Step Grandma Problems
Hello everyone I am new please forgive if I am not posting correctly. I am a Step-Grand Parent. My Son who is 11 years
older than his Girlfriend/Bride to be?. She was a boomerang relationship as he was involved with his last girlfriend for 2 years and they were set to marry but her parents urged her to marry the fella that they liked and with that pressure she up and left and took everyone by surprise he was a wreck afterwards. Anyway he got mixed up with this 23 year old who had at the time a 3 year old. We were not happy but what ever he wanted to do was fine well he got her pregnant or they said was planed.
Well, I gave her Baby Shower as she is always estranged from her folks which I only met once. My son and her have a tenus relationship come to find out she has been abusive pushing down stairs hitting him and its been the worst thing in my life to deal with she is a phyco! Well my Grandson was born and she threatens to kill herself and refuses to get up with the baby so my son does everything. Fast forward I been Babysitting for the past 11 Months and this would be Her now 4 1/2 year old (Heath) and my Grandson 6 days a week as they both work. My son and Her go to counseling as he is not wanting to marry her but has bought a ring but with the drama going on he doesn't want to do this until she can straighten out but she is pregnant again! I mean really the two of them should not be together the fights she complains about everything she treats her 4 1/2 as her confidant and when they fight he gets in the middle like spitting at my son. She was in the be- ginig concerned we would treat her son less than our Bio-Grandson but I been bending over backwards but the kid tells her everything I do and they had fight last weekend as her son said that I said that my son was his step dad? a little back ground his real father in in jail for armed robbery but she has told him his daddy is sick and she never lets him see his real grandparents so to get back to the comment he tells his Mom I said that my son was his step dad. My son brings over my real Grandson and I ask wheres Heath? he said she was mad that I said he was a Step Dad and she takes him to work with her.
I tell him I have not said a thing and with the whole thing of his father being in jail stuff going on I don't touch the subject period I just baby sit 6 days a week!! Well she does not believe me she believes her son so what ever she is delusional! They fought about this and I hear from my son they are back together life is fine and my Husband and I feel like we been through the ringer!! So this morning he brings him and the baby over and asks me if I cut Heaths hair I said yes a strand as it was bothering him. He goes to work and I am seething mad because I done everything for her son to not feel different let him call me Grandma and now I am really disliking him and I feel like if she doesn't like what I do or say then she can get another babysitter but I know she will put them in daycare and I will not like Heaths other grandparents see my grand son and the one on the way. My son says he doesn't want his son's the one on the way is a boy to be with out their Mother ok but his dad and I cant take the stress to much and the worry of Heath being mean to the other siblings and the Mother not taking care of them like she does Heath. My husband and I do everything for free I must be over just 2 grand in car seats alone and diapers and formula and she never comes to pick them up my son does this.
But now this going on where Heath is tattling and I am not feeling very good about him at all...I don't know how to handle this. She doesn't want favorites she is creating the division by allowing Heath a very smart almost 5 year old dictate. Because when her and my son fight which is every other day she takes him with her and leaves my Grandson with his dad! I don't know what to do. Maybe see there couseler? I don't know only that I am feeling angry at a 4 1/2 year old and i don't like it.
Thank You very much! I
Thank You very much! I appreciate all comments as I was pretty discouraged as it seems each day I never know what shoe will fall off concerning my Grand kids.
You absolutely need to stop
You absolutely need to stop babysitting this child. He has learnt to play the game, to manipulate people the way mommy does. The other poster was not far off the mark when suggesting this child could accuse you of molesting him eventually. Then you definitely won't get to see your biological grandchildren.
She can't withhold them from you without your sons compliance in that. You need to be more honest about your sons role in this, his accountability. He got her pregnant not once but twice. It's time he took a long hard look at the type of woman he choose to be a mother to his children. If I were in your shoes I'd want my son and grandchildren well away from this woman. I certainly would not be supporting the relationship and making it easy for them to stay together by buying diapers, and free babysitting etc., I understand the car seats, that is a responsible thing for the safety of the children, but everything else. Back right off, no babysitting, let them pay for child care, they can't afford diapers, let them buy cloth ones and wash them, no food, get food stamps. Stop supporting the relationship and maybe just maybe when your son sees all the problems in being with this woman, he might just pull the plug. Every penny you spend on them, is supporting their relationship . Back off, it may have to be short term pain for long term gain for your son, your grandchildren and yourself.
Woa I didn't think about the
Woa I didn't think about the touching issue. I will have to talk to my husband about that and as the other poster commented on about her violent issue I will have my son read that.
Do not allow that monster
Do not allow that monster child within 100 feet of you. He's not your responsibility. Don't let anyone try to guilt you into thinking otherwise.
Play your cards well....For
Play your cards well....For this could turn into a legal matter. And all histories could and will come up to prove one side or the other. Keep this in mine....If I were you I'd play this like you're going to court. I have to do this with my grandson as well. It is an unfortunate reality we live in these days....
To stop babysitting just the step grandson would show favoritism even if you are not meaning it that way. Know your grandparent rights. In our state we can sue the bio-parents for visitation of our grandchildren as it is our right to see them and be in their lives. But the other side to that coin is proof that "YOU HAVE BEEN IN THEIR LIVES A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF TIME" Meaning continuing to see even the little SGrandchild so you can be with the bio grandchildren. That's the key. Do whatever you can to stay in good standing so you stay in your grandchildren's lives. You have to prove that taking you out of their lives would cause harm....And it obviously would cause harm. BECAUSE you and your husband are showing your grandchild what a family should be like. What a stable home looks like. How parents are supposed to love and treat their children.
AND as far as the little kid goes...just be plainly nice to him. And ask all kinds of questions about his day. Did he get to play with mommy? Oh you and mommy were just talking? What did you talk about? And after he's done telling you all of what she said then end it with.....Well, that's nice when you can talk to your mommy. It is sad we have to play these roles but necessary sometimes. I hope it goes well for you...