL no!!! (Savage Love
Oh HELL no!!!
(Savage Love reference) DTMFA!!!
DH and BM's face time can be measured at about 3 hours. In the last five YEARS. They've even quit talking on the phone.
Okay, it's different, because SD is 15, and we live 1000 miles away, but still. DH would NEVER exclude me from anything like that.
I can't even get to the
I can't even get to the family meeting. The fact that he thought it was ok to grocery shop together, share a car, and hang out with her family had me reeling, and that you are still there to even argue about the "family meeting" boggles my mind.
Listen, there are other men. Good men. Men who may be divorced or have kids, but aren't playing house with their ex (who it sounds like he is still in love with) or that puts you as number 5,324 on his priority list. Find one of those men. Become a lesbian, a nun, a celibate-but you will not be happy with this idiot.